Men Not Interested in Me

Dear Rachel,

I am really starting to get concerned with the fact that I haven't found a nice Jewish man to spend the rest of my life with. I am going to be 34 years old soon and I am finding that where I live is the hardest place to meet a man who wants a serious relationship. I think that I am a good catch... I'm healthy, smart, in shape, well educated and traveled. What can I do about my single situation?

Still Single

Dear Still Single,

Unfortunately, I am hearing many women in your situation—really good "catches," smart, healthy and educated women who cannot find their life partner.

I'm not very familiar with the situation in your area, or how many Jewish men live there. But what I would suggest in general is a very proactive approach to finding your bashert (life partner).

Network with as many people as you can, just like you would to find a job, but even more so, as this is so much more important—this is your future! Let the word out that you are looking to find a partner, and explain what you are looking for. You never know who might know someone who knows someone. Speak to friends, neighbors, colleagues.

Do you attend a synagogue? That might be a good place to network as well—people have nephews, cousins, grandsons, who all have friends... Are there Jewish single groups where you live catering to help Jewish singles find their partners? I know different groups organize single weekends or Shabbatons. It might be a good idea to join some of these, even if you have to travel far away to attend.

As well, there are people who specialize in trying to make matches. Perhaps you can contact one, either in your city or further afield. I'm sure your rabbi can hook you up with one such "matchmaker."

There are also online services that you can try out that connect Jewish singles all over the world via international data bases.

These are all some ideas of what you can do to try to be more proactive in looking for your partner.

And finally, it would be a good idea to sit down with a close friend and discuss what you are looking for in a life partner. Sometimes, our expectations are not realistic and we need to rethink what it is that is really important to us and what we are able to live without.

For more advice, see Whom Should I Marry?

Wishing you much success in finding your life mate!

Rachel