The Gift in the Insanity

4:18 AM— Sleepless. Again. And of course tonight is the night I am the most tired. Oh just relax and try and think of something tranquil. Oh 10,9,8….did I pack my purple skirt? …. 7,6,5,4 …. where are my candles? 3,2,1….lights in my mind are going out now!

6:02— Oh how I want to take this alarm clock and chuck it out the window. Wouldn't do much. I'm on the ground floor. Okay, getting up. I grab my cheetah-print bathrobe that I got 50% off and step into the bathroom for a hopefully energizing shower. I let the hard water hit between my shoulder-blades for about 5 minutes before I step out.

7:35— Showered, dressed, toasting a garlic-bagel and pouring a cup of coffee. I need to get going, it's going to be a long and hurried day. Noa will be expecting me at 3 o'clock and I need to stop at work for a few hours, pick up some wine, and then head upstate to Noa's. Always rushing, always rushing. I hope I make it and won't have to walk to her house when night falls. Did I pack my Advil?

10:09— Deadlines. Broken copy machines. I hear my name being shouted from Mark's office and Suzanna's. I run around like a chicken with its head cut off and assist everyone who is supposed to be assisting me. Press send for the e-mail. Call back the restaurant. Renew the parking passes. Text back carpenter, make presentation, create, move, shake, go, faster, run, get it done. No time, need rest, soon. Might crash.

Head is spinning and I know I'm almost there Noon— Everybody's taking lunch. Not me because I'm leaving early. Write report, send to company. Throw some grapes into my mouth to get me through the day. Up. Down. Round and Round. Head is spinning and I know I'm almost there.

1:30— I'm in the supermarket and pick up a white-zinfandel. Stand on a ridiculously long line and pay the droopy cashier. I smile at him for I know that once his shift ends his droopiness will disappear and his color will reappear and off to the party he will go. I hop in my car and finally get on the Thruway. Upstate, here I come!

2:18— TRAFFIC. Nervous now. Tapping my thumbs on my steering wheel and feeling my patience slip off me like a scarf. I'm going to have to walk, I just know it.

3:24— I'm late! Will I make it? I call Noa and let her know where I am. Relax, she tells me, you'll make it. I begin to think about my already full day and feel the tears swell up in my eyes. I'm not going to make it. I just know it. Now I start to cry. I didn't get my work done on time. I'm tired and lazy and should have stayed up all last night to finish my work so I wouldn't be rushing now.

4:00— I'm here! I park outside Noa's house and run in. I step into the shower for the second time that day. My hair gets brushed and left down with no product in my hair—from now till tomorrow night I'm going to be me. Natural. Organic.

4:18 PM— A flick of the match catches the attention of all in the room. I light my candle. I bless and breathe and pray. I now have my gift. Shabbat.