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Do You Lose Your Temper?


By Chana Weisberg
Topics:   Self Control; Self Conquest,  Anger
Do you have a temper? The story of the little girl who lost her temper—and something to think about every time you are about to react in anger or sarcasm.

The story of the little girl who lost her temper—and something to think about every time you are about to react in anger or sarcasm.

By Chana Weisberg   More articles...  |   RSS Listing of Newest Articles by this Author
Chana Weisberg is the Director of Editorial Management at Chabad.org. She authored several books, including her latest, Tending the Garden: The Unique Gifts of the Jewish Woman. She has served as the dean of several women’s educational institutes, and lectures internationally on issues relating to women, faith, relationships and the Jewish soul.

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Latest Comments:
Posted: Jan 2, 2011
I agree with Carmen.
I think the parable about the holes in the fence is more suitable for adults rather than children.(Many adults find it difficult to control their anger.)The little girl now has to struggle with feelings of guilt as well as anger management.This is a huge emotional burden to place on a child!
I think it would be more appropriate for the mother to have a close look at what is happening in the child's environment. What is the general atmosphere like at home? Could a family member be contributing to the problem? What about the mother's own intereaction with her child? Is she inclined to be overly critical?What is going on at school? Is someone bullying her? Is she experiencing difficulty with her studies?
A child losing her temper thirty-seven times a day is a serious concern. Giving her mussar, a strict approach, will only add to her pain.
Posted By Shulamit, Melbourne, Australia

Posted: Nov 19, 2010
Do you lose your temper
There are two issues here; why is someone losing their temper & what to do about it. Both are equally important. I suspect that most people tend to focus on the why, sometimes using it to justify their actions and/or finding a solution. I believe the main intent of this article is to focus on the impact of losing one's temper has upon others, which is easy to overlook. Losing one's temper, even one time, can have a profound affect upon the recipient, especially children. All of us need to be mindful of our own behavior and how it influences others. The solution that was presented, is good, since it provides the person who is angry an opportunity to discharge this anger (excess energy) without hurting another person, to cool down & think about their actions. Doesn't mean it's right for everyone. One additional issue that needs to be looked at. What is anger? Anger means a person is hurting emotionally. Do we direct it towards ourselves (depression) or others (anger)?
Posted By Anonymous, Huntington Woods, MI

Posted: Nov 18, 2010
A smile
There are so many people who never get a smile directed at them. Does the face that creates a kind smile perform a Mitzvah? The person that just lost everything? The smile catches the sadness and elevates it with a ray of light.
Posted By .

Posted: Nov 17, 2010
Rxcellent parable
As one of the other people wrote, this article really got to me in a way no other article or lecture on anger has. It's sobering to think that the holes still remain... and they do. I wish I'd learnt earlier about Judaism's prohibition on anger.

Chana's presentation skills are excellent too.
Posted By Denise, Toronto, Canada

Posted: Nov 17, 2010
beautiful deep and affecting,
Just please drop the insincere "Let's be in touch" at the end.
Posted By Anonymous, Jerusalem

Posted: Nov 16, 2010
G-d willing I want to try this with my family ,I think the visual will really help all of us . Thank you for elevating this world .
Posted By Anonymous, L.A, ca

Posted: Nov 16, 2010
Anonymous from London. . . the story may not be true. But you know that. It's the spirit of it.

I heard this and thought, "Taking out a nail is a head ache and leaves a hole. . . what a way to resume tossing temper tantrums!" But I know better: it is better to not create the holes in the first place and leave the fabric of our lives whole.

Chana's discussion is to provoke thinking, not to adress news of a particular little girl who likes to get her way. But alas, you know that.
Posted By Anonymous, West of Siberia

Posted: Nov 16, 2010
Your Words
Thank you Chana,

Your words stilled me. So kind you are.
Thank you so much

Luther
Posted By Mr. Luther Phillips

Posted: Nov 15, 2010
to Anonymous in London
you wrote:
2) What about those people who cause us to become angry because of their ugly personalities?

Good Question. Everyone’s situation is somewhat different and thus can require different approaches.

Perhaps you can try focusing on ways to strengthen and deepen your own self when they behave in an ugly manner?
Can you limit the relationship (and your time) with the ugly personality?
Have you discussed with the ugly personality that their actions upset you?
Have you granted them the power over time to walk all over you?
Does the ugly personality’s ability to disturb you tell you anything about yourself?

Thank you Chana. That was a beautiful lesson to reflect upon.
Posted By Anonymous, Portland

Posted: Nov 14, 2010
Holes
Thank You, is all that can be said by me today, remembering this is my goal especially with my son's 8 and 11 year olds.
Posted By Mrs. Emma Snipes



 

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