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Chabad.org » The Jewish Woman » Acts of Transformation » Inner & Outer Beauty » I Thought I Was a Girl
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I Thought I Was a Girl


He's just your average college guy.

School team hat. Beaten jeans and sneakers. Blonde hair.

He sits to my right.

He is a boy.

I am a girl.

This girl and this boy are on flight 1016, both excited for their arrival in Miami.

They are sitting way too close for comfort They are sitting way too close for comfort, and this trip's battle over the armrest takes an easy loss on the side of the girl.

We're in the air.

The boy spreads out as much as he can, reclines his seat, and shifts his hat to cover his eyes.

Something's holding me back from relaxing.

No, not something.

A boy is holding me back from relaxing.

I'm not accustomed to sprawling out and resting in such proximity to a college lad.

So this girl is sitting upright.

There is no plan of action when you're stuck in 5 square feet and thousands of feet in the air. She'll just have to deal.

Soon enough, the young mister starts moving.

Ever so nonchalantly, our young man pulls out a magazine from his stuff.

And, no, it's not Newsweek.

They call it "Men's Health Magazine."

Apparently, a tan and barely clothed model has something to do with men's health.

I glance over. I have to see the expression on his face.

The pictures. The vulgar headlines. Is he seriously about to peruse through this magazine with a young lady seated right beside him?

This girls cheeks are probably a little flushed.

So he opens it.

The flashy pages totally grab my glances in this empty, crammed, and temporary space.

And now, every time he turns the page, I naturally look over…almost against my will.

The pictures. The vulgar headlines.

This men's magazine is totally dedicated to the objectification of women.

Women - for men's viewing pleasure.

I am utterly amazed.

Does this boy not realize?

I, too, am a woman.

I am a feminine being.

I have the same body parts

I may even wear the same lipstick.

And the boy sits beside the girl, turning the pages ever so casually.

This guy is acting as if I am a separate creation. As if I have nothing to take personally.

He is effacing my gender.

The lack of embarrassment is startling.

How could he not be uncomfortable?

Who does he think he is – exposing me to this?

Row 21 has never been the scene of so much squirming. I am cringing from within.

This girl wants to cry.

He is effacing my gender On a flight to Miami, I am forced to face the harsh reality of how all-too-many view the purpose of the female body, the truths of our all-too-often shameless society, and the horrors of a world with no respect for boundaries.

As I sat in 21E, this girl realized that people have become all too comfortable with their own perversions.

There's no such thing as "behind closed doors" anymore.

And not just that, but our young fellow has lost touch of the world. He doesn't even realize he's sitting next to a woman.

When he opened the magazine, I became an object.

That was the only way he could open the magazine without being guilt-ridden, without it feeling wrong.

After all, who opens a men's magazine with provocative pictures while seated an inch away from a young woman?

This girl feels a little taken advantage of.

She feels a loss of innocence.

And all because of your average college guy.

School team hat. Beaten jeans and sneakers. Blonde hair.

He sits to my right.

He is a boy.

I am an object.

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By Mimi Hecht (Notik)   More articles...  |   RSS Listing of Newest Articles by this Author
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65 Comments Posted  |  Post A Comment
Reader Comments
Latest Comments:
Posted: Feb 27, 2011
So why look?
I think people have a right to read whatever they wish. The young man was not bothering this young lady. He never looked at her or spoke to her. He was minding his own business, so I don't know what she was complaining about. Instead of sneaking surreptitious looks at his magazine and judging him, she could have engaged in reading a book of her own choosing, or do some needlework or knitting to keep her mind occupied elsewhere. He seemed to be oblivious of her presence, and was not trying to offend her. I figure what other people choose to read is their business, not mine. If it had been me, it would not have bothered me in the least.
Posted By Anonymous, Omaha, Nebraska

Posted: Oct 22, 2010
He thought he was a boy
The magazined objectifies guys too- as you had mentioned the guy on the front.

A woman who uses her body to attract a man will get a dog, the Greek saying goes.

Same goes for a man who uses money, looks, and nothing of substance to get a woman- he will get a female dog.
Posted By Masha, Toronto

Posted: Aug 8, 2010
who is the object?
When men objectify women, they really debase themselves as beings created in the image of G-d, thus becoming an object themselves.
Posted By Anonymous, ozark

Posted: July 11, 2010
Poetry
To me, this "article" sounds like art and the "experience" perhaps only exists in the mind of the writer.

I take it as commentary, a cry for a pure-of-mind pure-of-soul male.

What is her father like? Has she had respectful males in her life?

It is good to have a reaction in order to know what one wants in life. This girl needs to honor that she needs to find a man pure in heart, mind, and soul. And she will, if she will not settle for less.
Posted By Anonymous, Venice, FL
via chabadofvenice.com

Posted: Dec 1, 2009
this is a big deal
This article IS important for all americans to read and understand that it is wrong to look at those images even if it doesn't show full on nudity, and it just shows women immodestly dressed. men are viewing it as comfortable it is still wrong. I think people forget how it is wrong to lust, and that a man should guard his eyes and keep them just for his wife. It is equally not right for women to pose like that and to take advantage of mens visual aspects, Thats just how men are. but in the same sense men and women can control what they look at just as much as they can control what they say and do. Our jobs in this life is to not be open minded and to except everything, our jobs is to be the best that
G-d wants us to be, And that means by doing the right thing and by keeping our thoughts and images and what we allow in to be kosher as well.
Posted By Anonymous, Loveland, CO

Posted: Oct 21, 2009
Perversion!!???
would you rather he was looking at a picture of a scantily clad man?

Don't talk nonsense about perversion. Modesty is well and good and there to enhance sexuality. There is nothing immodest or perverse about men being attracted to the female form - it is how G-d created the world. Otherwise babies would never be made and men would just stay infront of Eurosports all day.

The Torah puts controls on this sexual attraction rightly so people don't abuse each other. But if you view male desire as perversion then you are going to head for big trouble when you get married.
Posted By Mrs Rachel Steiner, Jerusalem

Posted: June 18, 2009
Don't Make Yourself Into a Victim
No one can make you into an object unless you let them. It's not as if he, G-D forbid, attacked "This Girl". He opened a magazine, and to him, this is perfectly normal. Although to "This Girl" it may have seemed like pornography, it wasn't. Had it been, that would have been a different story. "This Girl" is very sensitive but lacks appropriate boundaries, which she will need to develop. She could have used the time to read tehillim instead of working herself up into a victimhood frenzy and actually writing about it.
Posted By Anonymous

Posted: June 9, 2009
society today
Wonderfully written. Please do more.

What a place society has come to. In public places we are crammed together into situations where physical contact is nearly impossible to avoid. Yet there are many who seem comfortable to stretch out and make the space even smaller.

Printing has gotten so good that they are too clear to call "just pictures". And the same is true for movies. We watch everything at home on a 110 inch HD screen. It is really just like being there. There is disagreement at home even because he argues that they are "just pictures" and I see it a taking advantage of women and making my body less special -- just another body to look at during the day.
(until the debate is settled, we have a no nudity rule. Period.)

Looking away for the little things just leads to the bigger problems. Little by little modesty is disappearing. And it is shocking where it has gone already. Why should I have to justify not having undressed (or even half undressed) women in my home?
Posted By Anonymous

Posted: Mar 15, 2009
Youthful Attraction, Or, Protesting Too Much
After reading this article and many of the comments I imagined: What luck! I get to sit next to a beautiful, radiantly pure young lady for the whole flight! I am very competitive, my physical form is enviable. I will be like a tropical bird and display myself. I will pull out this magazine and show her that I am dedicated to physical fitness and appreciation of the female anatomy - the only level of beauty I am at this time able to appreciate. If it were a man I was sitting next to, I would pull in my legs and read more privately. If she were fifty years older I would probably just listen to my iPod. But here is someone I instinctively want to impress. I wish she would just say hi. I won't, I respect her. She has to make the first move. But I'm not going to push her. SO- the boy is normal, young, on the alert for a life partner. So was she! So was she! They were more alike than the story reveals.
Posted By Nancy Walker

Posted: Feb 17, 2009
poor reading comp. skills
First of all, Mimi, your writing is beautiful, and I hope to see more of your work.

Secondly, most of the commenters missed the entire beginning of this sensitive piece. Mimi was uncomfortable sitting next to this sprawled-out young man. Couldn't relax at all...even before the magazine came out. Mimi told us all about herself there. I commend her for her sensitivity and I commend her parents for giving her such a refined upbringing.

I don't think the point here was the magazine. The point was our society.
Posted By M.H., Yerushelayim/North Miami Beach, Israel/Florida



 


Inner & Outer Beauty
The Power of Touch
The Red Carpet
The Girl in the Skirt
Uncovering the Mystery of Modesty
The Touch of Two Worlds
What is Beauty?
Dressing Up
I Thought I Was a Girl
The Hair Battle
Paper Cut-Outs
Esther: Hidden Beauty
Modesty and Mystery
My Beloved Mechitzah
Model Moms
Feminine Beauty
Showing 3 - 17 of 34