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What I Need From You, Dad
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Hi dad, it's me, your baby girl
When I came into your life I had hopes and dreams
I hoped for happiness, acceptance and understanding
I hoped for peace, warmth and stability
I hoped you would hold my hand as I grew up
I hoped you would be there when the sun set for me and the light behind the clouds seemed forever lost
I dreamt you would be my hero, my knight in shining armor,
I dreamt you would be my friend, my confidant my mentor,
I dreamt you would be my teacher, my guide and light of my life,
I dreamt you would lovingly showing me how to mature into an adult
I dreamt you would accept me through my most rebellious days
I needed you to teach me how to stand on my own
I needed you to teach me to own that space in the world that's solely mine
I needed you to teach me to live up to my responsibilities
I needed you to teach me appropriate speech and behavior
I needed you to teach me how to stand up for myself
I needed you to teach me boundaries and how to protect myself
I needed you to teach me right from wrong.
I needed you to be there when my life fell apart
I needed your support and understanding through my darkest days and nights
I needed your comfort and love when I fell into the abyss
I needed your tenderness and understanding when there was none
I needed you to save me from my darkest demons and scariest monsters
I needed your encouragement, your praise, your recognition, your honesty and security
I needed you to believe in me and my potential
But most of all, I needed to you to show me that I matter to you
Not because of what I do or what I wear or what I think or my friends, my music, my marks in school or my choices
I needed to know that I matter to you but because I'm you're little girl
I now know that you couldn't be that person for me,
I know you had a hard life, your mom passed when you were eleven,
You were abused by your step-mom and left home at thirteen,
I know you struggled to just catch your breathe
I know you struggled not to succumb to the darkness, the loneliness, the solitude and the silence
I now understand that you craved the happiness, acceptance, peace and stability just as badly as I hoped for it.
Dad, now that I am an adult, that little girl inside of me still needs you to be my hero,
But, how can I explain to you how it hurts when you now reach back to me now without acknowledging the pain, the hurt and void you gave me?
How can I show you that without accountability, there can be no healing?
How can I show you that our relationship mirrors that of the men in my life?
How can I show you that as much as I love you and as much as I would to let you in
I still need to be unconditionally loved, accepted, praised, encouraged and supported
I still need my boundaries to be considered and respected
Dad, I do understand your struggles and now,
I wish for you the healing, hope and clarity that I found,
I wish you for the strength to withstand the tests we face in life,
I wish the peace you so desperately crave and the love that's gone missing for so many years.
I love you dad.
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Latest Comments:
i realy need your dad...plz allah forgetting my father's mistaks...ammen
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Beautifully and honestly expressed.....acknowledging your dad's challenges and what he missed out on, as much as what you yearn for.....we do the best with what we have and hopefully each generation gains more and more insights, for themselves and for their children. Wishing you continued healing & peace.....to you and to your dad in heaven.
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This was a surprisingly poor offering from Melissa Elyon, in stark contrast to the informative and, at times, touching articles I normally receive. We are not all dysfunctional parents and we dont all have baggage that prevents us from being a good dad. I love my girls and I do everything I can to make their lives supported and wholesome.
I don't expect to sail through life without making some mistakes along the way, but I equally would be horrified that my daughter would one day conceive a letter that "forgives me" because my own life was so twisted and broken that I did not, or could not, make enough of an effort to be a good parent to my children when I grew up - that I was somehow so damaged and traumatised that I became numb to their needs and wrapped up in a life of self-pity, only barely functioning as a human and failing as a parent.
It is of greater benefit to readers to focus on the joys of parenting rather than the guilt that will be thrust from the pens of our daughters.
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thank you! I would have sent this to my dad if I had found it before he passed. Not that it would necessarily have changed things, but at least it would be a good expression of how I feel too. But it is ok. Now he is where he can be REALLY taught. All one can do is try to make things different for the children and grandchildren we have. Some people are simply too wounded to be what we need them to be!
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Melissa,
How this poem "appeared" to me now at this time is beyond miraculous.
Your words resonate with me in a profound way, and I am just realising that healing is a continuous process throughout life, and often comes up in unexpected ways, but that we are blessed with the ability to heal with hard work and G-d's help. I identify strongly with your feelings, but I could have never expressed them as you have, and I thank you from deep within for writing this poem and sharing it and in so doing helping me with my own journey.
May G-d bless you in all ways, may you have abundance of all that you need and pray for, especially love.
Thank you again Melissa, your words of hope and disappointment have gone to my core. I hope you can feel supported by my words, that you continue to heal and that you never feel alone in your journey.
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I wish I could send this to my both of my parents and their spouses. I came across Chabad.org after a horribly failed relationship. Despite the pain, I have daily found wisdom on this site. If I am to heal, I must understand our Creator and accept His love for His creation. Unconditional love that we must not spurn. To foster our relationship with Him through prayer and worship renews Creation. My father did teach me this much, at least, but Chabad helps me understand better. Our pain goes back to Adam, but as the Daily Dose reminds: "...if you wish to know your central purpose in life, you need only look at where your greatest challenges are." Now forced to rely on their charity, my parents are more abusive to me.
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This poem mirrors much of my experience of my father who died 16 years ago. Although he was often not who I hoped he would be, he provided well for his family and encouraged us all to excel. I keep hoping to have warmer memories of him, but I am learning to accept that he did much better than his role models and I hope that he is happier in the life beyond. Thinking of him reminds me to focus on what is being created today, in this moment and how I can find beauty in who I am now. The child I was still misses the father who might have been, but I know that I have the strength and light within me to move forward instead of focusing on the past.
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This is a love-letter to G-d from every woman on the planet. Thank you for posting this beautiful billet-doux.
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how very sad. especially: "our relationship mirrors that of the men in my life" - childhoods have a way of repeating and repeating, don't they...
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