My friend's husband is such a fine, good person. I envy her for this man she has, and feel like I may be falling in love with him. Help!


My friend–who wears the same size dress as I do–had a stunning gown that I wanted to borrow to wear to my daughter's wedding. I tried it on and it was a disaster. It drained me of all color, and seemed to have been designed expressly to make me look as short, dumpy, and frumpy as possible. But, oh, it looked so beautiful on her! Eventually I found a different gown (which wasn't that exciting on the hanger) that was perfect for me, looked great, and earned me tons of compliments.

If you believe in G‑d, then you surely believe that He is running, supervising, and orchestrating all the events that take place in this world. That's why our sages teach that no one can take possession of anything that is meant for someone else. And if this man is your friend's husband, then he is not meant for you–like the dress that looks so beautiful on the hanger or magnificent on your friend, but on you, it emphasizes all your flaws and clashes with your coloring.

You might, however, try to observe your friend and learn from her. What kind of qualities does she have that make her beloved by a fine man? And then try to emulate those positive qualities yourself. That's one thing you are allowed to envy–and even to steal for yourself: another person's good traits.

Keep telling yourself that you are destined to find true love, to find your soul mate. But that's not going to be your friend's husband. He won't fit right. G‑d willing you will find your own soul mate soon.