I'm in a Relationship. It's Complicated

I changed my relationship status on Facebook. I wrote I was "looking for a relationship." (Who isn't?) For some reason, it had been posted as "in a relationship", and also that "it's complicated".

My friends got a little worried about this. They wanted to know if something was going on that I hadn't told them about. The truth is that I am in a relationship, just not the kind they were suspecting. And Facebook didn't let me say who I am in the relationship with since G‑d doesn't have an account on Facebook (wonder of wonders!).

I am in a relationship, just not the kind they were suspectingYou see, my relationship with my Creator is very complicated. It is painful at times. It's confusing; it sometimes seems non-existent. But it's always there, and I can never disconnect from Him, no matter how hard I try. And just like all relationships, I have to work on it. That's the most frustrating part. There's no shortcut or easy way.

I woke up this morning, and said hello to G‑d. We have a good relationship, He and I.

Or so I think.

I ask Him to help me find something, and there it is. I ask Him for a break from school, and the teacher doesn't show up. I think about my Partner every day. When things go wrong, it's "Oh, G‑d! What now?" And when I ask for help and don't see it, I say, "C'mon G‑d, you can do better than that."

But is that a relationship? I ask, He answers. He gives, I take. Seems somewhat one sided.

What am I giving back? What is G‑d gaining out of all of this?

While I pray every day, even multiple times during the day, is that enough? Will anything I do, anything I can possibly give to G‑d, ever be enough?

Is that a relationship? I ask, He answers. He gives, I takeIn my mind, the answer so often seems to be "no." Without all that G‑d gives me, and does for me, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't exist. So how could I - tiny, miniscule, and seemingly unimportant me - possibly try to give Him something back?

Compared to all that He gives me, I have nothing to offer. He gives me health, family, friends, the ability to love and be loved. G‑d, in His kindness, grants me life. And, in all this, He gives me the opportunity to try to repay Him in some small way. So I must take the chance.

I don't have much to offer Him. But He doesn't ask for much. Simply to keep the Torah close, and to continually grow in good deeds and kindness. And maybe in some small way, some very small way, through doing those things, I can thank Him for all He's done for me.

So do we really have a balanced relationship, G‑d and I? It's a question with no defined answer, but nevertheless one that must be asked every day.

I think I'll change my Facebook status to just that: "In a relationship. It's complicated"