Lessons from a Homeless Man

Still unemployed after a year and a half, we decided we desperately needed a little bit of fun and relaxation. It had been four years since we had a vacation. Riding in our car on the way home from Maryland, our mini- vacation spot, I am flooded with thoughts and feelings. My seemingly incomprehensible present emotional state comes from one moment in time - mid-morning - while hungrily devouring my overflowing green leafy salad in a mall.

As my patient husband was enjoying his omelet and bagel with cream cheese and lox, I grumpily complained that my sliced mandarin oranges were sour, my dressing was bitter, and the absence of my tuna when I paid an extra dollar for the starring protein left me longing for the more upscale restaurant nearby.

Sitting there staring down at my salad as if it would magically transform into something more edible, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted him. His oversized, worn out pants legs which exposed his far too thin ankles and legs, his neatly buttoned baggy dress shirt and his sad lost look which I glimpsed when he opened his pleading eyes to meet mine for just a flash of a second made my heart fall.

I imagined he was secretly praying that I would walk away leaving the remnants of my salad on our table which he would then snatch up covertly while the other patrons turned away. If he had truly lost it all, clearly there was one thing he still clung to... his dignity.

I had made up my mind we were not leaving until he had food. But what if he was not homeless? Was he a blue-collar worker who stepped into the air-conditioned mall for a cool place to rest after working in the heat in the early hours of the morning? Was he perhaps a disgruntled spouse recovering from an evening of heartfelt pain from a failing marriage?? I quickly glanced at him again to survey his appearance. As he slowly closed his eyes to sleep, it was pretty clear to me that was not so. He wanted a safe place to sleep. Perhaps he had not slept all night standing guard over his make-shift domain. He chose life and each day was a struggle to hold on. Okay, so my imagination was running wild.

But this I knew - I had to find a way to ask if he was hungry.

In my mind, I started to scroll through Torah lessons recently learned. In Judaism we learn that to embarrass someone is like committing murder! I had to be sure that did not happen. As my husband finished saying the prayers for thanking G‑d for the food he just ate, I shuffled through my purse for a pen and paper. I hastily scribbled a note on the one scrap of purple post- it I could find that held the short list of jobs I applied for in the past week. Grateful for this rare find deep down among my wallet, keys, tissues, phone, battery-operated fan (temperatures were soaring that high!!), and other miscellaneous paraphernalia in my purse, I hurriedly wrote about my current dilemma. I handed it to my husband. He read my note, looked up at me, smiled, casually stood up and inconspicuously turned to glance at the cold wooden bench holding the tall, thin man sitting with his head bowed down, eyes closed. He whispered "let's talk outside."

Outside in the hundred degree heat, I unfolded my neat little plan. I would politely walk up to the frail man and quietly say, "Excuse me sir, I do not mean to be rude but... are you hungry?" My husband quickly kyboshed my perfect blueprint of a plan explaining "if the man is not homeless, what you have succeeded in doing - albeit unintentionally - is to embarrass him. He will think I must look horrid if she thinks I am homeless." Okay, back to square one. We decided we needed to find someone who might know who this man is and if he "comes here often." We entered the restaurant next door and found our friendly waiter who we knew from prior visits. My husband gently nodded to him to please step to the corner and hear him out.

What we found out made my heart sink. This man had been coming there for many years. Always sitting in the same place for most of the day. Always hungry. Always needing. Always maintaining his dignity never asking for anything or saying a word to any patrons. He just comes and closes his eyes in the coolness of the mall and. well, takes mini naps. Maybe he is coming there to think, to pray, just to rest. We also found out that from time to time throughout the years this restaurant would bring this man soup. Although he looked quite frail, he was somehow sustaining himself somehow. We did not know his entire story, but I am sure there was one. Perhaps we should have tried to find out more but one thing was for sure... this man was there at the very seat across from mine, his eyes meeting mine - touching my soul, that very morning when we almost went somewhere else if not for a last-minute decision to change breakfast plans.

We arranged with our kind waiter to bring him a meal and when it was delivered by him with us out of sight, I picked up my hot potato knish in a white paper bag waiting to be devoured by still hungry me, and turned to leave. As we got to our car I could not help but feel indescribably overwhelmed with emotions and I needed time to process and sort out everything I just experienced.

I stopped and thanked G‑d for my green leafy salad. I thanked Him for my mini-vacation. I thanked Him for my sweet husband, our car, the kind waiter, my home, my life, and practically anything else I could come up with at that moment. Then it occurred to me. How grateful I am for receiving the Torah. Torah which teaches us not to embarrass someone. Torah teaches us to care. Torah which teaches us to love. Torah which teaches us to give. I also began thinking of the prayers we say after a meal and all the structured blessings we as Jews have in our lives. Before we do most anything, we stop and thank G‑d for all the unbelievable endless array of gifts He gives us every day no matter who we are, where we live, or how much money we have.

We thank our Creator for the food we eat before it even touches our lips. And we thank Him after we have eaten. I used to think how boring it was to repeat structured prayer again and again, the same old same old. But this lesson that G‑d gave me the privilege to experience today left me with more of a grateful spirit than I have ever had... and how sorry I am for the times I must have sounded so unappreciative. I did nothing to deserve all the gifts in my life for they are truly immeasurable. But this morning, I realized what it is to be truly grateful.