Dec. 29, 2008. Today we received our orders. That's about all I can say. Initially there was a wave of excitement, but then it became a sobering time. I can't describe what it is like to look at the faces of your closest friends and wonder which of them will die. I'm 24, but most of them are only 19 or 20. They're just kids. A lot of them look to me for support, being older and more experienced with death. But there's not a lot I can say. My usual response is to laugh it off with a twisted joke and show no fear myself. Honestly I'm not that scared. I'm too stupid to be scared.

I live on a religious kibbutz in the south. For the first time Grad missiles were landing a few miles away from them. One of my best friends called me from a bomb shelter. She was shaking. When i made aliyah, I was fighting for a Zionistic ideal. When I joined the Paratroopers, I was fighting for the State of Israel. But now... I'm fighting for my home. For my friends. For myself.