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Finding the Joy in Childbirth
 | G‑d is not petty. He is not telling Eve that she will be stressed out by the incessant whining and fighting of her children. The curse of raising children is deeper.The curse of Eve is teng ai, pain and love – her mother love. G‑d is telling Eve that she will spend the rest of her days worrying about the fruits of her womb...
19 Comments Posted
As a mother of 2 c/s childen, so far, I did not at all, get the connotation reading your article about delivery of children, only "birth". As a c/s Mother, I did not "birth" my children, I had them delivered. If I re-read your nice article as deliver, whereever you have birth, I am ok. If I read your article as you wrote it, I feel that much more a failure and that much more removed from being able to go against the curse. Your article, as it is written left me in tears. Please, next time, be more sensitive to us who tried and tried to give" birth" but who could not, we could only be "delivered".
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I feel your pain only in so much as I "delivered" 3 dead babies and "birthed" 6 live ones. The pain is in the wording; c/s is still a birth process with pains of its own; 'delivery' is like the mail; cold and unemotional; i do not think the author meant anything "cold" or felt indifferent to the women who give birth assisted by medical science; each of us has the pangs of delivery/birth. Thank G-d you were able to 'birth' 2 children. the pain is in the term not the message. May you see much joy from your 2 neshomot (children's souls).
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According to the Merriam Webster dictionary, birth is defined as follows:
a: the emergence of a new individual from the body of its parent b: the act or process of bringing forth young from the womb
I am so very sorry that you were hurt by the language I used in my article. My words were, obviously, not intended to hurt but to empower. I do not agree, however, that you did not "birth" your babies. Just because your children were "delivered' via c-section, does not mean you did not birth them (so kudos to you!) Furthermore, the idea of joy in birth can surely be applied to any form of child-birth.
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I was an OB nurse for 15 years. One of the gifts of childbith (initially my own) was the discovery of a well of strength. Labor is not easy, it is hard WORK for most. If taken minute by minute and sometimes breath by breath...one finds a depth from which to draw. I remember my own midwife chanting to me ....you can do this/look inside/find the well of strength I know is there. I used this knowledge and experience in coaching my own patients. cont'd
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Post birth many women need to speak of their childbirth experience. My younger mothers and those whom I found in difficult situations, I would remind of how strong they were to endure the pain no matter if medication was used eventually for relief or if birth was completed with surgy. "You have found a depth of strength and no-one can take that away from you.as you travel the path of parenthood" Thank you for allowing me th share this!
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The joy in childbirth is a new one to me too. I always wondered how the curse of eve fits in to the latest news which is the ability to reduce pain in birth by menas of hypnobirthing or ta latest homebirthing sega or natural control. I felt that since we ARE in moshiach times there MUST be a way where we can avert the devasatation of pain and curse and rather reveal the light in that darkness of labor and an ability to control and reduce pain in childbirth and reveal the joy in it instead. The new age back to home birthing or hypnobirthing or any type of natural control and reduction of pain in childbirth is a tool to empower ourselves to go within and reveal that joy and as you mentioned, which I didn';t now was Tikkun Chava. We are in Moshiach times ,lets actively reveal moshiach in our birthing. Among other things, this assertive power to create change is what I wish to thank you for stirring.
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I have had 9 children. The first 6 were no drugs and I was proud to be a WOMAAAAN! Seriously, it was like hiking up a steep hill and I'd laughy-grunt through transition, "The hill is steep but get up it I shall!" The last three, I needed the drugs, "Only an idiot doesn't know when she needs'em." The last two were c-sections.
The most amazing thing for me was that after each birth, I felt the same remarkable way. I wanted more! (Except for after #9. We all have our limits and I claimed that mine was 3.) How the memory of the pain vanished and how I thought I could do it once again baffles me now.
With older kids now, I cringe reading of how we always worry for the fruit of our womb. That is so true, so very true.
I read an article a few weeks ago about how it's been discovered that we carry cells from our babies for decades after they are born. They are truly a part of us.
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Beautiful article. I love R' Ginsburgs whole explanation about being happy in birth.
But I was so surprised to read your bio and see that you were raised in "paradise"!! I am plotzing to know your story!!
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That was a beautiful article Nechama. Thank you for explaining childbirth in such a beautiful way. I look forward to reading more.
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This was so fully written, both life and love-affirming. You embraced everyone. I thought of the baby I lost, yet is still a part of me. I thank G-d I listened to Niggunim (Chassidic melodies) throughout my pregnancy and birth of my daugher. I thought of my friends who do not have children, yet are mothers just the same. I was moved to tears reflecting on my love for my child, and of Hashem's love for us. Good writers make people think. Great writers make people feel. You have a true gift, Nechama...G-d bless.
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What a beautiful, poignant essay. What you write of is so universal it is a must-read for all.
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What a beautiful article, Nechama! I learned a lot while reading it and will keep your inspiring words in mind, as I wait for my newest arrival, G-d Willing!
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You've got to be kidding. I refuse to believe women came from a curse.
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Thank you for such a beautiful and well-written article. You brought out some amazingly poignant thoughts that should have a positive effect on all who read your essay. To Esther- maybe you should reread the article- Nechama never said women "came" from a curse...
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Nechama,
Your words spoke to me of both the profound pain, as well as the many joys, and true blessings, that may accompany a loving mother who sojourns through the unknown journey of parenting. Poignant and inspiring thoughts. Worth reading twice. Writing so beautifully, you must bring profound joy to your mother.
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All your articles on giving birth focus on trying to keep it natural and pain free. However, what about all those women who labour for days and end up in C.Section anyway? What about those for whom C.Section remains the only option available and not by choice? Is their giving birth less worthy?
With my first this is what happened and I felt cheated of doing Pidyon haben and the Brit (the baby was too sick too). With the second the umbilical cord wrapped twice around the neck, and once around the body and also ended in C.Section - so for this 3rd this is what I can expect.
With all the aiming for natural, drug free etc,. I was made to feel like a failure as a woman. I know several Chabadnik friends who have had 4 - 6 C.Sections, so please include an article on this to help other women like me.
Thanks
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I do hope that you can apply some of what I wrote to your own birthing and feel inspired and well as successful.
There is certainly a place for medical intervention within the birthing process - and when a woman finds herself in need of such help she should thank the All-Mighty for the safe birth of her child.
Please take my blessing for a smooth and spiritual journey that will result in the Joyous birth of your baby - may you both live long, healthy, happy lives, walking on the path of the All-Mighty.
* Point taken, however, I will look into your suggestion re. an article about birth w/ medical intervention.
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