Prayer Before Prayer

I am about to give the lecture of my life. Or at least, of my life up to this point. I was given notice months ago; I will be speaking in front of thousands. I will be lecturing on the subject that I am an expert on. I have utilized every resource and prepared an adequate speech. The opening line is really funny. The closing statement really inspiring. I have rehearsed in front of the mirror, behind the pulpit and in my wife’s ears. I did all I can for my lecture to come out perfect. Yet, I’m nervous. What if I mess up? What if I forget a line? What if my jokes are not funny? What if my message is dull? What if I leave here and besides polite applause I haven’t influenced anyone?

I am about to chant Kol Nidrei on Yom Kippur eve. For months I listened to recordings, rehearsed and trained my voice. I wrap my Talit around my head and think about the hundreds that are waiting to be uplifted and inspired. Years of experience and score of performances. Yet, I’m nervous. What if I mess up? What if I forget a note? What if my voice doesn’t carry? What if my song doesn’t inspire? What if I leave here and besides polite smiles I haven’t impacted anyone?

I am about to present a grant proposal to the Foundation’s board. I researched, I calculated, I know the need, I know the problems, I know the solutions. The future of my organization lies in the minds and hearts of the Board members. I have chosen the right words; I know I can convey my passion for what I do. I know I can convince them of the great need. Yet, I’m nervous. What if I mess up? What if I forget a detail? What if I can’t answer a question? What if my plea doesn’t inspire? What if I leave here and besides polite handshakes I haven’t influenced anyone?

"My L-rd, open my lips, and my mouth shall declare Your praise"- Psalms 51:17

Our sages spent years creating the perfect prayer. The accumulated wisdom of the 120 Men of the Great Assembly brought to fruition the blessings that temporarily replace the daily sacrifices offered in the Holy Temple. The power of holiness invested in them inspired them to create a series of prayers that include all the possible words man can utter to G‑d. The final product, the Shemone Esrei, is recited trice daily by millions of Jewish people for the past 2000 years. We ask G‑d for health, for wisdom, for sustenance, for peace, for finding oneself. But are we saying it right? Is there a guarantee that it is going to work? Will we be humbled by the G‑dly words?

We truly don’t have control over the outcome of our actions. Inasmuch as we prepare a speech, a song or a presentation, the impact it will have on people is up to G‑d. No matter how perfect our prayers are, they are limited to what a human can accomplish. And humans can’t control outcomes. So before I pray I read a verse of Psalms, to introduce G‑d to my prayer. Before I read the holy blessings of the Shemone Esrei I ask G‑d to speak through me. I ask G‑d to take whatever it is that I am uttering and do with it what He wants. I humble myself by reminding my heart and my brain that I am standing before G‑d, and must put my ego and my expectations aside.

"My L-rd, open my lips, and my mouth shall declare Your praise"- Psalms 51:17

As I approach the podium, as I intone the Kol Nidrei, as I enter the conference room, I pray: G‑d, let Your will be done through me. G‑d, I did all that was humanly possible to create the perfect receptacle for your blessing, now I will step aside and let You do the speaking, I will let You do the singing, I will let You give the presentation.

I have no doubt of the outcome.

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7 Comments

Anonymous Israel May 26, 2010

Serenity_Prayer This article is really nice. Thank You. It brings forth again my feelings towards the Serenity Prayer that they say at meetings... it always bothers me, for I know that the writer of this prayer did not refer to the G-d that i pray to, the G-d, the Power that is greater than me... Judaism has so many nice prayers, any ideas to start a Jewish meeting with? Reply

mark alcock Durban, SA January 14, 2009

Sincere vs insincere prayers. Indeed what matters most when we pray is that we pray with faith & zeal & we are 100% focussed on G-d alone as we present our prayers. What we also forget too, is to with incumbency & humbly,politely and sincerely end by asking G-d what we can do for HIM ??? In fact we should spend more time asking G-d what we can do for Him ,than what He can do for us and then we might also be less concerned about how we should prepare for the prayer before the main prayer.
You see a relationship with G-d, is a 2 way covenant of purest love & undivided commitment to aim to please G-d. Succinctly put, through prayers we enjoy an eternal evolving friendship, with a balance of give & take. It should not be a 1 way direction of taking, leaning on, begging, crying & beseeching indulgently before HIM. Reply

S. Evans January 13, 2009

Prayer Before Prayer YES!!! That is exactly the way I, too have been led! Reply

mark alcock Durban, SA January 12, 2009

Be about unceasing prayers . The Commandments command us to to love,fear ,obey ,depend and focus on G-d unceasingly.If this is done well, then there is no fear or need to worry or consider preparation all of a sudden before prayers .Why ? Because life becomes 1 long unceasing & natural prayer of 2 way blessings imbued with our humble gratitude ,which grows in maturity with time .This piety brings us closer to G-d ;daily increasing with wholesomeness : filled of spiritual love ,joy,peace ,wisdom,discretion and deeper understanding. Reply

Laurel Bat Zion Fort Worth, TX January 11, 2009

Thank you for your wisdom! I often I been called to speak to women whose lives effected by abortion and sexual abuse. Thank you for reminding me of the sacred honor and responsibility it is to speak to the words of the Almighty to his most precious daughters. Shalom! Shalom! Reply

sarah r. wb, mi January 8, 2009

Inspiring That was a very stirring article. Thank You. it reached deep into my hearts and found a place there to flourish. this (with regard to your article) is putting G-d is everything into action. this is building trust with my creator. this also allows me the freedom to not judge myself because if i have asked G-d to guide my thoughts and my words than it is out of my hands and i cannot say the "wrong" thing only the thing G-d wishes me to say. thank you again. Reply

mark alcock Durban, Sa January 5, 2009

its righteous to be pious ,always. Of Course G-d knows us (OMNISCIENT ) better than we know ourselves.After all He programmed & created us too ! He knows what you will say before you say it ; all life long.Don't fret before you pray ,(unless you guilty & must repent before you offer up prayers ) rather clean yourself up ! Ensure your body,mind & heart is free from sin : pure and clean and righteous ,for this He knows & examines too !!! Rest in these words of comfort ,in which portion says "Be still and know that I am G-d." Reply

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