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Men Not Interested in Me

Men Not Interested in Me


Dear Rachel,

I am really starting to get concerned with the fact that I haven't found a nice Jewish man to spend the rest of my life with. I am going to be 34 years old soon and I am finding that where I live is the hardest place to meet a man who wants a serious relationship. I think that I am a good catch... I'm healthy, smart, in shape, well educated and traveled. What can I do about my single situation?

Still Single

Dear Still Single,

Unfortunately, I am hearing many women in your situation—really good "catches," smart, healthy and educated women who cannot find their life partner.

I'm not very familiar with the situation in your area, or how many Jewish men live there. But what I would suggest in general is a very proactive approach to finding your bashert (life partner).

Network with as many people as you can, just like you would to find a job, but even more so, as this is so much more important—this is your future! Let the word out that you are looking to find a partner, and explain what you are looking for. You never know who might know someone who knows someone. Speak to friends, neighbors, colleagues.

Do you attend a synagogue? That might be a good place to network as well—people have nephews, cousins, grandsons, who all have friends... Are there Jewish single groups where you live catering to help Jewish singles find their partners? I know different groups organize single weekends or Shabbatons. It might be a good idea to join some of these, even if you have to travel far away to attend.

As well, there are people who specialize in trying to make matches. Perhaps you can contact one, either in your city or further afield. I'm sure your rabbi can hook you up with one such "matchmaker."

There are also online services that you can try out that connect Jewish singles all over the world via international data bases.

These are all some ideas of what you can do to try to be more proactive in looking for your partner.

And finally, it would be a good idea to sit down with a close friend and discuss what you are looking for in a life partner. Sometimes, our expectations are not realistic and we need to rethink what it is that is really important to us and what we are able to live without.

For more advice, see Whom Should I Marry?

Wishing you much success in finding your life mate!


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Discussion (7)
September 10, 2013
Ffortunately you are still faily young. My husband left me 8 years ago Just as I was turning 40. I am 47 almost 48 now and finding a good man just to date is extremely hard. I have done all those things Racheal suggests. But men are not interested in me either. I am not being picky, at least I don't think I am. First and foremost I want a man with my religious beliefs. A Godly man. Then I would like the following: That he have a job, is nice, and considerate to me. He does not need to be more then average in looks or tall. least my height would be nice. I found a man who had the same beliefs as me about a year ago. But, he gave the the "friend speach". I have just given up once again looking or even hoping.
Olympia, WA
April 19, 2011
Be Still
I've heard stories of women who have gone to a lot of parties, blind dates, etc. but still did not find the one. Then, she decided to stop trying. You know what? Love found her!
Los Angeles
May 25, 2008
Men NOT Interested?
I don't think "lack of interest" is the issue here. Sometimes, marriage and parenthood just don't happen - or they happen later in life.

Do you live in a Jewish Community with Jewish Singles Programs? If you belong to a synagogue, maybe your rabbi can give you helpful advice.

Whatever you do, DON'T RUSH!
Providence, RI
November 19, 2007
re-finding a husband
When I graduated high school in 1961 many females were ready or got engaged. You got married early then or went to college for your MRS. I got married late for then-24! I went to Young Adults meeting and just looked for friends or casual dates. I had stopped looking. Then I found him! Stop looking so hard and do things for fun and you may find him or at least make great new friends. One daughter met her man on Jdate type place for her city and area-another thru a friend. Some people do not marry and live happy lives-others marry late. Good luck.
Laura Mushkat
schenectady, new york
November 19, 2007
Unfortunately, it does happen that one tries all these resources and still comes up empty... as I can personally attest.....
Jerusalem, Israel
November 18, 2007
Rachel has provided several paths. I suggest asking G-d & utilizing these paths. " All comes from G-d " [ Ezekiel ]As a Jew - a loving heart & a lofty soul are any one's greatest attributes - the rest is icing on the cake. Please G-d - and you will be rewarded.
Tone Lechtzier
Trail, Or US
November 18, 2007
finding a husband
Really good advice, Rachel.