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Do I Have a Soulmate?

Do I Have a Soulmate?

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Dear Rachel,

Is there any guarantee that each person will meet his or her soulmate and will find someone who truly loves them? Time and again I have had my heart broken and my hopes dashed. I'm considered attractive, I'm kind, generous, sensitive, smart, intelligent, warm, and fun to be with. So is there really someone out there for everyone?

B.D.
Seattle, WA

Dear B.D.,

It is said that before each of us was created, we were one big soul. Forty days before our conception, G‑d took our "big soul" in His hands and he split it into two pieces. The work of finding our soul mate is finding our missing half.

So how do we find our other half? We have to first begin by perfecting our half. In other words, we have to really know ourselves and be the best "half" we can possibly be. Your soul mate is out there, that's not the question. The question is: are you where you need to be to find him? Are you recognizable to him? Don't forget, he's looking for you too.

As for the "guarantee," you want one of the most powerful things about being in a relationship is that there are no guarantees. Faith and trust are such huge components in a marriage for this very reason. That's why our Sages compare the love between a man and wife to a fire. It is not static or calm, nor is it certain. It's not supposed to be. That is the beauty of a committed relationship…allowing someone into the most vulnerable and hidden places of our hearts trusting our emotions will be well received.

It is said that there are three partners in a marriage: the husband, the wife and G‑d. Until we meet our soulmate, it's just two partners… us and G‑d. This applies to that relationship as well. Because G‑d does not typically grant us a bird's eye view of His plans, we need to constantly bolster our relationship with faith and trust. We need to trust in our depths that He is guiding our steps towards our ultimate purpose, towards the "completion" of our soul.

Another strong component in marriage is communication. Communication is the essential ingredient to every healthy relationship. Since you are preparing to meet your life partner, it's important to practice communicating with your other partner, G‑d. Talk it out with Him. Some people call it prayer, but it could just as well be called communication.

Your "someone" is out there, looking for you. Be the best half-soul you can possibly be and G‑d willing, your steps will be guided towards each other sooner than you know it.

Blessings,
Rachel

“Dear Rachel” is a biweekly column that is answered by a rotating group of experts. This question was answered by Sarah Zadok.

Sarah Zadok is a childbirth educator, doula and freelance writer. She lives in Ramat Beit Shemesh, Israel, with her husband and four children.

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Discussion (53)
July 5, 2014
Go places where the kind of person you want to meet will be found
Go to, and be seen in places where the kind of people you want to meet will be. Is that a trendy city bar? Probably not, not if you are surfing this website. Don't waste your valuable time in low-probability experiments. Take a class at a local college in something you want to learn anyway. Eat in a kosher restaurant. Visit places where the values you want to raise you kids with will be found in people you meet there.
T
Portland
January 29, 2014
Hope
Dear Eliana from Brooklyn and anonymous from Atlanta,
I really am in a similar boat but I want to encourage anyway. I don't think you should give up hope because as long as there is life there is hope. Hope dies last anyways as it so should. So one should hang onto it. There is nothing to be lost from a positive attitude and only everything to be gained.
Anonymous from ReHarsh Reality. Somewhere.
Anonymous
January 26, 2014
I was hopeful
until I read the reply from Eliana in Brooklyn, NY. I am almost 41 and have never been married or in love. For a brief moment there, I was so hopeful. :-/
Anonymous
Atlanta
April 30, 2013
Do I Have a Soul Mate?
Yeah, we all have soul mates. But I hate to burst your bubble: Some people never find them. I'm 62, never been in love, never been married. That business about talking to Hashem? I've talked to him till I'm blue in the face. It's just not going to happen. The best thing is to learn how to be comfortable with yourself. If you're lucky, you have a good family to give you emotional support. I don't; given my age, most of my relatives are dead. If Hashem is truly with you, He'll send you good friends with whom you can share even more than you can with your parents. B", Hashem has sent me some warm, supportive people I can turn to now and then. But that nonsense about being ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE you'll find your basherte. Don't hang your hat up on that one. Maybe it's true, but sometimes a basherte can die before meeting you, or marry the wrong person and stick with him/her "for the sake of the kids" or "for the sake of appearances" or for the sake of cowardice. So, enjoy life while you can.
Eliana
Brooklyn, NY
December 13, 2011
Alone
First of all, please know that you are not alone. You are experiencing the type of loneliness and hurt that each of us has experienced at least once in our lives. Also, Hashem is with you. Perhaps Hashem is saving you for the perfect mate. In any case, this is the time to be kind and nurturing to yourself. Join a community, a chavurah, a shul. Do activities YOU love and you will meet others who share your passions. Good luck and try to see the beauity in the world.
eva
Solana Beach, CA
December 13, 2011
need a soulmate
i m just alone and my heart was broken by a girls who im loved since last 4 yrs but this was just one sided love so i need a girl who loved me and trusted on me .
Anonymous
balasore, Orissa
April 14, 2011
Re- Harsh Reality
I wrote the harsh reality posting back in 2009 and I just read it again. I wanted to say that I didn't mean it to sound so harshly. I am sorry if it came across that way. I was definitely not trying to be a judge of any one or anything. I think my first thought was anger about the violent person. I personally have been in a violent situation and I understand the cycle that the abused person gets sucked into. So what I meant to say was that it was time to reassess and run away. Shalom,
Anonymous
Somewhere
March 21, 2011
meeting a Jewish man
Dear Anonymous,
Perhaps you could ask the rabbi of your synagogue if he knows anybody who might be for you. Or if you know a married Jewish couple, ask them if they have any suitable friend. This is safer than just meeting someone in any old place. But one word of caution-even if a friend does suggest someone, please check him out very carefully before you meet him. There are so many creaps out there, make sure he' s a real mentch. You need a good friend to help you with this. I wish you much success and a happy nmarried lilfe.
Shoshanah
Yerushalayim, Israel
March 21, 2011
answer to Ms. ali tor
There are Talmudic sources and also the Kabbala Zohar) teaches us that Jews have Jewish souls. In the above article "Dear
Rachel" she says that G-d split our soul into two pieces. In a different article ,Aron Moses says that your soulmate is the missing part of your being. Now if my Jewish soul was devided into two pieces it is quite obvious that the other half is Jewish also, just as if I devide an apple into two pieces the other half is an apple, and not a pear or an orange.. Furthermore, the Torah (Bible) was given to the Jewish people on Mt. Sinai about 3,330 years ago. In the Torah it says that a Jew cannot marry a non-Jew. It is a union that G-d has forbidden. So our soulmate, the missing part of our being is obviously not someone our Creator does not want us to join up with in the first place. As far as converts are concerned, when a non-Jew converts properly he is given a new soul, a Jewish soul , and then he can find his true Jewish soulmate. With best wishes
Shoshanah
Yerushalayim, Israel
March 20, 2011
soul mate
I m not sure of a soul mate
sorry but i am more sure of a body mate
someone who can be my mate in many ways
as for soul, i have a soul , it is not half , it is whole and i work on being better and doing better deeds but soul mate?i think it is a myth
sometimes you see marriages that seem made in heaven but they are the exception not the rule
as for religion, it is hard to tell
where i live there are very few jews and they are not too friendly anyway so i dont know why i should make the huge effort
certainly fear is not one reason
i used to believe in jewish dating but there are so many not nice jews not to mention odd men i meet online who then go off somewhere else with someone else
so why bother=
i was married to a violent man and agree with the comment made to that woman , that there is no way to repair abusive men
definitly not in our life time
miracles happen but not by order
as for me , i dont know,i am seeking a nice intelligent creative man who will treat me well
someone
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