Moving Again?!

Again? We have to move again? Four times in six years. When I first heard the news, part of me was in shock. “I can’t believe this is happening to us again! I thought for sure we wouldn’t be forced to move this time.” The other part of me was calm. “Been there, done that. Did it before, we can do it again. Every time G‑d has been so good to us, and it’s always for our best.”

Six weeks later. We are still looking for an apartment to rent, for a place to call home. It is difficult to find something at this time of year, and whatever is out there is too expensive for our budget.

Every time I go to the supermarket and I have enough to buy food, I breathe a sigh of reliefAt night I toss and I turn. A home, how I would love to buy us our own home. But you need money to buy a home. Money, there’s no money. Every time I go to the supermarket and I have enough to buy food, I breathe a sigh of relief. “Thank you, dear G‑d.” I hold my breath as I pay the electricity bill. “Thank you, dear G‑d, we just managed to cover it.” Wouldn’t it be wonderful if someone could help us out? If anyone who could would just help us out. But no one is helping us out. Wait, did I just say no one?

I’ll never forget the sweetness of being completely and totally needed by my babies. Each one I nursed until two, and I never gave them a bottle. For the first six months they ate only my milk. For at least six months, when they were hungry all they wanted was me. They didn’t look to anyone else for food. When they were hungry, they let me know. They cried, they screamed, they pulled at me. My milk was abundant, and I was only too happy to comply with their request. We had a connection so strong, it’s beyond words. I miss it.

For forty years the nation of Israel wondered in the midbar (desert). They had no permanent home. As they wandered, G‑d sent down manna, a special type of bread, from the Heavens. Each day every Jew received a portion of manna. The portion allocated was exactly the amount that was needed to satisfy him for that day. No manna was wasted or allowed to be left over. No one was hungry. Every single day the Jewish people felt a direct connection to G‑d, and relied only upon Him for their sustenance. He never let them down. Imagine the amount of faith they had—to have only for today and never to be allowed to save for tomorrow. To know, to internalize that if G‑d gave me today, He can give me tomorrow. Imagine being so close and so dependent on G‑d.

Imagine.

I need to rest assured that if He gives me today, He will give me what I need tomorrowDo I need to imagine? Aren’t I living it now? “Salomon,” I excitedly told my husband. “We are living in the generation of the Midbar!” Uncertainty, a global depression—it certainly feels like an economic desert. But, do we have a roof over our head today? Yes. Then, G‑d can make it so that we will have a roof over our head tomorrow. Did we find an apartment last time we had to move? Yes. So then, G‑d will find us an apartment to move into this time as well.

But I have to ask Him for it. I have to call out, and cry, and tell Him, “I need this. I want to nurse, I’m hungry!” Before I open the classified ads or call an agency, I need to say a short prayer or a psalm, not afterwards. Before I look to everyone and everything else, I need to turn to Him. “G‑d, let me be to you like a suckling child at the side of his mother (Psalm 131:2) who desires nothing more than what his mother has provided him, and rests secure that she will continue to provide his needs.” I need to rest assured that if He gives me today, He will give me what I need tomorrow. Like the generation of the Midbar, G‑d is telling us, “You are closer to Me now than ever before . . .”