Do You Know?

Do you know what it is like to want to celebrate your wedding anniversary on a beautiful summer evening with your husband and children? To try and take advantage of one of the last nights of summer vacation?

Do you know what it is like to bring five kids and a stroller on a bus? To see their faces glow as they run around enjoying themselves and playing? Do you know what it is like to go to the holiest Jewish site in the world, and pray for the health and happiness of your beautiful family? Do you know what it is like to touch your one-month-old son to the stones of the Western Wall, where Jews have come to pray for thousands of years?

Do you know what it is like to have your entire life changed forever in a split second...?Do you know what it is like to try to get the whole family back on a packed bus so you can get them bathed and in bed, as it is almost 9:00 pm? Do you know what it is like to have your entire life changed forever in a split second...?

Do you know what it is like to hear the screams, feel the blood flowing, and not be able to move? Do you know what it is like to not know if your children are alive or dead? To lie in a hospital bed, and not know where your husband is? To try and describe to rescue personnel what your children were wearing and how they look. To explain that your newborn was on your lap, he had been nursing, but when they pulled you out he dropped to the ground.

Do you know what it is like to discover that they found your children, and they are alive, but hurt. They are alive, but terrified. They are alive but not yet able to be brought to you. Do you know what it is like to be told that they found your newborn baby boy, just one-month-old, alive, under the bodies of the dead?

Do you know what it is like to be told that your baby girl, just 1-1/2 years old, is embedded with shrapnel throughout her tiny body and face. They fear that she has lost one of her eyes. She is in another hospital. It took hours to identify her. The doctors wouldn’t let you see a picture as they worried that the sight of her wounds would be too much. They couldn’t bring you her clothes because they were too bloody. You finally identified your daughter by her little shoes.

Do you know what it is like to see your child bandaged and bloody? She cannot yet speak. She just screams and screams and screams. You barely have the strength to hold her. She begs for you but you cannot help her. As soon as you sit up the dizziness starts again. You have to lie back down.

Do you know what it is like to be separated from your 1-month-old baby, to not see him or hear him or touch him for over a week? Do you know what it is like to suddenly stop nursing? Do you know the pain that you experience as you fill with milk, yet with no suckling baby to give it to?

Do you know what it is like to share a hospital room with your three oldest children, ages 4, 5 and 7, and not be able to comfort or entertain them? Do you know what it is like to see that they are physically in fairly good shape, yet emotionally traumatized beyond words? Do you know what it is like to look at your seven-year-old daughter, the one who escaped with the least harm, and know that she remembers every detail of what happened? That she watched men, women, children and babies slowly die excruciating deaths, writhing in pain, as she sat covered in their blood and flesh?

Do you know what it means to live with your miracle being their tragedy?Do you know what it means to learn that your five-year-old gave his seat to a pregnant woman in her ninth month, and minutes later that woman was ripped to shreds, leaving behind a loving husband and one-year-old son? Do you know what it means to live with your miracle being their tragedy?

Do you know what it is like to not have any family in the country? To not be able to tell your mother who lives on the other side of the world since she is not well? Do you know what it is like to have phone conversations and pretend everything is fine, that nothing exceptional is going on?

Do you know what it is like to fear that in a few weeks, after the media hype has calmed down, that you will be left all alone? That you will be forgotten. That you will simply become another statistic.

Do you know what it is like to realize that you are the lucky one? That you are more fortunate than most, because you did not bury a child or husband last week and four of your five children will physically heal well? That your baby who may have lost an eye is far better off than many others? Do you know what it is like to be grateful for this situation and to know how much worse it could have been?

Do you know?

Author's note: The above lines are based on the actual experience of my close friend, Ora Cohen, whose family was victim of this horrific bus bombing in Jerusalem on August 19th, 2003. Four years later, her little girl, Shira, is still undergoing numerous eye surgeries to restore her vision. Her story is also recounted in A Hidden Angel.