The Need for Clarity

Dear G-d,

It’s been a long time since I’ve spoken to You in earnest. Sometimes I can forget for weeks at a time that You’re here altogether. I guess that’s because I forget how much You mean to me.

It’s almost ironic that the only entity that will always be constant, faithful, present, devoted, listening, giving and just plain uncomplicated in my life, is also most ignored, downtrodden, and overlooked. How is this fair- well, it certainly is not, but reality works in strange ways.

Reality. ‘Reality’ is a concept abhorrent in Your eyes. Before You, there is no reality, no existence, no past, present, or future. You are everything and everything is You.

But reality dominates my life- it is my life. And that’s what I want You, beseech of You, to understand. The eyes and ears and mouth and limbs that You implanted within me are never dull, like a windmill that never ceases to turn round and round at the whim of the wind. They absorb the kaleidoscope of people, places, words, emotions and events that whiz by at a dizzying speed. These basic organs swallow and devour the rush of Everything and Everywhere that is shoved in their path. The blood then pumps all that has been ingested slowly, deliberately, incessantly, through the heaven and earth that resides within me- the heart and the mind.

It will come as no surprise to You, the Creator of all complexities, incongruities and inexplicabilities, that in the midst of this vast and intricate maze, the tiny fragments of incoming traffic are digested whole. They are fractured, embellished, overemphasized, or stifled, so imperceptibly that the heart cannot sense, and the mind cannot perceive, what has and is at every moment occurring.

I’m not excusing my behavior, nor am I attempting to declare myself guilt free in the face of my interminable blindness to You and Your presence. Rather, I am desperately trying to grab at the tiny vestiges of internalized external impact that still remains intact, whole and unblemished within me.

I call You to understand this struggle, to appreciate the battle inside me, in which the soldiers have forgotten their cause and have abandoned their side.

And I beg You, as G-d of the universe who sees all, knows all, and constantly recreates all, to help make stark what is black, erode what is grey, and break open the shell nestling what is yet pure, untouched, and white.

Please G-d, for my sake and Yours, help forge within me a clear and lucid pathway between the heart and the mind, so that I may forget You no more.