ביום חתונתו – יום מתן תורה שעטרוהו להם למלך לקבלו עולו
On His wedding day. (Song of Songs 3:11) The day the Torah was given, when they crowned Him as King and accepted His yoke. (Rashi, ibid.)

QUESTION: Rabbi Samson ben Tzadok, student of Maharam of Rothenberg, writes in his sefer Tashbatz Katan #464, 5, (first printing Cremona 1556) that “all customs pertaining to a chatan and kallah are derived from the giving of the Torah, where Hashem revealed Himself as the chatan towards the kallah — Klal Yisrael.”

Which of our current day wedding customs date back to that wedding?

ANSWER:

1) Tenaim — Stipulations

The Midrash Rabbah (Vayikra 36:4) interprets the first word of the Torah, Bereishit, to mean that for two (ב) things that are called “Reishit,” Hashem created the world. The Jewish people are called “Reishit Tevu’atoh” — “the first of His crop” (Jeremiah 2:3) and Torah is called “Reishit Darko” — “the beginning of His way” (Proverb 8:22). This indicates that Hashem, so to speak, had an eye on preparing an abode for His future kallah at the time of creation.

At the conclusion of each day of creation the Torah states which day it was (e.g. “yom sheini” — “a second day,” “yom shelishi” — “a third day”). On the sixth day, however, it says “yom hashishi” (הששי) — “the sixth day”. Rashi (Bereishit 1:31) writes that “Scripture added the definite article hei (ה) regarding the sixth day of the conclusion of the work of creation, as if to say that Hashem stipulated with the components of creation that they are brought into existence on condition that the Jewish people accept upon themselves the Five Books of Torah.”

Hashem’s marriage to His kallah (Klal Yisrael), took place many years later, when He gave them the Torah. Nevertheless, He made Tenaim — stipulations — many years earlier. Similarly, we make Tenaim — stipulations — prior to the actual marriage.

2) Setting a Date in Advance

QUESTION: Why is it customary to write in the Tenaim the date when the wedding will take place, or at least refer to the setting of a date?

ANSWER: In answer to the question concerning why it says “yom hashishi” — “the sixth day” — with an added hei, (see above) Rashi (ibid.) offers an alternative explanation that “all the components of creation were in a state of suspension until the sixth day, which is the sixth of Sivan. This day had been prepared from the time of creation for the giving of the Torah to the Jewish people.”

The sixth of Sivan is the wedding day on which Klal Yisrael became betrothed to Hashem. Just as when Hashem created the world for His kallah-to-be, He set a date for their wedding, likewise, we emulate Hashem, and in the Tenaim, which discusses the agreement of chatan and kallah to build their miniature world, the date of the future wedding is stipulated (or at least referred to).

(שערי רחמים ועי' נחלת שבעה סי' ח' סעי' ח')

3) Chatan-Kallah Exchange Gifts

QUESTION: What is the reason for the custom of chatan-kallah exchanging gifts before the wedding?

ANSWER: Prior to the giving of the Torah, the marriage between Hashem (chatan) and Klal Yisrael (kallah) there was also an exchange of gifts. The chatan — Hashem — gave the kallah — the Jewish people — the spoils of Egypt, the spoils of the sea, the manna etc.; and the kallah — the Jewish people — gave the chatan (Hashem) their tenacious attachment to their identity, language, and attire while in Egypt.

(ספר המטעמים)

4) Chuppah Under Open Sky

QUESTION: Why does a chuppah ceremony take place under the open sky?

ANSWER: Our Sages (Shabbat 88a) explain the pasuk “they stood under the mountain” (Shemot 19:17) to mean that at the time of the giving of the Torah, Hashem lifted the mountain and the Jewish people stood under it. According to the Targum Yonatan ben Uziel (ibid.) the suspended mountain was as clear as glass. Thus, the mountain served as a beautiful chuppah under which the stars could be seen, and the Jewish people became an arusah — betrothed — to Hashem. Hashem’s enabling the Jews to see the stars was a blessing that they multiply as the stars of heaven.

5) Chatan Arrives First

QUESTION: Why does the chatan arrive at the chuppah before the kallah?

ANSWER: Because at Sinai Hashem arrived first and Moshe went to arouse and bring the people (see p. 132).

6) “Through Chuppah and Kiddushin”

QUESTION: There are two parts of acquiring a wife: 1) Eirusin — betrothal — which is accomplished by the chatan placing a ring on the bride’s finger, and 2) Nissuin — marriage — which is accomplished by chuppah — bringing the kallah into his abode (Kiddushin 5b). Shouldn’t the proper order of the berachah be [“Mekadeish amo Yisrael] al yedei kiddushin vechuppah?” — “He sanctified His nation, Israel, through kiddushin and chuppah?”

ANSWER: As explained (see p. 30) the suspension of the mountain over the people was not for coercion: rather, it was a Heavenly embrace of love which Hashem manifested. This Divine revelation aroused in the Jewish souls the bitul — self nullification — which was a prerequisite for receiving Torah. The people demonstrated this bitul, by declaring “Na’aseh venishma,” that is, we are totally subjugated to Your will and have no will of our own.

Thus, chuppah is mentioned first because chuppah — the Divine revelation which embraced them — preceded the actual Kiddushin — betrothal — the giving of the Torah.

(תורה אור מגילת אסתר דף צ"ח, ד)

7) Chatan Gives Ring to Kallah

QUESTION: Why does the chatan give a ring to the kallah?

ANSWER: According to Jewish law the chatan must make a kinyan — act of acquisition — to acquire the kallah as his wife. At Sinai, Hashem acquired His kallah (the Jewish people) by giving them the luchot — Tablets. Nowadays, the chatan acquires the kallah through giving her a ring which is an item of monetary value in accordance with the kinyan of kesef — money.

8) Ketubah

QUESTION: Why does the ketubah — marriage document — a chatan gives a kallah starts with a beit (ב)? For instance, if the wedding is on a Monday the ketubah begins b’sheini (בשני) — in the second day — and not just sheini.

ANSWER: This is because the Torah Hashem gave His kallah starts with a beit — Bereishit (בראשית).

* * *

The reason why the first word of the ketubah starts with the letter beit may perhaps be the following:

The letters of the Hebrew Alef-beit also serve as numbers. Each has a number-value — alef equals one, beit two, and so on. By extension, alef can mean to care about only one person, oneself, and to forget about others. Beit, on the other hand, means coexistence and caring for another.

Until the glorious day of the wedding, each prospective mate was a private individual leading his or her own life. Though indeed each one felt an admiration and affection for the other; nevertheless, the chatan and kallah were two individuals, often from two walks of life, anticipating entering into the covenant of marriage. Once they stand together under the chuppah, the union is consummated and now they are halachically united and look forward to the fulfillment of their prayers that their marriage be a binyan adei ad — an everlasting home.

They must always remember that marriage is a union between two individuals and beit — coexistence — is the most important key to success. Married people should never be self centered and think in terms of “I”, “me” or “myself” but rather “us,” “we” and “ourselves.” They should not calculate what is best for me, but rather what is best for us.

9) 14 and 14

QUESTION: Why in the sheva berachot — seven blessings — recited under the chuppah is the Name of Hashem (Ad-o-noy and Elo-keinu) mentioned a total of fourteen times?

ANSWER: This corresponds to the fourteen times the Name of Hashem is mentioned in the Aseret Hadibrot — Ten Commandments.

10) Paired Together

According to the Zohar (Vol. 3, 7b) a chatan and kallah are each p’lag gufa — a half of a unit — and become one in marriage. The words chatan v’hakallah (חתן והכלה) have the numerical value of 524 which is also the numerical value of the words vehayu to’amim (והיו תואמים) “they were fitted together” (Shemot 36:29).

* * *

It is interesting to note that every month is directed by a mazal — astrological sign — the mazal for the month of Sivan is te’umim — twins (Gemini). Klal Yisrael is, so to say, the twin of Hashem, and through the Torah He gave us, we became fitted together and united with Him as one.

(עי' בני יששכר, ועי' לקוטי שיחות חכ"ב ע' 61)