Q: Let's tackle the question of sexism first; do you sincerely feel
that there is no sexism in Jewish life?
Slonim: It is never wise to apply terms that have a set meaning and
connotation in one society to another system of belief and thought that is
radically different. Such is the case with the word sexism. Seen through the
lens of Western societal values where the inalienable rights of an individual
are sacred, and equal access and opportunity are the means towards that
Judaism may well appear to be sexist. In comparison to society at large, where
the struggle for power and control -- often between men and women -- looms large,
Judaism may seem out of step. But that kind of view ignores the crucial
differences between life in general and Jewish life. Jewish life is not about
rights, or power, or access. It is, above and beyond all else,
The world needs men and women; blurring that line does no one a favor
covenantal. It is
about actualizing the covenant between G-d and each individual and G-d and this
The Torah teaches that the ultimate purpose of our lives -- male and female
-- is to fill the universe with G-dliness and spirituality. This we do by
infusing our every action with sanctity, by using every opportunity to free the
G-dly spark inherent in each facet of creation. There is a name for this
exercise -- mitzvot. This is the definition of Jewish life.
Unquestionably, women have equal obligations and privilege in bringing G-d's
plan for this universe to fruition. Just as clearly they have their own
strengths, modes of expression, and areas of concentration.
In theory, an egalitarian society sounds like the ideal antidote to sexism.
In real life, however, it is neither tenable, nor remotely satisfying. A body
needs each of its different organs. Families are comprised of distinct units. A
partnership needs diverse strengths; a viable institution depends on people
serving in various capacities. The world needs men and women; blurring that line
does no one a favor.
There is sexism in day-to-day living all around us, and Jewish communal life
is certainly not untainted. There are sexist individuals, boards, institutions,
etc., and we must continue to agitate and exercise until that is no more. But
the Torah system of life is not sexist. It offers, nay demands, the same of both
men and women -- the fulfillment of the Divine will.
I consider myself a feminist. The basic task of feminism is to expose the lie
that women are any less important than men and to fight it on every level. Many
women are secretly afraid that in fact that may be the truth. A woman who is
certain that her position and function was ordained by G-d, and that it is every
bit as important spiritually, is not plagued by these doubts. She recognizes her
femininity as a strength, is certain of her worth, and uses her powers to the
Jewish feminine spirituality is a complex and delicate study. My book,
Total Immersion, endeavors to highlight an area of Jewish ritual that has
always belonged to women. And it does so in a fashion, that for the first time,
offers a deep, intimate probe through the prism of their own experience.
Mikvah offers a virtually unparalleled venue for spirituality and
self-growth and has spawned many a Jewish heroine. The volume is filled with a
montage of incredibly powerful images: the physically challenged woman who
immerses despite all odds, the women in Santa Fe who doggedly build a mikvah
with their bare hands, the woman in totalitarian Russia who lowered herself into
a freezing well, the women in Sweden who interrupt their cruise and brave
jagged-edged boulders to immerse in an ocean. Are these women equal? The better
question is: Who is equal to them?
Q: We know that words often fail us when it comes to esoteric
topics, but can you attempt to explain, especially to the skeptic, what
"spiritual impurity" is? And, is it something that must be accepted on faith, or
is there any rational basis for its belief?
Slonim: The laws of impurity, niddah and mikvah are decidedly
supra-rational notions. We speak here of statutes that must be observed on
faith. In this regard we are all skeptics. But there are a few things to be said
on the subject.
It is crucial to dispel the myth that purity is the religious term for clean, and impurity, the concomitant term for dirty
It is crucial to dispel the myth that purity is the religious term for clean,
and impurity, the concomitant term for dirty. Impurity is neither tangible nor
discernible; it is a spiritual condition. When we open the text, we see that the
Torah clearly makes spiritual purity a requisite to entrance into the realm of
the holy. In biblical times, and through the Second Temple period, the interplay
of purity and impurity took center stage in Jewish life. Entrance to holy space
-- first the tabernacle and later the Holy Temples -- was contingent on
spiritual purity. Today, it is in sacred union alone that this law is enforced.
For now-until the Holy Temple is rebuilt -- it is in our bedrooms that we build
the most hallowed of all hallowed shrines. Immersion in the mikvah is the
gateway to the holy ground of conjugality.
Judaism teaches that the source of all taharah, or purity, is life
itself. Conversely, death is the harbinger of tumah, or impurity. All
types of ritual impurity, and the Torah describes many, are rooted in the
absence of life or some measure -- even a whisper -- of death.
When stripped to its essence, a woman's menses signals the death of potential
life. Each month, a woman's body prepares for the possibility of conception. The
uterine lining is built up in anticipation of a fertilized ovum. Menstruation is
the shedding of that lining, the end of that possibility. The presence of
potential life within fills a woman's body with holiness and purity. In its
absence, impurity sets in, conferring upon the woman a state of impurity
referred to as niddut. Impurity is neither evil nor dangerous. It is
simply the absence of purity, much as the darkness is the absence of light. Only
immersion in the mikvah has the power to change that.
Seen in this light, the laws of niddah and mikvah are neither sexist
nor misogynist, they are simply G-d's created cycles of being.
Q: The argument is often made that a couple's observance of the laws
of family purity enhances their sex lives and that it makes "every month a
honeymoon." Do you think this is true? Do you think this is the purpose of the
Slonim: In answering your question I want to be careful of, on the one
hand, over-romanticizing the observance and, on the other, not minimizing its
unique and very real effect on a couple's sex life and entire relationship. The
observance of family purity is not a panacea or magical potion; building a
healthy marriage is hard work and a multifaceted endeavor.
But I think it is true to say that mikvah observance brings to marriage a
definite element of excitement, renewal, and respect that might otherwise not be
there. It is no secret that society at large struggles with sex-related
The mikvah regimen forces couples to find ways of expressing love, care, and concern all without touching skins
on a continuous basis. For a large percentage of couples the problem is simply
boredom. Mikvah does much to alleviate this seemingly benign, but rather
insidious, condition. It brings the dynamics of anticipation -- almost
titillation -- and a heightened sexual consciousness more often associated with
courtship than with marriage into every month, for years. It brings couples an
enhanced appreciation of each other as they pine for a union so near and yet not
within their reach. It does much in the way of correlating their moments of
desire for intimacy and eases the power struggle that haunts so many
relationships. In short, a man and woman who love each other and don't have an
open-ended opportunity to be intimate will be less likely to take the time they
have together for granted and are much more inclined to use every opportunity
for lovemaking and sharing maximally.
Perhaps, the most important gift is a result of the mandated physical
separation. The mikvah regimen forces couples to find ways of expressing love,
care, and concern all without touching skins. For two weeks they must finely
hone that almost lost form of art: communication. With physical intimacy not an
option, they are catapulted into a deep friendship, which in turn can only help
fuel the passion they unleash when they come back to each other's sexual
As to the purpose of these laws, the Talmud does link enhanced marital
harmony and bliss to these laws and it is a phenomenon that is confirmed in the
laboratory of life. Still, this may not be true for every couple. Therefore, my
final words on the subject are that we can never fathom the ultimate purpose of,
or reason for, G-d's command.
Q: Do you ever think that rituals such as mikvah are nice human
inventions rather than Divine commands? Accepting the Torah as written by G-d is
a big leap for many.
Slonim: Clearly, accepting the Divine source of Torah is a big leap and
each one of us must make that leap on our own. The fact remains, however, that
it is precisely and only that belief that gives mikvah and the other rituals
value and relevance. While some of us may greatly appreciate the rituals and
find strata of meaning, even benefit and comfort in observance, in the final
analysis it is commitment to G-d's word that assures adherence. Without this
underlying, absolute premise, observance would most likely take on a sporadic,
rather than binding, character; it would vary based on time, circumstance, and
To take mikvah as an example: Immersion in a pool of water to effect
spiritual purity, not physical hygiene, is by definition an irrational,
inexplicable action, hardly a nice human invention. For every woman who speaks
of immersion in glowing terms, describing a sense of renewal and spirituality,
there is one who either fears or loathes water, finds the preparation taxing,
and/or views the whole thing as an inconvenience. The roughly two weeks of
abstinence inherent in the mikvah discipline, while affording couples distinct
benefits, runs contrary to human instinct and desire. It can hardly be termed
"nice," nor does it feel good to be physically removed from your beloved. Yet
the Jew who is committed follows the laws under every and all circumstances.
Total Immersion contains the largest collection to date of first- hand
accounts, stories, and tales on the subject of mikvah. I believe that the many
accounts of self-sacrifice on the part of women who observed mikvah -- in the
former Soviet Union, in the ghetto, and even in modern-day America -- despite
incredible difficulty are the most powerful section of my volume. These stories
of faith, and its steadfast expression, have touched me deeply and I know they
will affect readers in like fashion.
See The Mikvah and