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Visualizing Our Reality

Visualizing Our Reality

Praying for Another Pregnancy

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Thirty-six degrees Celsius. Another morning I take my temperature. It's the same, thirty-six degrees Celsius. Day after day, morning after morning. It stays the same. I can't tell you how much I want it to change. To go up. A rise in temperature would be a sign that I ovulated which would mean that maybe, just maybe I could be pregnant again. But the temperature stays the same.

Thirty-six degrees Celsius.

I go through phases. Some months go by and I don't bother taking my temperature. It's almost a relief, to wake up and not know what the thermometer would say. I've tried hormones, I've performed treatments. I take herbs and try different alternative medicines. I know that something has to work. Some things do appear to help, some things don't.

Some days I feel like giving up, and you know what, on some days, that's okay. I am so very grateful. After many trials and tribulations, I am so fortunate to have two healthy children. And I feel blessed every second of my life. Yet some days I get hopeful that maybe I will be blessed with more. So I take out my trusty thermometer. It tells me the truth, it won't betray me.

Again the thermometer reads: thirty-six degrees Celsius.

I can't remember who told me, but I once heard that if I wanted to become pregnant then I would have to visualize it happening. I close my eyes, I meditate. I imagine my belly becoming round, my body full and feminine. I try to feel the kicks as my baby moves within me. I pray so hard for this dream to become true. "If nothing else, know Elana that it can happen.

In the past there were two times that I took my temperature and it didn't say thirty-six, but 37.7 degrees Celsius. One rise in temperature was my son, the other my daughter.

People ask me, "What helped? What did it?" Was it the treatments? The herbs? The acupuncture? "Everything" I answer. It was everything and nothing. Each action was another drop of water needed to fill the cup. Without a single one of those drops the cup wouldn't be full.

I sing with my children a beautiful song of hope. A song that Jews have been singing for centuries, "I believe, I believe with perfect faith in the coming of Mashiach. And even though he may tarry, I still will wait for him each day to arrive. I believe!"

There was once a king of Aram who sent warriors to a certain location to ambush the Israelites. Elisha the Prophet warned the king of Israel not to pass by that place. The king avoided that area and was saved. This happened many times. The king of Aram was furious and wanted to know who the spy was, who was revealing all his military secrets to the king of Israel. His advisors explained that it wasn't a spy, but Elisha the Prophet who through prophecy knew what was going on. The king of Aram then wanted to capture Elisha. He found out Elisha's whereabouts and at night surrounded the town with a large brigade.

Elisha's attendant woke up the next morning shocked to discover that they were in grave danger. "Alas my master, what shall we do?" He asked in panic. Elisha told him, "Do not fear, for those on our side are more numerous than they are," (II King 6:16). G‑d opened up the attendant's eyes and he saw the brigade of Aram surrounded by an army of angels standing on the hills with chariots and horses capable of destroying the enemy. Aram attacked and Elisha prayed that they should be struck by blindness. They were and he escaped.

A great rabbi, Rabbi Chaim Shmuelevitz, asked, "Why did G‑d send the army of angels if in the end they didn't do anything and played no role in the miracle?" He answered that from here we learn a very important lesson. As long as Elisha's attendant was afraid, no miracle could take place. Faith was lacking. He couldn't imagine any way out and his fear paralyzed the forces of Divine deliverance.

The first thing that Elisha had to do was calm his attendant and show him the truth: G‑d was protecting them! When G‑d saw that the assistant trusted in Him and no longer feared Aram's warriors He could then act on his behalf and save him.

"I believe, I believe with perfect faith in the coming of Mashiach. And even though he may tarry, I still will wait for him each day to arrive. I believe!"

I walk to the Kotel otherwise known as the Wailing or Western Wall. It is the only physical remnant that we have of one of the exterior walls of the Holy Temple. I see stones. There is no building, no glory. I close my eyes and visualize. I imagine the Holy Temple rebuilt, standing tall and majestic. I see an end to all suffering, a gathering of all Jews, and a time of peace and rejoicing. I light Shabbat candles, I visit the sick. I take care not to spread gossip or slander. I fill the cup with drops of water. I take my temperature…One day it will be 37.7 degrees Celsius again. I believe!

Originally from northern California and a Stanford University graduate, Elana Mizrahi now lives in Jerusalem with her husband and children. She is a doula, massage therapist, writer, and author of Dancing Through Life, a book for Jewish women. She also teaches Jewish marriage classes for brides.
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Grace Maloisi November 1, 2013

Thank you I am so glad to read your article. I am feeling much better now. You are really an inspiration to Jewish women, which i am one of them.

Thank you Reply

Anonymous Hville December 25, 2010

You are blessed You are blessed to have two children. I'm still waiting on the first one to arrive. We have been waiting for a whole year. I'm starting to get sad about this but your message has helped. Thank you! Reply

robyn kissimmee, fl July 16, 2010

visualizing reality you have a gift, you are blessed. your words are your children, inspiring others. Reply

Anonymous Miami July 15, 2010

Amen! I'm sure Hashem will help... just make sure to look at the angels and not be scared... and remember: There's always a time for everything. Hopefully it will come very soon! Reply

Anonymous phila, pa July 13, 2010

amen amen may u have many many kids in the ways of torah. healthy beautiful children. Reply

Anonymous July 13, 2010

More It's so refreshing to read an article depicting a desire for more children. Sometimes it seems that children are unfortunately labeled as a barrier between a person and their career or any other achievement.

More than any 'achievement' bringing life into the world and guiding them with love is really the ultimate. The first Mitzvah in the Torah is Pru Urevu (to be fruitful and multiply) after all. If our parents didn't have us, what would be then? Reply

Sheila Krystal, Ph.D. Berkeley, CA July 12, 2010

Elana Mizrahi: Visualizing Our Reality Elana is an inspired, a truly G-d-inspired writer, whatever she is writing about. I have been following her for years and love reading her words and feeling her loving, healing touch. This article is a perfect example! And I challenge Elana and us all to do a short experiment: relax and stop taking the temperature in order to see what it would be like to let go deeply of desire and surrender completely to G-d's will and be surprised. What would happen? Reply

Aliza Shomreya, IL July 11, 2010

Couldn't have been better put! Elana, thank you for writting this peice. Please continue writting. You are completely right to compare the waiting for conception with the waiting for the coming of Mashiach. Hashem is the ultimate teacher...He just wants us to believe in him. Reply

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