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Abuse

Abuse

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Why Can't They Just Get Over It?
Often, well-meaning people are not able to understand why many survivors of abuse are not able to “just get over it.” When one understands the mechanisms of the brain and the way it stores and retrieves memories, however, the picture becomes clearer.
Reparenting Ourselves
If I dared talk on the phone without asking him for permission, he would grab it out of my hand and throw it across the room. I needed to report to him exactly how much I spent and on what. If I bought an extra tomato, he would take away the credit card until I “repented.”
Making Our Home a Sanctuary
Everyone deserves to be physically, emotionally and spiritually safe at all times. This is not necessarily something we are taught, but it has profound implications for the choices we make in life. It is also the fundamental first principle to internalize for anyone embarking on the process of healing from trauma...
Coming to Terms with an Abusive Childhood
As I searched deep within myself, I realized that although logically I was okay with my life, my heart was in turmoil. There was a part of me that was angry, sad and anguished. My mind believed. My mind had faith. But my heart ached . . .
When Separation Is Protection
Yes, you have battle scars, but they are proof of your strength, wisdom and courage...
Things You Need to Know About Child Molesters
Although all children are at risk, child molesters particularly seek out shy and naive children; children with disabilities; and children who are experiencing loneliness, emotional neglect or strong feelings of alienation. Children who are not educated about child molesters are the most vulnerable of all...
When the Bruises Can't Be Seen
Living with Emotional Abuse
We're a well-thought-of family—we are considered bright and successful, with good mannered children who are a joy to have in class. But we have a terrible secret...
Breaking the Silence
Confronting One's Childhood Abuse as an Adult
Something has tormented my soul for many a year. I tried to live by the adage that what happens in the family stays in the family...
Out of the Depths: Reaffirming Life After Surviving Rape
When the people I was babysitting for returned and found me, they immediately called the police. But I felt more harassed than helped. Back in the 1960's, it was thought by many that women who were raped probably "asked for it"...
Overcoming the Unthinkable
Recovering from Being Raped by a "Friend"
I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to react. I didn't know who to tell...
When You Abuse the One You Love
A Mother's Journey
I remember feeling a constant sense of rage, always just under the surface of my every waking moment. I did not know where it came from – it was just there. I wanted to be a good mother, the perfect mother...
Reaching Out
A Fourteen Year Old Rape Victim Shares Her Story
I couldn't talk about the rape. If I talked about it I would feel it, it would be real. I wanted to pretend like it didn't happen, and if no one knew it was easier to pretend...
Dear Therapist
You give me support, insight and resources. You give me the courage to keep on trying...
Do I Deserve Love?
The Hidden Children
For those whose early years were filled with physical or emotional abuse, neglect or abandonment, love will not feel natural or deserved. For these “hidden children,” as normal as they may seem on the outside, part of them lives in the dark, afraid to emerge...
Dear G-d, Why Me?
I stopped crying, took a deep breath and leaned back. "I'm angry G‑d. I'm angry at You. There, I said it." It all came rushing out at once. "I'm angry for these past two years. I'm angry that You weren't there when I needed You the most. I'm angry because I feel like You've forgotten. I'm angry because sometimes it seems like You just don't care and I'm stumbling through this alone. I'm angry because I want to know: what did I do to deserve this?
A Stranger in a Strange Land
Overcoming Spousal Abuse
I walked unsteadily into the battered women's shelter with my baby in my arms...
An Alcoholic Mother
It is difficult to feel loved, or believe the sentence "I love you" when it's heard from someone who may not be lucid, or will not be lucid in an hour or two...
Escaping Captivity
The End of an Abusive Marriage
The violence was initially physical, but being an ex anti-terrorist soldier, he was careful not to let anything show...yet the psychological was far harder, both to deal with and to prove...
Strangers We Call Family
Dealing With the Horrors of Sexual Abuse
Yes, maybe he IS a nice guy, a kind father, or the all-too-familiar attempt at justification “he was abused himself” - but this is not an answer and in no way changes the situation. The facts remain that he is an abuser.
A Marriage of Pain
The Tragedy of Spousal Abuse
My daughter asks difficult questions about why we divorced and if I hate her father. For now I lie, but it is only a matter of time until she learns the truth about our marriage.
Color My Leaves Green
Everything was quiet at last. The night before, the police had taken away my violent husband, who, in an alcoholic rage, had tried to end my life...
When Your Home Isn't Your Haven
Imagine being stuck deep inside a long dark tunnel for many years. You appeal to numerous people on the outside for help but for some reason they are unable to...
Human or Beast?
The Torah's views and safeguards against sexual abuse
To many, these laws appear extreme, over-reactive and unnecessary. A little 1st-grader can't hug her daddy's best friend? Two adult co-workers of the opposite sex can’t work alone in the office to finish an important project?
The Upside Down Room
Healing from Sexual Abuse
I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I consider myself one of the lucky ones, as my abuser did not live in my home...
Responding to Child Predators in the Jewish Community
About 90 percent of child sexual abuse is committed by someone who has painstakingly built up a relationship of trust with the children, often someone within their community, school or camp.
Emotionally Abusive Mother
I have had a difficult relationship with my mother my entire life. While I was never physically abused, I definitely suffered severe emotional abuse. Still today when I am around her I revert to being a hurt child and don't feel I can protect myself. Should I cut off the relationship or somehow pretend to ignore what bothers me?
Overcoming a Painful Childhood
Keeping the connection is what helped me overcome and recover from a tragic childhood that was filled with misery, pain and constant struggle. Thank you G‑d for helping me overcome this challenge: the dreadful storms of childhood neglect and abandonment...
My Teacher, the Abuser
It is so easy to want to throw out anything that was ever associated with him. To burn it and leave nothing left. But I can’t. You see, so much of who I am is because of him...
Daily Reminders for Survivors of Abuse
There is a part of each of us which is not touched by anything that happens to us. The deepest part of your soul is your essence. No matter whether you were sexually violated, ridiculed, beaten, neglected, abandoned or emotionally abused, the deepest part of you remains pure, holy and healthy. You just need to remember it is there . . .
Three Types of Parenting
The explosive, the kind and the cold
Children are exquisitely attuned to body language. They see clearly that a parent’s face lights up with love around certain people, and tightens with hostility or anxiety around others. Research has shown that love, or the lack of it, shapes the brain and produces certain chemicals which cause children to want to bond to others, or to fear people and seek distance...
Shame and Emotional Turmoil
Feel blessed if you are shame-bound rather than shameless! For you, the outlook is positive. Getting rid of excess shame is a like losing weight—it takes awareness and discipline. Go slowly, as this is a difficult “addiction,” probably the mother of all addictions . . .
Elevat-er Ride
Clouded by emotional fog, I failed to correlate the references to abused women and myself. But one thing was clear: G-d had sent a messenger to unlock my cage.
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