Dear Rachel Week by Week

Our 10-year-old son is a very sensitive boy. My husband is not an overly sensitive person. He has very little patience for our son’s gentle nature; in fact, he calls him a wimp...

I am having a very hard time, as the holidays approach, with teaching my children the beauty of Chanukah and not having them see it as a Jewish x‑mas. I know it has become somewhat of a tradition to give children gifts during Chanukah, but is this really a Jewish custom?

I am constantly feeling undervalued and unappreciated at my job. I have a great position with a lot of freedom, which intellectually would seem to suggest that they are happy with me and my work. Yet continuously I feel that I am being marginalized and unnecessary...

My husband keeps telling me that Halloween is American tradition and that there is nothing wrong with our six-year-old trick or treating, but something just doesn’t feel right. I think whole holiday is weird and I don’t want my child dressed up as a skeleton and going to strangers' homes? Am I overreacting?

Recently, I started reconnecting with a lot of friends through a social networking site. At first it was great and exciting to see all of their pictures and find out what is happening with their lives. But the other day my ex-boyfriend tried to "friend" me, and my heart stopped...

I had a falling out with a close friend and feel I wasn’t at fault. I’ve been waiting for her to apologize, but she hasn’t. Finally, I am ready to forgive her, but I don’t even have that opportunity. I just want to put this situation behind me . . .

I have recently begun studying more about my Judaism, and one of the things that I would like to try to do is to eat only kosher food. The problem is that my parents really are opposed to this . . .

Recently my husband and I have begun to increase our Jewish observance. From learning in our local Chabad house, we have begun trying to keep Shabbat and have started to eat only kosher food. We are hoping to very soon make our entire kitchen kosher as well. Our dilemma though pertains to schooling for our children...

With all the recent news stories about philandering husbands, I am starting to worry about my own. What can I do to help ensure that he won’t cheat on me?

About three years ago, my husband was going through a very hard time, and he was very mean to me. After a couple of very rocky years, with me wanting a divorce many times, things seem to have stabilized. My problem is that I just can't get past the past. I really don't think that I have fully forgiven him for those bad times. Why is this so hard for me?

I am Jewish but was not really raised with any religious observance. Last year my sister went to Israel for a year abroad in college. The person who has returned is someone I don't even recognize. She calls herself a "baal tshuva"...If she is a religious Jew, will she be able to stay close with me?

We barely spend any time together, hardly communicate, and more recently have been having screaming fights that leave me crying in my room. I still love my husband, and I want to work things out. I even suggested to go for counseling, but my husband refuses...

I was so excited when my teenage daughter told me she wanted to attend a Purim party. Being that she does not seem so interested in Judaism, I thought this was such a positive step, until I saw what she plans on wearing for her costume . . .

How do I know when I have found “the one?” I’m worried that I keep passing on great guys because there were no fireworks like I expected when we met. And I am scared that while I wait for Mr. Perfect, I am letting go of Mr. Almost Perfect . . .

I was starting to lose all hope that I would ever find someone, when I met Ethan six months ago. From the beginning he was attentive and kind. He seemed very in tune to my needs, and would buy wonderful presents. The first few months of our relationship were nice. However, I am starting to get very concerned about things . . .

My seven year-old son won't eat. He's as thin as a stick and the only thing that I can get him to eat is spaghetti. I'm worried that he's not receiving enough vitamins and minerals and that he is too picky of an eater. Do you have any ideas?

I am having a problem with my two teenage girls. They are doing reasonably well at school, and they each have a nice set of friends. The problem arises at home.They are both hyper sensitive and vigilant about how much attention/gifts/privileges the other gets. If one of them feels slighted, that's when the explosion happens!

My son is a gifted student who suddenly hates school. He complains constantly and is very stressed out and anxious. He desperately wants to switch schools but I am not sure if that is really something we should consider mid year...

I just found out that someone I was quite close with committed suicide. I am so shocked and overwhelmed by the news, but I am also feeling incredibly guilty...

My seven-year-old son is very into possessions. He can remember everything that he was ever given, who gave it to him and why he got it. He is constantly going around the house asking me about different objects, if they belong to someone, and if not, if he can have them. Also, he wants to keep total junk...

My husband and I are active community members. We have always valued being the ones that help shape a community, rather than just being one of the followers. And we have worked very hard to instill this philosophy of community activism into our children. However, our eldest daughter doesn't like to get involved with anything...

Every week the same scenario plays out at our family game night. My ten-year-old daughter starts up with her siblings and when we say something she gets very upset. I mean she throws a tantrum and says some variation of us not loving her. Nothing we do seems to work...

About nine months ago, my husband lost his job. I then started working full time and my husband has taken over some of my previous duties (car pool, dinner prep etc.). Unfortunately, he is becoming more and more angry over it, and extremely resentful...

I have just been promoted as a CEO for an up and coming hotel chain. This is a job that requires extensive travel and time. However, there has been an increasing amount of tension in the house when I get home...

While I know that my husband loves me, I still feel the need to hear it and it hurts me that he can’t say it, even when it is so important to me. Am I making a big deal out of nothing?

I'm planning my dream wedding but it seems to be turning out as a nightmare for everyone else. I want to get married on the beaches in Hawaii but a number of our family members can't travel that far or afford it. While it is very important for me to have them there, this is my special day and I feel it should be the way I want it. What do you suggest?

I have had a difficult relationship with my mother my entire life. While I was never physically abused, I definitely suffered severe emotional abuse. Still today when I am around her I revert to being a hurt child and don't feel I can protect myself. Should I cut off the relationship or somehow pretend to ignore what bothers me?

My in-laws think we should take the kids away over the summer and have offered to pay for it. But we really don't enjoy family vacations with young children. I'd love to use the money to send the kids to camp instead, but my husband is worried that his parents would be insulted if we don't take them up on their offer...

The pressure of dieting and physical appearance is something that my eight year old daughter is already aware of! Occasionally she will pat her round little belly and ask me if I think that she is fat. She is a little chubbier than some of her friends, but certainly nothing unhealthy or out of the ordinary. Should I put her on a diet?

This year, for the first time, we are hosting the family Passover Seder. We were very excited to finally be able to have everyone in our home, until we found out that distant cousins, who we find very offensive, plan on coming . . .

I am a student rooming in an apartment with another Jewish girl. Though neither of us is religious, I decided that I'd really like to be kosher for Passover this year, but my roommate is up in arms about having to do an intense cleaning...

My husband and I had a great relationship. But since giving birth, I find that I am frustrated often with needing to ask him to do things that he should just figure out on his own...

I have a friend whom I have known for years. More recently, however, she has been really depressed and non-responsive, and seems to blame everyone else for her problems. I am concerned for her and fear that her recent behavior will really create major problems for her. But she is not open to any advice...

I recently overheard a conversation where people were saying terrible things about a friend of mine. Meanwhile, my friend has no idea that this rumor is going around...

I am a very social and outgoing person, yet I am married to someone who is just the opposite. He never wants to attend social functions or socialize really at all. I am meanwhile feeling trapped and just want to go out but I feel strange attending an event without my husband. What do you suggest?

We are, fortunately, quite successful and have always been able to give our children everything they need and want. When they were younger this never seemed to be an issue, but now that they are all tweens and teens, we are having a real problem...

This might sound stupid, but I feel like there is nothing that I am good at. I have friends that are great writers, or singers or cooks, yet I can't think of anything that I can do that is unique...

I am the mother of a beautiful thirteen-year-old girl who always seemed to be quite confident and happy with herself. Recently, however, she has been spending so much time worried about her clothes and how she looks...and now she is trying to go out all the time now wearing makeup...

I've been dating a great guy for over a year now, and we are extremely happy together. The issue, however, is that I want to get married and he seems perfectly content with how things are right now. I agree that things are going really well, but I am ready for the next step and don't want to keep on dating...

I have always had a passion for art but never pursued it because it wasn't the practical thing to do. Rather, I got my law degree and have been a practicing lawyer for a number of years now. However, I hate my job and would love to do something creative. I know that in this economy leaving a well-paying job would be ridiculous...

I am the mother of three young children whom I absolutely adore. However, I feel like I am falling apart running after them. I grew up with a mother who was always stressed out and I don't want to be that to my children. Yet I don't know how to take care of all their needs and keep my home together...

Recently a newly married couple moved to our neighborhood and I wanted to make them feel welcome, so I brought them a cake and invited them over for dinner. They are extremely nice and friendly. The problem is that the woman now won't leave me alone...

I am incredibly close to my father, and he has always been a tremendous pillar of strength for me. However, I can't really say he has aged gracefully; and while he has always loved to protect and give to me, he doesn't really want any help in return...

My daughter is single, unemployed and just found out she is pregnant. She is 21 years old, a legal adult, and she has decided that she is going to have an abortion...

I have a very strained relationship with my mother and I always have. Perhaps it is that we are so different, or maybe that we are so similar, but we are rarely able to spend time together without us both blowing up. I do love my mother but I have a hard time being around her . . .

I recently lost my job and am struggling terribly financially. Meanwhile, my best friend for many years got married not long ago to a very wealthy man. While I can barely pay rent, they are jet setting around the world and she is constantly telling me of all her new gifts and purchases...

I am very newly married and now that we are sharing a bank account, I see for the first time that my husband is really spending more money than he should be...

I am recently married to a wonderful man who has two teenage children from his first marriage. The problem is that they have decided they hate me, even though they don't know me, and they are really making my life miserable...

Years ago, when I was in high school, I did something very cruel to my best friend when we were fighting. It spiraled out of control and was far more damaging than I had ever intended. I feel like this is something that I will never come to peace with. Should I tell her what I did?

My very close friend recently gave birth to her first baby, and has had a really hard time losing the pregancy weight. The problem is that she has started wearing clothes that are too small on her and really make her look terrible. I would love to somehow let her know, but I don't know how to address it...

I loaned some money to an acquaintance who was in a really desperate situation. I didn't ask for it back until I knew the situation was better, and then I emailed. I never heard back. I know Judaism teaches that you shouldn't bear a grudge, but don't I have the right to be angry?

We live in a very affluent area, one that is far above our means and economic level. The problem is that our children go to school with these other children, and expect to have the same clothing, gadgets and lifestyle that all of their friends have...

I am the type of person who likes to make the best of everything, but I end up miserable a lot of the time. Because nothing is so terrible, I have a hard time justifying that I should change anything...

My best friend has been dating a guy for a few months now, and she really seems to like him. The problem is that no one else does. Being that in the past year a number of us got married, we are concerned that she is with him just in order to be with someone...

My husband and I are happily married and have two beautiful children. The problem is that I really would like to have a third, and he is very happy with two. I know I should be grateful for what I have but I really want another child...

What do you do when you are in someone else's home where the kids are out of control? We are staying with my sister this summer but her kids are violent, disrespectful and basically, a terrible influence on my children. What can I do?

I am pregnant and thrilled over the news! The problem is that I am struggling with how to break this news to one friend who deserves to hear it from me, in person. This friend had a miscarriage about one year ago. Sadly, only six months later her husband died unexpectedly...

I live next door to a woman whose children are terribly misbehaved and a horrible influence on my children. Worse yet, the parents don't seem to notice or care. Every time my kids see them they ask to play. How many times can I tell my children "no, not today"?

My forty-year-old husband has cancer that is "always deadly" and according to our doctors, there is neither a cure nor hope for any future. While he has battled it for twenty months now and our rabbi always tells us that we should never give up, I do not know where to find the hope...

I am worried about my friend and fear that she is depressed. She has a few kids fairly close in age, and since her second child was born, her whole personality has changed...

I have a group of friends that I have been close to since we were in junior high school. Yet now that I am twenty-five, I am finding that we really have different interests and desires in life...

My husband and I have a wonderful relationship and love each other dearly, but there is one issue that we cannot solve. I desperately want children and he doesn't...

My grandson is in a play with his kindergarten class and very much wants me to come. I had been planning on making the trip, but just the other day I found out that my aunt, who is turning ninety, is having a birthday party that day...

I am engaged to be married yet recently reached the conclusion that I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with this man. It is not a case of cold feet, it is a situation where our goals and desires in life are just so different. What should I do?

My children play beautifully together when I am not around. Yet as soon as I enter the scene, the ‘Who is going to win Mommy’s attention?’ game continues in full-swing. Their constant bickering is driving me crazy and is turning their winter break into a nightmare...

My husband and I are highly educated with doctorate degrees. Our oldest son though is in 1st grade and isn't able to read yet and is falling behind. Not only isn't he the best, he is really the worst...

I am really starting to get concerned with the fact that I haven't found a nice Jewish man to spend the rest of my life with. I think that I am a good catch... I'm healthy, smart, in shape, well educated and traveled. What can I do about my single situation?

My sixteen-year-old twin brother is out of control and my mother doesn’t seem to be able to deal with it. We had always been very close, but now all he does is play video games...

I am a single mother of a teenage daughter who blames me for everything wrong in her life. I have always done everything I could for her but she doesn’t seem to appreciate any of it and recently left home to live with a friend. I am in so much pain and want her back home but can’t live with a daughter who hates me...

Unfortunately, my oldest daughter does not have any children though they are still trying and praying. Lately though, she and her husband have stopped attending family events. I understand that it is difficult for her to be around other children...but her siblings are starting to resent her...

My close friend recently accused me of doing something very hurtful to her and she will not speak with me until I apologize...How can I say sorry for something I never did?

I am having an incredibly hard time with my preschooler and I am starting to think I have the worst-behaved child in the world. He screamed the whole time in the store and people began staring. What is wrong with my child?

I met a wonderful man and we are engaged to be married. We very much want to live in Israel, but my mother is totally against the idea. I want to respect her, but I also want to start a new life with my husband...

My close friend is seriously dating a man that she is thinking of marrying. Granted, he treats her well, but he is rude to me, insensitive to others, has a quick temper and needless to say, doesn't have a good reputation...

My husband also loves the kids, but he feels that since we had them, we no longer do anything as a couple, only as a family. I agree but have no problem with this. He wants to go away for a few nights without the kids but I feel like I just couldn't leave them.

My father has never in my life told me that he loves me and it is so painful to me. A part of me tells me to just accept that he will never say it and another part wants to tell him how I feel. What should I do?

Is there any guarantee that each person will meet his or her soul mate and will find someone who truly loves them? Time and again I have had my heart broken and my hopes dashed...Is there really someone out there for everyone?

I thought I was happily married but find myself incredibly attracted to a co-worker. I always thought if you love someone you will not think about other people, and yet I find myself constantly thinking about this guy...

My husband's parents are involved in a high conflict divorce. My husband has unfortunately been exposed to some very unpleasant realities about his parents, and I see how his stress is taking a toll on him. It's been a few months now, and I can't seem to get him to share his feelings...

I am significantly younger than a lot of my co-workers and those I am directing. In most cases I am young enough to be their daughter! I am not uncomfortable about it, but it clearly seems that they are...

My husband has decided he wants a divorce. Should I try and persuade him to stay? Or do I let him go because it is obviously what he wants? The other thing is that I am pregnant...

A good friend of mind invited us over for dinner and when I told my daughter we were going there, she started to cry and said this woman's daughter is the meanest girl in the school. I am not sure if I should tell her mother or not?

I want to find someone that I can spend my life with, but I seem to end up with guys that treat me like dirt. Then, finally, I met a guy who treated me like a queen but I just wasn’t attracted to him...

A few years ago I was diagnosed with a terminal illness but was told that I had at least another twenty years to live. Last week, at my appointment, I was told that things had changed and I had at best another year or two left...

I was just at a friend’s wedding who I haven’t seen since college and who has become Orthodox. At the wedding, they never held hands and didn’t even kiss at the end of the ceremony. Is this how a couple that is supposedly in love acts?

My husband had asked me a few weeks before my birthday what I wanted. Not really needing anything in particular, I smiled and said "nothing" telling him that being married to him was all I wanted. I was trying to be sweet...

I work for a very intimidating man who is demanding and rarely appreciative. It seems I can do no right and I hate the work environment. At the same time, my office is right near my house and it pays well so I do not really want to look for something else...

I cannot wait to get married I feel I have found that person. We share a lot in common, have similar values and goals, and are both committed to learning and growing. The problem is that he is extremely immature…

I have found someone I could marry, but there is a large block in the road. I am best friends with his sister, who has been involving me in a lie regarding a man she has been dating. If her brother finds out, I could lose this very special relationship...

...We have been happy together for the last two decades. Over the past few years I have taken an interest in a more traditional Jewish lifestyle. My husband, on the other hand, couldn’t be less interested...

My son has started a streak of lying. He tells me he does things and then I find out that he didn't. I want him to understand that lying is unacceptable...

My best friend has recently been diagnosed with cancer. My mother died of the very same type two years ago. I want to be there for her, but I am so scared to go through all the pain and suffering again...

I am married to a good and kind man, though I simply no longer feel the kind of love I should feel toward him. Is there anything you can do when you have fallen out of love?

My boyfriend is really rich, and I come from a simple, blue-collar background. He is constantly showering me with lavish gifts, which I appreciate, but am sort of uncomfortable receiving them...

I have three daughters, ages 16, 14, and 11. While I know their grandmother loves them, she seems to favor the eldest...

My best friend and I have always been like sisters, but the last few years it seems that she is incredibly jealous of me and I don’t know what to do. I want to share my joys with her, but instead I find that I am trying to downplay my happiness…

My husband and his mother do not get along at all and she has decided that she will no longer be a part of our lives, including that of the children. She will not even return my 5-year-old's phone calls. What do I tell my kids when they ask where their grandmother is?

I am happily married to a wonderful man, but for some reason I find myself sometimes thinking about other men, and people I dated before meeting my husband. I know I will never act out any of these thoughts, but I still feel terribly guilty...

I just received news that my grandmother has very little time left to live. I am planning to fly to spend 10 days with her. I am nervous about being away from my kids, and about introducing the concept of death to their young, innocent lives...

My oldest daughter just began first grade and is having a really hard time. She cries all the way to school and when I drop her off. It is heartbreaking. On top of that, my kindergartner has begun to act out on the way to school also...

I’m in my 1st trimester of pregnancy and while I’m grateful to be pregnant, I’ve been feeling so lousy and am hardly coping with my life. My husband has been supportive and kind, but I sense that he is beginning to lose patience...

There is a woman who, although good-hearted, is quite aggressive in the way she speaks to people and has offended friends of mine in the past by telling them how she thinks they should live their lives. I'm making an event in the near future...

I feel very little love left for my husband, if at all, and not too much respect. He is so terrified to fail that he cannot bring himself to try most things that people attempt to do in life. I only stay because of my children...

I am a teacher and just received this note from one of my students. “My parents have recently gotten divorced. I'm afraid of my parents remarrying. I'm afraid of having to accept another person into my life, and into my parents' lives..."

I was widowed two years ago and have been left to bring up my two beautiful daughters alone. One is 9 and one is 7. They are both doing well at school, the problem I have is...

I have been dating a wonderful guy for a few months now and we are getting quite serious. Yet there is one huge problem. My parents are completely against the relationship...

I love my grandchildren, and for the past few years I have always been around to help with babysitting, but now I feel that I have been signed up as a near constant free-babysitter...

I am recently out of a relationship with a man that I had set my heart on marrying. We had been together for a while and he just couldn’t come to a decision whether or not to marry me...

I am a single woman, never married, and don't have any children. Is there a place in Judaism for the single woman?

I’m not sure why I have been feeling so down lately, but I am just stuck in a rut and I don’t know what to do...

My married son is very distant emotionally from me. He very rarely calls, never e-mails me hardly ever invites me over...

My husband bought me a necklace for our 1st anniversary, and while I appreciate the gift very much, I don’t really like the necklace...

My daughter and I have always been extremely close. However, now that she is 17 she has been trying to distance herself from me. Why is she pushing me out of her life?

The man I am thinking of marrying can be very sweet and kind. But just when we are getting along well, he suddenly changes...

I recently began seeing a man who really appears to have the qualities that I want in a husband. The problem is that I am really not very attracted to him...

I am in the process of an Orthodox conversion to marry the man I love. I am now living a wonderful observant life, but my fiancé is not interested in living in such a way . . .

My husband and I feel it is very important that our children have a close relationship with their grandparents. The problem is that my parents are always fighting...

I am presently divorced from my son's father and our son will be getting married very soon. According to my son, my ex-husband will not come to the wedding if I come...

I recently gave birth to our second child and our first son, 2 1/2, is obviously in need of a lot more attention. He has also reached the depths of terrible two's...

I'm in my first year of marriage and I’m having difficulties coping with my husband. I find that I am always criticizing him and I really don’t want to be but it is as if I can’t stop...

An old girlfriend of my husband calls him on the phone and keep on calling him "sweetheart" and I find it offensive. Am I wrong? Am I over reacting and should I just be quiet?

My mother in law is constantly criticizing me and my ability to parent. No matter what I do she makes a comment, and often in front of other people...

I've always had a hard time saying "no" to people. So everyone assumes that I'm always available. And when I need something, no one even offers...