Rambam - 1 Chapter a Day

How is the bond of kiddushin established with a woman? If the man [desires to establish] the kiddushin by [the transfer of] money, [he must give] a p'rutah, either in coin or its worth.

[Before giving it], he tells her, "You are consecrated unto me...," "You are betrothed to me...," or "You become my wife through this." He must give her [the money or the item] in the presence of witnesses.

It is the man who makes the statement that implies that he acquires the woman as his wife, and it is he who gives her the money.

If she gave him [money] and told him: "Behold, I am consecrated to you," "Behold, I am betrothed to you," "I am your wife," or [she used] any other expression that implied acquisition, the marriage bond is not established. Similarly, if she gave [him money] and he made the statement, the marriage bond is not established.1 If he gave [her money] and she made the statement [the matter is unresolved,]2 and the status of the kiddushin is in doubt.3

If the man establishes the marriage bond with [the transfer of] a legal document, [the following rules apply:] He should write on paper, on a shard, on a leaf or on any other article4 he desires: "You are consecrated unto me...," "You are betrothed to me...," or any similar expression. He must then give her the document in the presence of witnesses.5

The document must be written for the sake of the woman who is being married, as must a bill of divorce,6 and it must be written with her consent.7 If it was not written for her sake, or if it was written for her sake, but was written without her consent, the marriage bond is not established. [This applies] even when he gives her [the document] with her consent in the presence of witnesses.

If the man consecrates through sexual relations, he should tell the woman, "You are consecrated unto me...," "You are betrothed to me...," or "You become my wife through these relations," or choose a similar statement. He must enter into privacy with her in the presence of witnesses and engage in relations.8

When a person consecrates through sexual relations, one may assume that his intent is on the conclusion of the relations;9 when the relations are concluded, the marriage bond is established. Regardless of whether the couple engage in vaginal or anal intercourse, the marriage bond is established.

The statements that the man makes when he consecrates [his wife] must imply that he acquires her as a wife, and not that he gives himself to her. What is implied?

Should he tell her, or write in the document he gives her: "I am your husband," "I am your betrothed," "I am your man," or the like, the marriage bond is not established at all. If he tells her or writes to her: "Behold, you are my wife," "Behold, you are my betrothed," "Behold, you are acquired by me," "Behold, you are mine," "Behold, you are my possession," "Behold, you are my designated one,"10 "Behold, you are within my property," "Behold, you are bound to me," or the like, the marriage bond is established.

Should he tell her, or write to her: "You are set aside for me," "You are earmarked for me," "You are my helper," "You are my counterpart," "You are my rib," "You are closed off for me," "You are below me," "You are my captive," "You have been taken by me," [the matter is unresolved, and] the status of the kiddushin is in doubt.

The above applies only when the man was [previously] speaking to the woman about establishing a marriage bond. If he was not speaking to the woman about such a matter, these words are of no consequence.

A man may consecrate a woman by making statements in any language that she understands, provided that, in that language, his statements mean that he is acquiring her, as explained.

If a man was speaking to a woman about consecrating her and she consented, and he immediately gave her [something] in her hand to consecrate her or engaged in sexual relations [with that intent], without [making a statement] clarifying [his purpose], it is sufficient. Since they were speaking about this matter, it is not necessary for him to be explicit.

Similarly, a man need not tell witnesses who observe kiddushin or divorce, "You are my witnesses."11 As long as he has divorced or consecrated a woman in their presence, she is consecrated or divorced.

When a man tells a woman, "Become consecrated to my half," she is consecrated. To what can this be compared? To his saying, "May you become my wife, and also another woman." And so, she has only half a man.

If, however, he said: "Half of you is consecrated to me," she is not consecrated. For a woman cannot be consecrated to two men. Similarly, if he says, "Behold, you are consecrated to me and to him," the woman is not consecrated.

If he told her: "Behold, half of you is consecrated to me with a p'rutah, and half of you [is consecrated to me with another] p'rutah," or if he told her: "Behold, half of you is consecrated to me with half a p'rutah, and your other half [is consecrated to me with another] half a p'rutah," she is consecrated.12

If he told her: "Behold, half of you is consecrated to me with a p'rutah today, and half of you [is consecrated to me with another] p'rutah tomorrow," or if he told her: "Your two halves are consecrated to me with a p'rutah,"13 "Your two daughters are consecrated to my two sons with this p'rutah," "Your daughter is consecrated to me, and your cow is sold to me with this p'rutah," or "Your daughter... and your land... with a p'rutah" - in all of these circumstances, [the matter is unresolved, and] the status of the kiddushin is in doubt.

A father may consecrate his daughter without her knowledge while she is a minor. Even when she is a na'arah,14 he still possesses this right, as [implied by Deuteronomy 22:16]: "I gave my daughter to this man."

[The money received as] kiddushin belongs to her father. Similarly, he has the right to [any ownerless property] she finds, [the wages she receives for] her labor, and [the money she receives as stipulated in] her ketubah if she is divorced or widowed before the marriage bond is consummated. He is entitled to all these until she becomes a bogeret.

Therefore, a father is entitled to receive kiddushin on behalf of his daughter from the day she was born until she becomes a bogeret. Even if she is a deaf mute or intellectually incompetent, if her father consecrates her [to another man], she is his wife.

If a girl is older than three years and one day, she can be consecrated through sexual relations with her father's consent. Should she be below this age, if her father has her consecrated through sexual relations, the marriage bond is not established.15

After a daughter becomes a bogeret, her father has no rights over her; she is like all other women, and she can be consecrated only with her own consent.

Similarly, if her father had her married, the marriage bond was consummated [nisu'in],16 and then she was widowed or divorced, [even] in her father's lifetime, she is considered to be independent, despite the fact that she is still a minor. Once a woman enters nisu'in, her father no longer has any authority over her.

When a girl receives kiddushin without her father's knowledge before she reaches the age of majority, the marriage bond is not established.17 [This applies] even when the father consents subsequently.18 Moreover, if she is widowed or divorced after these kiddushin, she is not forbidden [to marry] a priest.19

Both she and her father can prevent [the marriage bonds from taking effect].20 Regardless of whether she was consecrated in the presence of her father or not, she is not consecrated.

[The following rules apply when] there is doubt whether or not the girl is a bogeret: Whether her father consecrated her without her consent, or she consecrated herself without her father's consent, the status of the kiddushin is in doubt. Therefore, [to marry another man,] she must receive a get given because of the doubt.

A man may appoint an agent to consecrate a wife for him. [This applies] if he specifies a particular woman, or gives the agent the authority to consecrate any woman. Similarly, a woman past the age of majority21 may appoint an agent to receive kiddushin for her. [This applies] if she specifies [that they be given by] a particular man, or gives the agent the authority to receive them from any man. Similarly, a father may appoint an agent to accept the kiddushin of his daughter as long as she is under his authority.

A man may tell his daughter who is below the age of majority, "Go out and receive your kiddushin."22

When an agent is appointed to receive kiddushin, he must be appointed in the presence of two witnesses.23 When, by contrast, a man appoints an agent to consecrate a woman, there is no need for the appointment to be made in the presence of witnesses. For the only purpose witnesses would serve with regard to the agency of the man is to make known the truth of the matter.24 Therefore, if the agent and the principal acknowledge the appointment, there is no need for witnesses, [as in parallel cases, such as] an agent appointed to bring a get25 or an agent appointed to separate terumah.26

In all matters, a principal's agent is regarded as the principal himself, and there is no need to appoint witnesses.

An agent may serve as a witness. Therefore, if a person appointed two men as agents to consecrate a woman, and they did so, they serve both as agents and as witnesses. Hence, there is no need for them to consecrate her in the presence of two other witnesses.27

All are fit to serve as agents [in this capacity] except a deaf mute, a mentally incompetent individual and a minor - for they are not responsible - and a gentile, because he is not a member of the covenant. [The latter exclusion is based on Numbers 18:28, which] states: "And so shall you set aside, and you...." [This is interpreted as] including an agent. [Our Sages commented:] Just as you are members of the covenant, your agents must be members of the covenant, thus excluding a gentile.

A [Canaanite] servant, although he is acceptable as an agent with regard to financial matters, is not acceptable as an agent with regard to kiddushin and gittin, because the laws of marriage and divorce do not apply to him.

An agent appointed by a man to consecrate a woman should tell her: "Behold, you are consecrated to so and so by virtue of this money" or "...by virtue of this legal document."

If an agent of the woman receives the kiddushin, the [man consecrating her] should tell [the agent]: "So and so who appointed you is consecrated to me," and the agent should reply, "I have consecrated her to you," "I have betrothed her to you," "I have given her to you as a wife," or the like.

Similarly, when a man consecrates a girl by [giving kiddushin to] her father, he should tell him, "Behold, your daughter so and so is consecrated to me," and the father should reply: "I have consecrated her to you." If the father or the agent says "yes," or even if he remains silent, it is sufficient. If they were discussing the matter, and the man gave the kiddushin to the father or to the agent without making any statement, it is sufficient, and the kiddushin are effective.

If the kiddushin are established by virtue of [the transfer of] a legal document, he must have the document written with the consent of the father or of the agent. In all matters pertaining to kiddushin, the same laws that apply to the man and the woman, apply when [the kiddushin are established by] the [man's] agent and [the woman's] agent or [her] father.

It is a mitzvah for a man to consecrate his wife by himself, rather than to charge an agent [with this matter]. Similarly, it is a mitzvah for a woman to [receive] kiddushin herself rather than to charge an agent with receiving them for her.

Although a father has the option of consecrating his daughter to anyone he desires while she is a minor or while she is a maiden, it is not proper for him to act in this manner. Instead, our Sages enjoined that a person should not consecrate his daughter while she is a minor until she matures and says, "I would like [to marry] so and so."

Similarly, it is not proper for a man to consecrate a girl below the age of majority. Nor should one consecrate a woman until one sees her and deems her fitting, lest she not find favor in his eyes, and he divorce her, or sleep with her while hating her.

Kiddushin established by virtue of sexual relations are effective according to Scriptural law. Similarly, kiddushin established by virtue [of the transfer] of a legal document are effective according to Scriptural law. Just as [the transfer of a legal document] concludes a divorce, as [Deuteronomy 24;1] states: "And he shall write her a scroll of divorce," so too, [the transfer of a legal document] concludes [the establishment of the marriage bond].

[The effectiveness of the transfer of] money stems from Scriptural law,28 but its interpretation is based on Rabbinic law. [Deuteronomy, ibid.,] states "When a man takes a wife," and our Sages29 explained: This [process of] acquisition involves [the transfer of] money, as implied by [Genesis 23:13]: "I have given the money for the field; take it from me."

Although this is the essence of the principle, it has already become universal Jewish custom to consecrate [a marriage bond] through [the transfer of] money or objects that are worth money. If one desires to consecrate [a woman] by [giving her] a legal document, one may, but at the outset one should not consecrate [a woman] through sexual relations.

If a man consecrates [a woman] through sexual relations, he is given stripes for rebelliousness,30 so that the Jewish people will not extend beyond the limits of modesty in this manner. Nevertheless, the kiddushin are binding.

Similarly, a man who consecrates a woman without establishing an engagement previously, or a man who consecrates a woman in the marketplace, is given stripes for rebelliousness, although his kiddushin are binding. [This was instituted] lest such a practice accustom people to licentious conduct and invite a comparison to a harlot, as existed before the giving of the Torah.

Whenever a man consecrates a woman,31 whether by himself or via an agent, either he32 or his agent should recite a blessing before the consecration, as one recites a blessing before performing any of the mitzvot. [After reciting the blessing,] he should consecrate [the woman].

If he consecrates a woman without reciting a blessing, he should not recite the blessing afterwards. It would be a blessing in vain, for the activity has already been performed.33

Which blessing is recited?

Blessed are You, God, our Lord, King of the universe, who has sanctified us with His mitzvot and separated34 us from illicit relationships, who has forbidden the arusot to us, and permitted to us those who are married35 by [the rites of] chuppah and kiddushin. Blessed are You, God, who sanctifies Israel.

This is the blessing of erusin. The people have established the custom of reciting this blessing over wine or beer. If there is wine available, one should recite the blessing over the wine, recite the blessing of consecration afterwards, and then consecrate the woman.36 If there is no wine or beer available, one should recite [the blessing of consecration] by itself.