The battles fought between the Jews and their enemies, which took place on Adar 13 throughout the Persian empire (see "Today in Jewish History" for that date), continued for two days -- Adar 13 and 14 -- in the capital city of Shushan, where there were a greater number of Jew haters. Thus the victory celebrations in Shushan were held on the 15th of Adar, and the observance of the festival of Purim was instituted for that day in Shushan and all walled cities. (See Laws and Customs below).
In cities that are surrounded by a wall dating from the days of Joshua (13th century BCE) -- a prominent example is the city of Jerusalem -- the festival of Purim is observed on the 15th of Adar (instead of the 14th), in commemoration of the fact that in the ancient walled city of Shushan, the first Purim was celebrated on this day (see "Today in Jewish History").
(For an overview of the Purim observances and links to more information, see "Laws and Customs" for Adar 14.)
You cannot blame yourself, never mind persecute yourself, for how you feel. But you can rejoice in the battle of controlling and sublimating those feelings.
Every small victory within yourself is a major triumph over the darkness of this world. Indeed, this is why this darkness was placed within you, in order that you may transform it into great light.