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Two Little Miracles

Two Little Miracles

My High-Risk Pregnancy with Twins


21 February

Dear Child,

Today for the third time in my life, I saw that magical pink line, that little line that will change my life forever. I'm pregnant. Again. Today is a special day. Today I ask G‑d that you be my first, that you be my child. That you will be born. Today I pray that all the pain we experienced within the course of the years transforms into joy. Today I stand humbled by the goodness of my Creator and thank Him from the depths of my heart for letting us cross the land of barrenness. Thank you, G‑d.

4 March 6:35 am

Dear Child,

It is very, very dark outside. I don't even have words to say. I woke up and kept on thinking - it's so dark. I wish it would be morning already which is how I feel in my real life. I am tired of being in the dark. I want the sun to rise. I want to have a child. Why does it feel so, so far away? Why does every pregnancy have to end in a miscarriage? Why? Dear G‑d - tell me WHY? It hurts so much.

You see, last night, I decided - I am going to put all my doubts away. I decided I owe G‑d a big apology letter - He's been so good, and I've been doubting His capacity.

And then I thought about the child inside of me and felt like I was denying it a maternal connection. So last night I decided to start loving the little life inside of me. And I did. Maybe that's all it needed? I don't know. Maybe there's still a chance? Maybe everything will be okay? Maybe a miracle will happen? I hope so.

Dear Child,

I've begged my others to stay with me. I've asked them to be strong. And today I'll ask you the same. I know that there might be some turbulence in my body, I don't know what's going on, and it may be hard for you to stay, to hold on. It may be easier for you to just relinquish the fight and let go and be free. But you are different than my others – you were meant to be a healthy child and are destined to be born. So hold on tight, little one. Keep that heart beating. Don't let go, no matter what. I plan on seeing you in the ultrasound tomorrow, with G‑d's help. You have good things waiting for you in this world. We'll be good parents. We will love you a lot. A lot.

Dear Children!!!!

Wow! How unbelievable is the goodness of our Creator - He will be blessing us twice!! We are not just having one child, we are having children!! What a beautiful thing! What a happy day! We are having children!!

Today started out a bit on the nervous side, going for the ultrasound to see what's going on inside of me. I was quite scared. That ultrasound machine has not always bid me the best of news..."Oh, you're pregnant, are you sure? Did you take a lab test - because I don't see anything..." and then again..."Oh, I'm sorry. I don't see a heart beat. It looks like a miscarriage..." So I think you can understand.

Today things were different. As soon as Dr. Morgan looked on the screen, she said, "Wow! This is beautiful!" and then she said, "I need to see what's supporting this...let's name this sac A..." and then something about. "they" and I saw the biggest, nicest smile on her face and her eyes lit up - and then she had us look - and we met you lil' guys today!! Welcome sac A and sac B - may you grow to be children! I am so happy! I can't wait to see you grow together. I know there's a lot of work cut out for me but I am so happy for both of you that you will have each other. We live in the middle of nowhere, not many children around, so I am so happy that you will have each other to play with! I am sure it is a beautiful thing to be a twin! Thank you Hashem! Thank You for Your double consolation; You gave two, You took two, and now You are giving us two to keep. Thank You.

And thank You for giving us modern technology and medicine and such a good doctor. She was a wonderful messenger.

10 March 3:30 pm

Dear Children,

Last night it all seemed over. The bleeding was abnormal; hemorrhaging, passing clots - no one thought there was a possibility of pregnancy. The triage nurse said - I've seen a lot as an obstetrical nurse and I wouldn't put a dime on it that you're still pregnant.

Your father, he was the one who had the most belief - and he told her that doctors were given permission to diagnose - not to say who will live and who will die.

I begged G‑d, that if I had ever done anything good in my life - let it be for you, and for us, that you survive this turbulence and live, and we get the miracle of children. I told G‑d that maybe I don't deserve it, but begged for a miracle because we want you so badly. I apologized for sometimes being scared and not having so much faith.

I was having such a difficult time in the beginning of the pregnancy, I guess from all the trauma of last one, and I asked G‑d - "If it's going to end, please do it right away. Please don't drag things out." - I should have prayed: "If You want to end it, please change Your mind."

We finally got a room at four in the morning, after a lot of crying and heartbreak. After a certain point, I didn't think it was possible at all for things to look up. Then the doctor checked my cervix, and it was closed - the first good sign. I told your father not to get his hopes up, that we have to be realistic. Then the hormone levels dropped to 30,000. But we were hopeful. We googled "subchrionic hemorrhaging" and thought it was a good possibility.

Anyway, the sonographer and I already know each other and she let your father into the room, even though it was against hospital policy. It was a big relief because he would see what was going on the screen and then he'd signal it to me. I told the radiologist: don't tell me anything if it's bad.

And then she started to work. I was so scared. Then I saw your father's face light up with a smile and I got the thumbs up - a heartbeat! And then I had to wait until they found the other one of you and then: another most beautiful smile - and another heartbeat! Miracle children! (Troublemakers...) So you both are very much alive and kicking, and I do have subchrionic hemorrhaging, so I might quit my job and go into hibernation while you lil' ones keep on growing. We're still quite high risk, but hey – we've come this far. We can do it. And Hashem, our G‑d, is going to help us all.

9 April

Dear Children,

It's your mommy again, coming to say hello. Things are getting more and more exciting as we are almost finishing the first trimester. You'll be eleven weeks tomorrow! You're both little people now! I can't wait to see you! I hope you're doing well down there!

I've been on bedrest and it sure has not been easy, especially because I like to work. And I don't like depending on other people. It makes me feel guilty. And I get scared that I am going to be a burden. But I know this is what I have to do to be a good mommy.

You see, motherhood starts the second you're conceived.. We care for your precious souls from the start- just like I'm careful with what I eat, drink, and breathe in - I'm careful with what I see and hear. It's nice to be able to feel like I'm doing something for you already.

I want to tell you both that you are very special children, and are a product of lots of prayer, crying, hoping, and demanding. I very strongly feel that you also are a product of the Rebbe's blessings and of our work on behalf of the Jewish community.

It was the day before Rosh Hashanah, just seven months ago, and your father and I went to pray by the side of the Lubavitcher Rebbe's grave, hoping that in his merit G‑d would answer our prayers.. It was one of the first times going to his grave after our past loss and, of course, I was going to pray for children.

All the pain and longing and fears just crashed forth from my heart. I tried to hold it back, but I couldn't - and I just cried and cried. And cried. And cried even more. I wanted to know that I would have children, and I didn't want to wait anymore. I didn't want to have any more miscarriages or go through any more procedures. I just wanted to be a mother already.

When you want something really badly - really, really badly - no one likes to wait. When you are longing for something so strongly, an hour can seem like eternity. The days, weeks, the months - it's all time slipping through an hourglass -and you just want to say: Hey, stop a second. Please give us what we so badly want. You have the capacity to do that - so easy for You, so hard for us - and it's right there in Your hands. It' almost a tease.

And then we received the most wonderful news that I was pregnant.

So, whenever I get scared, because I have a lot of complications in this pregnancy, and I am high risk, and have some pain sometimes that really hurts (just for a little bit) - I think about that day we found out the most amazing news that we would be having you. Everything is going to be okay. You two are already little miracles. So please just keep strong and I'll keep praying.

Good night

Love, Mommy.

We had our two beautiful miracles, Shaina Mussia and Chava Gittel, who were born on Rosh Hashanah in 2008.

Two Little Candles

Two little candles
Dancing little flames
Two sparks of light
Waiting for the day
Snowflakes twirling
Hopes are burning
Little sparks, little souls
Like shining candles
All aglow
Ignited from Above
Gift of love
Miracle lights
Radiate dark nights
Days of joy and song
Waiting for so long
Despite odds low
Candles will glow
Little wicks alight
Shining hopes bright

Two little candles
Dwindling little flames
Trying to dance
Amidst the pain
Two little candles
Yearning to be three
Wishing to start a family
Two little sparks
Ignited with hope
Despite the cold
Two burning wicks
Stubborn and strong
Will keep on burning
No matter how long.
Four little candles
Four dancing little flames
Shining little candles
Dispelling the pain
Four little candles
Miraculous sparks
Four little lights warming my heart
Four beautiful candles created for me
Thank you, G‑d, for my family

Mina Richler co-directs the Chabad Center of Gloucester County, New Jersey, with her husband.
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Anonymous New York January 28, 2015

Thank you! Your article is so moving!! It teaches me that I must appreciate the fact that I am pregnant for the second time, so close to the birth of my first baby even though it's so easy to complain about how I constantly feel nauseous and tired without focusing on the fact that this is a brocha and will soon be a healthy child iyh!
Thank you for the reminder! Reply

Chana Tulsa June 22, 2014

Thank you all. Cannot read these dry-eyed.

After trying in vain for a long time, Yom Kippur came and we were all standing and the ark was open and I was weeping and praying to conceive. And did conceive, about ten days later. I knew it right away. And that baby is now married and has two of his own. But both my pregnancies after that, failed. I still grieve for those ones. I had wanted my little one to have a sibling, but he has none. But Baruch haShem for the wonderful little one that I did have.

Gd bless all of you. Reply

Anonymous Slovakia June 22, 2014

Thanks a lot for sharing this story, we waited for our daughter for 20 years, I wish we could receive a blessing for another one so our little girl won't grow alone. Reply

Leah Rosenstein Detroit November 26, 2012

more nachas from our miracle I see that I commented almost 3 years ago when our miracle surviving twin was in Berlin, Germany. Boruch Hashem, our miracle baby recently got married. The Lubavitcher Rebbe had blessed him with a complete recovery when he was born and at the time, it looked like a miracle would have to occur for that to happen. Our son also recently got smicha. Reply

Gary Shatz November 26, 2012

i know these two little joyful sprites 4 years on, these pretty little girls are delight to our whole congregation. What a treat to have our rabbi and rebbitzen share their 4 (baruch hashem) miralces Reply

dan goldfarb miami/buenos aires, FL July 3, 2012

Daddy of twins Love this letters. I cry a lot reading it. I am also a Tati of twins (girl and boy), and our story is similar. Reply

Miriam Hertzel September 12, 2010

Wow! I'm literally in tears, after reading your heartfelt article. You shared such a personal, painful experience in such a beautiful way! Please give all your babies a kiss for me please! Reply

Mark Weiss NY, NY July 10, 2010

Or Oved-Weiss Sawyer Oriyah Weiss One child! A man. My son Or, Sgt FC Or Oved-Weiss of Sayeret Duvdevan died accidentally in June 2006.

His brother! Sawyer Oriyah Weiss was born July 2007. Sawyer was conceived in 1998, frozen unbeknownst to us, thawed gently, then carried by a surrogate.

The probabilities were infinitesimally small. Hashem natan. Hashem lakach. Hashem natan. Yehi shem Hashem mevorach meata vead olam. (G-d gives, G-d takes, and may His name be blessed forever).

We followed a path defined completely by G-d Almighty. Reply

Anonymous Joannesburg, South Africa January 12, 2010

Amazing! This article touched so much as it is almost identical to my own story. I too suffered some miscarriages in my desperate plight to have a baby. After much heartache I suddenly discovered I was pregnant. At my first ultra sound I was shaking with fear, saying desperate words of Tehillim begging Hashem to let this baby be okay, and waiting what felt like years to hear a heartbeat. And then the unthinkable happened! The doctor found not one but two healthy hearbeats. I also had some bleeding during the pregnancy, but Baruch Hashem (Thank G-d) on ROSH HASHONA 2006! My two brochas, blessings, Avraham Leib and Batsheva Shayna are my two candles, burning bright in the hearts of all who encounter them, and especially in mine and my husbands'!
Hashem, in His abundant kindness, has since blessed us with another baby. Our hands and hearts are full! Mazal Tov and only simchas to you and your family. Reply

M January 11, 2010

Beautiful Mina, Thank you so much for sharing this story. It brought tears to my eyes. I cannot imagine the pain of loss that you felt. I had complications with my 2nd and I know how scary bleeding during pregnancy can be.
The girls are so amazingly adorable. Mazel Tov!! Reply

jody January 7, 2010

My Two Little Miracles what a beautiful story for two beautiful little girls...may you ALWAYS know joy and nachas (joy) from them...we do! I feel honored to now you and your precious little girls! May you contine to be blessed by Hashem! Reply

Anonymous London, England January 7, 2010

Did she have kids before these? I read in this article that Mina thought, "Today I pray that all the pain we experienced within the course of the years transforms into joy." Does this mean that she had kids before that, but they passed away?

Anyway, as the others said, "Great article, Mina!" I loved it! Thanks so much! Reply

Leah Rosenstein Detroit, MI January 6, 2010

I had a different kind of miracle After 5 full term babies, I had a set of very pre-term twin boys. One lived less than a day but the other had a blessing for a full recovery from the Rebbe. That recovery was slow in coming but now Thank G-d our son is in Germany, learning and doing shlichus. Reply

Karen G Cohen Saint Petersburg, FL January 5, 2010

Gratefulness I am grateful to you for sharing this tiny bit of your life before children through your story. I have two wonderful adult daughters, after 5 lost babies...

It's amazing how strong we can be. I learned that I am stronger than I ever imagined I'd ever need to be.

Thank you, and may you and your loved ones continue to be bathed in Hashem's Blessings. Reply

Devorah Pinson Edmonton, AB via January 5, 2010

thanks for sharing what a beautiful article Mina! i am sitting here crying. thanks for sharing your experience- so inspiring! May you be blessed with a beautiful, large family, and may you and Avi only have Yiddishe and Chassidishe nachas from your children!
(and- like Nina said- we miss you in Edmonton!) Reply

Anonymous Cluculz Lake, BC/Canada January 5, 2010

Two Little Miracles This was a beautifully written and moving article. What lucky babies! Mazel Tov Reply

Ann in Texas January 4, 2010

Dear Mina, Reading your letters to your babies, I kept crying and crying. Now too. I guess it reminds me of my miscarriage. But you had, what, three miscarriages? How terrible that must have been.

Thank Gd you now have two.

I only managed to have one, but he was such a blessing! Now he has two of his own, and one of them, bless him, looks just like mine when he was a baby.

Gd bless you. Reply

Mina Richler Mullica Hill, NJ January 4, 2010

Thank you all for your beautiful words.

Rivkah Rochel,I don't know how to reach you personally, but wanted to tell you that I will daven (pray) for you and wish you and your husband the joys of healthy children.

I also want to tell you that after my second pregnacy, I had a growth from a partial molar twin which was endangering my health - and at a certain point I had a team comprised of a reproductive endroconologist, reproductive oncologist, and maternal fetal medicine specialist all baffled; one of them even suggesting a hysterectomy as a last resort. It was so frightening to me; I thought I'd never have children! I remember all the gnawing fears, the tears and heartbreak. I can definitely say that Hashem is full of pleasant surprises. He hears your prayers and feels your pain. I wish you much strength on your journey to motherhood. Reply

YH brooklyn, ny January 4, 2010

Dear mina,
This is such a beautiful and inspirational article.You have alot of courage to speak of such intimate feelings.So much pain and so much joy.Many people have benefited from hearing your story. Reply

Nina Bernstein Edmonton, Alberta via January 4, 2010

Dear Mina,

What an amazing story! I am so sorry to hear about your pain, but so happy for your family. We still miss you and your husband in Edmonton. Reply