There I was, holding my newborn baby close to my beating heart. Taking in her tiny features, pink lips and bright blue eyes. Her small fingers and soft brown hair. Witnessing the miracle of life, of becoming a mother, all over again.
And there in my arms I held more than my new baby. I held memories of Chaim Boruch as he entered this beautiful world almost eight years ago. I closed my eyes and reminisced, turning pages of the baby album that I carried deep within me. Pictures that I had taken with my mind and cradled with my heart, when my arms could no longer hold him. When I was submerged in an intense world of insecurity, fear, questions and confusion.
Chaim Boruch had become a big brother twice already, and during those initial weeks of newborn beginnings he wished to have nothing to do with me or our new baby. So, eager to prepare Chaim Boruch, I spoke to him daily about the arrival of his new sibling, trying to infuse him with the will to accept and love this addition to our family.
I remember living with a lump in my throat that would almost obstruct my breath, as I prayed for his acceptance, his understanding and his love. And then, the moment I had dreamed of and prayed for unfolded before my eyes.
Chaim Boruch took a keen interest in his new little sister. He watched her from a few feet away, smiling a magnificent smile. Then he approached his little sister with pride that I had never seen before. He put his arm around her, touching her soft cheek with one unsteady finger. His eyes spoke volumes.
And there I stood with that familiar lump in my throat . . . yet this time, choking back deep emotions of sheer gratitude and awe.
Time stood still while pages in my mind quickly turned, reaching a new chapter in our special album of life. Chaim Boruch has made huge strides, taken gigantic steps, traveled over mountains so high. A big brother has emerged, a new relationship has sprouted, and I am inspired and overwhelmed. Inspired by what could have turned his little world upside down. Overwhelmed by his simple acceptance and love.
I am blessed. Blessed to be the mother of this little boy with a big heart.
I think about how many times change has thrown me off my feet. I think about the stinging tears that blurred my vision, preventing me from looking past the thorns and debris of my life.
Yet this special seven-year-old holds the key to a tremendous depth of understanding, pure love and unbelievable growth. He is more than a big brother, more than a little brother. He is my hero, my mentor, my role model.
There I was, holding my Chaim Boruch and his little sister close to my beating heart.
