I Love My Friend's Husband!

go, Chaya Sarah! go, Rob! I heartily second the motion made by Rob W.
He wrote: Instead of "loving" her husband, try loving your friend. Reply

If you want to do the right thing, Move out of the city and start again, at least for a while until the pain in your heart goes away, and do NOT contact the friend or her husband again. You are not a good friend to her, and are breaking one of the MAJOR ten commandments. Do them a favor and LEAVE. Hanging around them will only serve to HURT you and possibly break up their marriage. Did you know that it is now ILLEGAL to break up a marriage in America? Yes. You can be taken to court for alienation of affection. It's against the law. Do you want to not only hurt G-d but also be a criminal? Reply

friend;s husband I don't believe that you are falling in love with this man. I do believe, that you are experiencing confusion within yourself and that perhaps you are missing a connection to someone that you yearn for, It might now be a certain person, but it might want to fill a void that is in your life right now. It might even have something to do with a childhood void and it is being replayed in current life. If this feeling persists, you might wan to consider therapy to work through it. Love is a relationship between two people and your friend's husband is not a participant. Reply

Friend's husband I think this woman is not necessarily dealing with "love." I think there are insecurities and issues here that professional counseling would benefit her. She doesn't seem to know the difference between"love" and appreciating someone's good qualities. I think her issue goes deeper and I wish her success in finding therapy that will enable her to become the person that she was meant to be. Reply

friends husband First of all, ilt doesn't matter if its lust, love or whatever you want to call it, and it doesn't matter anything.

One of the greatest mitzvahs and ideals in Judaiism is Shalolm Bayis. (peace between a husband wife.)

One of the greatest evils in Jusaism is to destroy shalom bayis-to do or say anything at all that could possibly lesson the love or admiration or good feelings between a husband and wife even to to tiniest degree.

And to even consider utterly destroyiing a Jewish home?
It is beyond comprehension that a person could possibly contemplate doing such an evil deed and that others try to justify it is equally unbelievible.

. Reply

I love my friend's husband Hello,

Can I say something from experience? The grass is always greener on the other side. If we live with someone we may find out they are not perfect but have the usual flaws and they may not be all that attractive as we thought.

Many husbands seem perfect to others, its only the people at home and the wife who knows the truth and often it is the opposite. This I speak from experience.

Now this may not be the case with this person, but just giving you another perspective.

I pray that you will find a true partner and be blessed. Stay away from looking at this person, guard your heart or you will get hurt. If you find it hard, best to keep a big distance till you overcome your emotions. Reply

Opposites attrack Your friend & her husband may both be fine, good people. In this case, it would be well to love them both enough to leave them alone. Search for someone that is good & single, and pray that if you marry....you have better friends. Reply

For G-d's sake, control yourself! I have created so much misery, shame, and regret for myself by getting all swept up in my emotions. Please don't make that mistake. Listen to Ms. Silberberg.

If your friend owned and wore the the most beautiful diamond you ever saw, you need to remind yourself that it belongs to her, and you have no right to covet it. I think the commandment not to covet a man's wife applies to you -- just switch the genders around. In principle, it's all the same.

Instead of "loving" her husband, try loving your friend. Try loving them as a couple and loving the sacred institution that is their marriage. Most of all try loving G-d and G-d's Torah which will put all this in perspective. Reply

wives the Rabbis stated many centuries ago: 1 wife, 1 husband. and the decree was accepted and period.

when King David was very old, and sick, and suffering due to his past mistakes, the young lady was hired to warm him, just this.

the Tanakh is not a fairy ale story, to read linearly. it's a sacred book, to study.

there is no way to find anything which can justify such a situation. by the way, no comparison is possible and permissible between us average men and King David.

every one should be humble enough to understand that our ancestors are far higher than anyone of us, from the worst evildoer to the greatest sages of the generation.

there is no politically correct or incorrect in judaism. there is the law and that's it.

by the way, one can always try to say that women have and inferior status in judaism. any one who is lightly learned will demolish such a reasoning in a few seconds. Reply

biblical response, not 21st century politically co This is a biblical response, not 21st century - politically correct response, which is mainly what Ive read from everyone else.
From all of my reading, Ive never seen in the bible that a man is not allowed more then one wife/concubine. It is always the female that is called the adulterous wife No reference to an adulterous husband. I need to first mention that the word adulterous is used because it is a reference to being an idol worshiper. So its not about multiple partners. However with that stated, a women who has an affair is stoned and so is the man in biblical times. (And in the Arab countries this is still practiced.)

Now lets look at all the men who had wives, concubines etc.
King David was ALLLOWED several wives. If Im not mistaken a king is allowed 18. In the book of Kings, he is old, cold etc. He has the maximum amount of wives. The advisors tell him they will get a young women to keep him warm in bed. Reply

Eliyahu's comment needed to be stated. Thanks for the appeal to logic and the reference to the Talmud. Where in the Talmud does G-d's intentions appear? Can you give an example. I'm intrigued. Reply

Best Friend's Husband Sorry to say, as a qualified counselor, I find woman often confuse the 3 "L" words, Like, Love & Lust. There is the danger of translating that "like" into "love" for him when in fact he is just showing you the qualities you would love to have in your future husband. I am assuming you are currently not married.

Sometimes G-d puts learning lessons in our path but still expects us to behave appropriately according to the Commandments.

Know that any relationships that starts whilst one partner is in another relationship has only a 5% chance of success because it was started with deception. Lies etc.

Wishing you all the best and finding a wonderful husband for yourself. Reply

Excellent answers and some crazy comments It is only human to developing feelings for someone out of one's reach. In fact, that is part of the attraction. (A man with an "open marriage" complained that once his bit on the side knew that his wife allowed it, she lost all interest in him.) Those feelings often overwhelm ones higher faculties, but the eternal Torah tells us what to do: "don't do to another what is hateful to you". Would she wish to be married and be paranoid that her friends are really just trying to get her husband? (which by the way she will be if she breaks up a marriage). The woman needs to distance herself from the couple, not just from him (If she sees him and ignores him, that is weird and is going to create more tension). If she really is a friend she will put her friend's interests first. Reply

I am so glad to see that many people shared my view that God did not bring this couple (or any, for that matter) together in order that a third party should meet the husband, fall in love, and marry HIM (or worse). I'm glad there are still some people in the world with their heads on straight. Reply

friend's husband Rivka C's comment is correct. Stop thinking about him and make sure you don't see him anymore.
It is insane to think the G-d is leading you to this in order to break up her marriage.
How can any normal person think like that?
I hope that by the time you read this you are over this childish infatuation. Reply

What Lazer in NYC said I think that what Lazer (above) said is so true: so much programming on T.V. and in movie theaters--even supposedly fine "literature"--romanticizes adultery and makes it sound like infatuation is a good cause for breaking up a marriage. I think so many of us have been brainwashed by this, and it's time for more writers, screenwriters, directors and the like to step up and portray real marriage and real love. Reply

Shonda I think Morris from sao pa. Brazil stated it perfectly. I hope this troubled girl really paid heed to his answer. Reply

Adultery I think some people have been watching too many movies. Real life is not a movie, nothing good can ever come of another's husband. I really don't believe GD wants a woman to find true love by destroying another woman's life. Reply

enough.
this is called evil inclination.
and there is a way to fix it: Torah, ethics and modesty. and respect. what else?
i cannot believe that some readers guess that these are G-d's ways, in order to put together the in-love lady with the friend's husband. this is insulting. Reply

I love my friend's husband I think Reb. Silberberg's answer is brilliant.
What a mind!! Reply