Shulchan Aruch: Chapter 606 - Requirement to Appease One Another on Erev Yom Kippur

SECTION 606 The Requirement that People Appease One Another on Erev Yom Kippur. (1–14)

1 Yom Kippur does not atone for sins between a man and his fellow until he has appeased that person.1 [This concept is derived as follows:] It is written,2 “Because on this day He will atone for you to purify you, from all your sins before G‑d [will you be purified].” The implication is that Yom Kippur atones only for “sins before G‑d,” whereas [wrongs] between man and man will not be atoned for by Yom Kippur unless one appeases [the other person].

For this reason, on the day before Yom Kippur, everyone should conscientiously appease every individual whom he has wronged. Even if he merely angered someone verbally,3 he must go and appease him, and request his forgiveness.4 When asking for forgiveness he should specify the wrong he committed against his fellow, but if this would cause his fellow embarrassment, he should not specify the wrong.

2 If the [offended party] is not appeased the first time, [the offender] should go back and try to appease him a second time with another form of conciliation. If he is still not appeased, he should go to him a third time to appease him with yet another form of conciliation. Each time he goes to appease him, even the first time, he should take three people with him and try to appease him in their presence.

If the [offended party] is not appeased [even] after the third attempt, one is under no further obligation to him. Nevertheless, one should state publicly — i.e., notify ten people — that he went to appease [that other person] but was refused, so that people at large will not suspect that he was not willing to humble himself before his fellow and ask his forgiveness.

3 When does the above apply? When he angered one of his peers. If, however, he angered his [Torah] teacher, he must go to him repeatedly [to ask forgiveness] until he is appeased. [This applies] not only to one’s foremost teacher,5 but even to a teacher from whom he merely heard words of Torah.

[Moreover,] even if one verbally angered one of his peers, if he desires to be stringent and go to him [to ask forgiveness] many times, he may, provided that doing so will not compromise the respect due to the Torah.

4 [One who is asked to] forgive should not be callous and withhold forgiveness.6 On the contrary, he should forgive immediately, unless his intent is for the benefit of the person asking forgiveness, to humble his brazen heart.

Alternatively, [one may withhold forgiveness] if he fears that forgiving will cause harm to himself.7 In such a situation he is not required to forgive, because his own life takes precedence over the life of his fellow.

If one person spread a disparaging report8 about another, the latter is not required to forgive him under any circumstances, even if he is repeatedly asked for forgiveness, because some people may have heard of the false rumor but not of the appeasement. It will appear to them that the rumor may be true, and that this person has not yet been cleared of unfavorable suspicion.

Nevertheless, [as an expression of] the attribute of humility, it is proper to forgive even one who spread a disparaging report.

5 If the wronged person died, [the offender] should bring ten people to his grave⁷ and say in their presence: “I have sinned against the G‑d of Israel and against this person whom I wronged.”9

He should go there barefoot. If he [lives] more than three parsaos10 from that person’s grave, he is not obligated to go personally; he may send an agent who should request forgiveness there on his behalf in the presence of ten people.

6 Even if one spread a disparaging report about [the deceased] in his lifetime, asking his forgiveness in the presence of ten men is sufficient, for we surmise if the deceased were alive, he would probably forgive him.

7 If he disgraced him after his death, he does not need to go to his grave. Instead, he should ask his forgiveness in the place where he shamed him.

8 To immediately appease [and ask forgiveness of] a person whom one has wronged is appropriate at any time throughout the year. Nevertheless, on the day before Yom Kippur one should be especially vigilant about this, so that the hearts of the Jewish people will all be at peace with each other, and thus Satan will have no opportunity to level accusations against them.11

9 It is an ordinance instituted by the Sages of the early generations, reinforced by a ban of ostracism, that one may not disparage the reputation of the deceased.12

10 If one person called another a mamzer,13 he did not blemish the honor of the latter’s parents, because he could explain that he desired only to abuse that particular person himself. [This applies] unless he called him a mamzer, the son of a mamzer.

11 It is customary to immerse in a mikveh on the day preceding Yom Kippur. Some explain that this immersion was instituted because of keri,14 so that we will be cleansed and pure on Yom Kippur.15 According to this view, there is no point at all in saying confessional prayers in the mikveh,16 nor is there any need to immerse more than once.

One who immersed before Rosh HaShanah and did not have a seminal emission in the interim should nevertheless immerse on the day before Yom Kippur, lest he had discharged a flow of urine that was either intermittent or turbid. For one who has such a discharge is impure, as if he had a seminal emission.17

An immersion occasioned by keri is valid even in 40 seah of drawn water18 that are collected [in a reservoir] in the ground, but not in a vessel.19

One who will suffer discomfort because of this immersion may have nine kabin20 of water21 poured over [his head and body].22 This water may be poured from two or three containers in succession, as long as the total quantity is [no less than] nine kabin. [In this instance, however,] one must begin pouring from the second container before one has finished pouring from the first, and begin pouring from the third before one has finished pouring from the second.23 Water poured from four containers is never considered as a single quantity of nine kabin. [Moreover,] even when pouring from a single container, one must be careful to pour the water without any interruption.24

One who immersed half of his body in a mikveh, [while] nine kabin were poured over the other half, has fulfilled his obligation.25

If a woman engaged in relations within three days [before] this immersion, she should wash the private parts with hot water before immersing in order to remove any semen that might be lodged within, lest she discharge it after the immersion and thus be impure on Yom Kippur.26 See Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah, sec. 196.27

If she engaged in relations directly following her immersion [after her menstrual cycle] or directly before the onset of her menstrual cycle, at which times she is likely to conceive, she should not wash the private parts with hot water lest she destroy seed [that might have led to] conception. For this reason, she should not immerse at all on the day before Yom Kippur.

12 Other authorities28 maintain that the reason for this immersion, as also in the case of a convert,29 is teshuvah, and hence one should immerse three times.30 Accordingly, immersion is also customary even by youths past the age of bar-mitzvah31 and young girls past the age of bas-mitzvah,32 even though the rationale of keri is not relevant to them. Likewise, even a person who immersed before Rosh HaShanah and did not have a seminal emission in the interim must still immerse again on the day before Yom Kippur as an act of repentance.

13 One should immerse before the Afternoon Service so that he can recite the confessional prayer (during the Afternoon Service) in a state of purity. There are some who immerse after the meal that precedes the fast33 so that [their immersion] will be close to [the onset of] Yom Kippur.34

14 If a close relative35 died before Yom Kippur, one is permitted to bathe in hot water and immerse on the day before Yom Kippur. [The rationale is that] Yom Kippur is considered like a festival which negates the decrees of the shivah mourning period, as explained in sec. 548.36

However, bathing and immersion should be delayed as late as possible so that they will be close to nightfall, for the reason explained there.37 The other laws of mourning, e.g., sitting on the ground,38 must be observed until actual nightfall, for the reason explained there.