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 | Even among "my people" in the Dominican Republic, I am considered rather pale; but in a crowd of Ashkenazi Jews, people tend to see my measly tan as exotic. I only wish I could tell all the gawkers outright that, just two years ago, I was a non-practicing Catholic...
111 Comments Posted
We must stop thinking that there is one way a Jew/ Jewess should look like. We are different based on Geography, and so many different factors. We must embrace diversity in Judaism, not to fear it, or judge those fine differences. Let us be more tolerant and respectful of one another.
A Friend.
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yasher koach Aliza, this is amazing!
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Since the beginning of time people will have something to say, thoughts to think and looks that may make one feel a bit uncomfortable. This isn't going to change. People are "just" human beings hopefully doing the best they can & trying to do better each and everyday.
Me personally - I'm in awe of you for standing up at such a young age for what you believe in. I think your totally cool.
Just so you know I was born Jewish and I'm caucasian. But to this day most people think I look Spanish or Greek. Even my last name isn't a common Jewish name, but I know I am & so does G-d!
Just remember - being different makes you fit in perfectly.
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Dear Aliza,
It sounds as G-d has given you a wonderful gift, the gift of Light. I'm sorry your mother slapped you when you mentioned wanting to be jewish, that sounds like a deep rooted pain not an act of being antisemitic. You might want to check your family geneology. People who are antisemitic dont usually leave their star of David on their night stand. Perhaps you didnt need to steal it after all. It just seemed that way. Your gift of Light is your ability to overcome all of these things and bring Light to them through transformation and love. People probably stare at your hair because it is so unique and if it does bother someone you can bring that to light as well. Light encompasses us all, and yet you can still be you.
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I feel encouraged by your story !!! As I am in the process of converting, I have found that my friends and family have so many different reactions. The reaction that hurts the most comes from some of my Jewish friends . Some of them don't seem so happy and I thought they of all people would be the happiest ! I truly can not be any one else but who I am and I am Jewish. Their G-d is my G-d. I can worship no other.
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Thank you for writing this. As a converting Hispanic, it has been pretty awkward for me as well to explain the why (not planning to get married any time soon).
I've been lucky to be surrounded by supportive people recently and it's a total blessing.
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I love your article. It came at a perfect time for me. I have decided to finally convert. I am also a non-practiing Catholic. However, I always felt a connection to Jews. In fact, my great grandma was from Israel. You dont feel you fit in because of your looks. I wont blend in either. I have red hair, green eyes and freckles. No one believes Im half Italian either! However, depending on how it's spelled, my last name can be Jewish, but it's the Norwegian spelling. Im not sure where I fit in
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the face of the Jewish community has changed greatly over the past few decades as more people from diverse ethnic/racial backgrounds convert. this isn't out of the ordinary, but many people still have difficulty understanding that not all Jews are born Jewish and not all Jews are white. it's not something we should be critical or afraid of. we are taught to embrace converts and hold them to high standards, no matter what they look like or what their last name is.
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...only I'm a Caucasian giyoret (convert) and as WASPy-looking as they come. People look and my little pug nose and say "Christina?-" (not my real name but an equally not-Jewish-sounding name) " that's an interesting name for a Jew!"
Yyyyeah. But hey, I had a halachic conversion (according to Jewish law), I cover my hair and I am adhere to the mitzvot, so that's all they need to know.
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Aliza,
I loved to read your article. I was born in Germany, with blond hair and blue eyes. I converted the day before Erev Rosh Hashana 2 years ago. Shortly before that I was insulted on the street when I wished someone a Shabbat Shalom because of my heritage.
With my new neshamah (soul) and my new name I became a different person, and to my delight I realized that my hair is getting darker since I cover my hair (I got married 7 months ago...).
This Purim I had two events that really struck me. One women, who came to our seuda (meal) and has been a close friend over the last two years, reminded me several times during our conversation that I converted and I met a convert a few hours later who is going through the last months before going to the mikvah. It makes me realize, that I dont feel like a convert at all. I am a Jew and always have been, just in special diguise. So everyone should be judged by how they behave and not by how they look.
All the best, Hannah
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Thank you so much for this article. I too am converting and have not had the strength to tell family and friends, but your story has given me courage for the day that I tell them. I live in Jamaica so when we go to Shul there are so many different colors and types, here no one sticks out.
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Born into Judiasm, it was because I didn't "look Jewish" that was one of the catapulting reasons for me to explore Orthodox Judiasm. I am Askenazic, with blonde hair, blue eyes and tall. I have heard "but you don't look Jewish" my whole life. My response? You can only see my body, you can't see my neshama (soul). It is very Jewish looking.
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For an amazing story!
We love you, some of us just don't have the manners to show it the right way. I'm totally amazed by your story, and I'm going to pass it on to my friends, especially the ones who are converts! I have a friend who converted and she's black, which shouldn't matter to anyone, but sadly some people need to grow up and recognize the G-d in everyone. I wish she would have had a better experience, I haven't heard from her in a while but I know she went through some very hard times. Much respect and love.
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Before I became observant I worked at a Jewish Nursing Home and when the residents found out I was Jewish, they all said to me "But you don't LOOK Jewish..." thanks to my blondish-brown hair and blue eyes. I still get it to an extent from people.....
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dear aliza:
before i read the article i saw your picture and all i could think of was: look at the light shining from that beautiful woman!!! your talent with words is wonderful. keep up the good work and keep smiling!!
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You look Jewish to me. You just don't look like them, that little group. So they are curious.
The main thing is HOW you are and act.
Try not to worry about what others think. Do what you know you should and treat them well and these worries will pass, as they should. And there you will be; a beautiful Jew.
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Aliza:
You wrote about the Star of David you found in your mother’s drawer “I'm still not totally sure what it was doing there”
I exhort you to ask, and find out, your family just maybe anusim. I suggest that as another Latina venturing into Judaism, who discoverer on the journey, that many of the strange customs, and funny Spanish her family sometimes spoke, (that use to cause embarrassment) could be explained through Judaism.
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From your description of your childhood and young adulthood, it sounds as if you had a Jewish soul all along. And from the star of David in your mother's jewelry box, it sounds as if you may be descended from a whole line of women who were secretly Jewish. And if your mother slapped you, she may have wanted to protect you from the dangers that jews face in this world, especially lately. Welcome home, little sister. You are one of us, whatever those other women's stares may seem to you to say. Maybe they are thinking, "That is a beautiful Jewish woman. How can our faith grow enough so that our faces, too, are glowing like that!"
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It's so strange. You hear this from fellow Jews for looking "not white enough". Growing up, I heard this same thing from my non-Jewish classmates because I looked "too white". There is no such thing as a "Jewish look," not even among the Ashkenazim. I've known freckled Jewish redheads with green eyes, and no, they were not converts. You look plenty Jewish to me. :)
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Im so glad and encouraged by everyones responses. It's nice to see there are a lot of other converts who have the same situations as me. G'd bless all of us as Jews (convert or otherwise)!!
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I read an article about an African-American synagogue in New York City in which the rabbi described converting in terms of "reverting" to what he always felt was his true nature. His statement struck a chord of truth with in me. Your article reverberates that truth. Bravo.
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Someone wrote above and I think think is a Great response to "but you don't look Jewish": "You can only see my body, you can't see my neshama (soul)." Amein!
Also, when someone asks deprecatingly "why would you want to be one of US??" I just smile and say, "It's a long story." It's the truth!
Someone once said to me that we are all converts, it's just a matter of how far back - some are more recent, but ultimately every born Jew is descended from converts - Avraham Avinu and Sarah Imeinu!
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“Being different makes you fit in perfectly.” Thank you, Edith for reminding us that as people, as Jews, we’re all unique. I definitely feel, like many converts, that I have always had a Jewish soul, conversion just made the whole world aware of it. I am a Jew and a convert, both. I hope I never forget the journey that I took to become Jewish.
Good luck to all of those converting to Judaism. It’s a hard road but it is full of rewards. It can be hard for people to understand why someone would make such a decision. Often, it’s easier for people to think that you’re converting just for marriage. Maybe, it’s our jobs as converts to remind those people of the beauty we see in Judaism. I know that every day I am learning from my Jewish friends, they are learning from the person I am and the person I was as I become the person I will be.
Judaism is a people, a religion, a way of life and so much more. People forget that it’s much, much more than an ethnicity and a race. I hope that as
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Hi
I take my hat off to everyone who is converting 'from scratch'. I had the fortune of going to a Jewish Junior School and having a wonderful community back home (Zimbabwe) who were wonderful to me. Now that I've moved out of Zim, and am now intending to convert, I've found a wonderful Moroccan Bet Knesset, where they think that I look Jewish, but I'm the whitest guy there, he he he:). Anyone who says that someone doesn't look Jewish to them should remember that they may not look Jewish to an Ethiopian/Chinese Jew.
All the best to everyone who is converting, and Mazel Tov to everyone who has finished the process. G-d bless, and thanks for the story.
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What a wonderful article! I was told quite often that I "looked Jewish," even though I was raised Catholic. There is much to question about my ancestors on my Moms side so don't take that Magen Dovid of your Grandmothers too lightly (I'm sure you don't!). Anyway, my husband and I would love to meet you and your husband and have you for a Shabbos meal. Ever in Kew Gardens Hills?
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What a wonderful article, Aliza. From one convert to another, there is NO way to tell "by looking!" In my ulpan geurim (conversion classes) in Jerusalem, we are North American caucasians, French, Fillipino, Trinidad, German, and the beat goes on...and yes, some of us are "looking under the covers" and finding Jewish ancestry and the rest have Jewish souls! Thank G-d, He has a place in Jewry for each one of us! Thanks for sharing!
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My birth name is Mary Ellen. It is a constant joke in our frum (religious) family that Jews by birth just can't get my name right - usually they say "Mary Ann" or "Murray Allan." My hair is blonde - often associated with the Yiddish term for shiksa. My hair is no more accepted than your textured hair. And no, I didn't convert to marry my husband - I converted years before on my own after finding Roman Catholocism more beyond the pale than White Russia. My appearance, however, lulls anti-Semitism from unsuspecting non-Jews into full view because they think that I am "one of them," so what they say is OK. That is quite an eye opener for my more "Jewish looking" husband who doesn't evoke those remarks from politically correct anti-Semites. Anyway... hang in there. You and I both know that every day of being Jewish is SO worth it beyond one's wildest expectations that what other "real" Jews think reallly doesn't matter all that much.
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Aliza, I don't know what you were thinking...but you look very Jewish and beautiful to me and I would not even take a second glance!! Funny, I am "very Jewish " yet I have red hair as do most members of my family. When I was in High School, one of my teachers said , "Anyone who has blond or red hair cannot be Jewish!' Good thing to say to a bunch of ORTHODOX teenagers don't you think? Anyway, me and a friend, the only ones out of a class of 30 to be red and blond...were pretty mad!!! Later my father told me that we probably come form David the King as he was a red-head. Only later did I realize that if this was indeed the truth then we were actually descendents of a convert!!!! None other then Ruth! So go figure! I have since been told many times that Jewish people were always dark skinned and dark haired and those comments always leave me queasy!! So I feel for you! Though you really look Jewish!!
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when i saw your photo I saw my youngest daughter,( please forgive me for error because I speake spanish), I will like to contact someone to help us we are from Panama city, and our family will like to make the convertion to judaism but at this side is to problematic, so please contact us if you can help us. Shalom
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Hi Aliza,
I have had the honor of teaching converts for the past 28 years. I know what a great thing it is to guide people who like yourself were seeking the true Creator.
I have taught quite a number of people from the Dominican Republic, Ecuador, Brazil, etc and from many other countries.
Welcome aboard to our Jewish people. You have beautiful spirit about you. Have a beautiful Passover.
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Please feel free to contact me at alizahausman@gmail.com if you have any comments or questions you don't feel comfortable posting here. Thank you.
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I am a very dark skinned African American Jewess (by maternal dna). I am learning more about my Jewish roots and looking into converson. While preparing for Erev Shabbat I walked into the grocery store, picked up some kosher grape juice for my daughter (The adults in our family use wine.), and matza for kiddush. The cashier looked at me as if he'd seen a ghost. I actually had to guide the monetary transaction so that he could wrap his brain around who/what he was seeing. I get this all the time. Hopefully, in time, all Jews will see all Jews as the people of HaShem. Shalom to all.
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Looks like you have quite a following (from all over the world no less). Mazel Tov to you and we look forward to reading many many more articles.
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I have been looking into Judaism, and as a woman of color, I am so happy to see this article. Best of luck to you!!
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I'm a convert myself, it's hard sometimes.
An interesting thought: My Rabbi told me that 500 years ago, 75% of the world's Jews spoke Spanish!
Remember that many Spanish surnames, for example, Rodriguez, are Jewish names.
My synagogue is full of Latinos "coming home" to Judaism.
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What an insightful and beautiful article! Thank you for sharing your story!
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I too am a convert, also by conviction. I fell in love with Shabbat when I was 16 years old and converted to Judaism 8 yrs later. I've had a lot of people ask me why I converted, and I always make a point of saying no, it wasn't for marriage. I met my late, beloved husband a year later. I am also of Hispanic origin (my late mother was Puerto Rican) but we are white (although, curiously I've had people tell me that I was "passing").I also believe that there were Jews in my family, probably centuries ago, because of course many of the Jews who were forced out of Spain went to PR. In 1981 I decided I wanted a formal Jewish educated and enrolled in Gratz College. When I decide to transfer from a secular college, to request my transcript, and talked to the Dean of Students there. He couldn't believe it when I said I had no Jewish background because I wasn't born Jewish. He informed me "I look Jewish, sound Jewish, and act Jewish". At my synagogue we have Israelis, Egyptians, South American and as well as African American Jews, and white Jews. We come in all shades, as can be seen in Israel. Yasher koach to Aliza.
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When I was a kid I'd see books or articles like, Xmas around the world, and I'd feel sad that we didn't have people from all over the world. Even though we ourselves were scattered all over the world, we're not FROM all over. We have our roots in the Holy Land; we are all cousins and brothers and sisters.
How wonderful in these letters to see that we do indeed have brothers and sisters FROM all over the world! I love it.
Thank you, all of you, for writing.
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You look Mizrahi which is the majority in Israel. Don't worry
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I'd love to hear more about your conversion stories if you'd be interested in sharing. My contact info is listed in one of the gray comment boxes. I speak on conversion and issues of race and ethnicity in Judaism and I could also use new insights!
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its actually really fascinating because I have noticed that now, more than ever that there are lots of converts in our community. (and probably much more than I am aware of ) which, makes me hope that this can only mean that moshiach is right around the corner! thanks for an enlightening (and humorous) article.
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I have encountered all my life, the words "you don't look Jewish." My third grade teacher asked the children in the class to raise their hands if they were staying home for the Jewish holiday, and when I raised my hand, she said "Put your hand down, you are not Jewish." As I was walking home with my mother that day I asked her:"Mommy, am I Jewish?" My mother was shocked: "Your parents are Jewish, your grandparents are Jewish!" My mother rushed back to the classroom and admonished the teacher for making that judgement. It also had to do with my last name, Dunn which was one of those names that lost something in the translation. I always had to remind people that it was Dunn without an e at the end. In high school, another teacher made the same mistake, saying "I never knew you were Jewish." And when I met my husband, a lady who lived across the street saw me, and said to him "Does your mother know she is not Jewish?" There are some comments made to me that I cannot repeat because they were based on ignorance or stupidity. However, the lesson here, is not to assume, by someone's looks or name, that you will know their religion or background.
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i am a giyoret with dark brown frizzy hair. never anyone asked me if i NOT was born jewish. on the contrary - when i mention that i converted as a young adult people can't believe it. my cousin who is born as a jewess, with blonde hair and blue eyes, is experiencing that people can't believe that she is jewish by birth.
people like to categorize, mostly on a very narrow level. but we can live with that. i think you look like a mizrahi - in israel you woulnd't face these comments. maybe in mainly askenazy america it is more difficult. but anyway - i am sure that convert from all different kind of backgrounds will fill in - for the best.
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Well, dear! You must have had very little contact with the world to think that Jews are 'white'! Jews are Semites, and we have dark hair(some of us have 'nappy' hair or curls), dark eyes and medium to dark skin. All of those 'white' Jews you've met are European, and have mixed blood, whether they like to talk about it or not. Semitic people do not have blonde hair and blue eyes, Europeans DO. So, when someone says "You don't look Jewish", you go right ahead and smile, because you actually DO look Jewish! In the ancient Jewish community your looks would fit right in, and in many modern Jewish communities as well! About your aunt, what she says is negative in it's own way,and shouldn't be repeated, because we are each on our own path, and judging another soul's journey is no one's right but G-d's.
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Its funny how ppl. percieve Jewish ppl. to look. I remember once, when I was a little girl that an aquaintance of my fathers drove all the way from a restaurant that he worked in just to see what a jew looked like. The jew- was me and I was up visiting my Father for The Summer since my parents were divorced. Anyhow, I had always gotten comments about my small nose but when he saw me he couldnt help but notice what a hooked it was and what thick black bushy eyebrows I had- talk about being stereotyped! Thanks for your article, Wer'e all so different!
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I am SORRY that people in your family have often been negative to your becoming Jewish. I am also sorry that where you have chosen to worship the people are not better informed by the Rabbi to be accepting. Where I go, in Riverside, CA, the Rabbi is WONDERFUL and TOTALLY accepting of Black Jews, Hispanic, or even NON JEWS coming to worship. The people are also totally acceptng and friendly.
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I loved your article. Interestingly my mother was a Catholic and my father was a Jew-in-hiding [and all his family] due to Adolph Hitler. So no one would admit to being Jewish. I never liked the Catholic Church--ever. My parents [Baptist step-father]and Catholic mother] sent me to Catholic school one year and it was the worst year in all of my school years. Those were some mean Nuns! I knew I was different, I looked like my real father--I looked Jewish. My mother was blond--skin and all! I was olive complexioned with brown hair and green eyes. My Jewish father had brown. I chose Jewish friends over other friends and just before my aunt died she told me that the family book--I was the next to inheret it had been stolen. It was generations of years old and was from Europe. It was dark brown leather bound with the entire family listed inside. It was The Book of Moses. Presently I am doing my Jewish geneology and plan to take it back as far as I can. So I enjoyed hearing your story.
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Funny or not, I take you seriously. I think you're beautiful and courageous. I believe in truth, and the truth is: you're Jewish!
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There are Yemenite Jews with dusky skin and black eyes.
There are 100,000 Ethiopian Jews with black hair, black eyes, and dark brown skin.
One Ethiopian Jewishwoman represents Israel at the local Israeli consulate.
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Bless your heart! I know how you are feeling. Try going up African American in the deep south.Being the only child allowed to hear "Grown Folks" business. Get curious about your geneaology. You and your brother have DNA testing done. Discover your brother is Y chromosome for Jewish Cohen ancestry. Your mito DNA falls into L3 group where your matches are of Sephardic descent, not to mention your brother has Askanezi and Sephardic matches and your family migrated from Cape Verde! You have studied Torah and Kabbalah during the entire 20 years leading up to the DNA testing and now you want to convert but are married to a man who has no religious preference. What's a girl to do? Continue to study Torah. Pray and observe Sabbath till you feel you can convert. Believe in miracles every day of your life. You are blessed so don't worry about the tan or the fuzzy hair.We are everywhere and are near to returning to the faith of our ancestors and returning to our true home Israel.
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Your fantastic article generated a lot of responses! Congratulations on your brave stance for what you believe in. It is not always easy. In fact, Ha'shem never once said it would be.
My grandparents immigrated from Iraq in the mid-1930s and moved to a small Sephardic community in South Carolina. I have cousins in Turkey, some have immigrated to the states and some not. An Uncle was born in Lebanon, I now live in Australia and I have cousins whose family ducked out of Babylon by way of Asia. My daughter has blond hair and big blue eyes and incredibly long curly hair as she looks like her father, whose grandparents went to the Netherlands after WWII. Her husband's family hails from Africa.
Yes, we are from all over. We are in diaspora...dispersement and banishment from out true home and holy temple. I think you fit in quite nicely, actually!
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I think you would blend into a Jewish crowd without ANY problem. I look Jewish, thanks to one Jewish grandparent, but my strawberry-blonde son always gets the questions started. Plus, having to ditch my Jewish maiden name when I married another convert with an obviously Scottish name.
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Very much so. You must have jewish ancestors. No wonder you were drawn to us.
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What a beautiful story! thank you for sharing it with us. Unfortunately there are a few people that will say it to your face that "you don't look jewish". I was told that a few times and I am jewish. I always smile when I hear that comment. I believe that they do not know much about history, they don't know much in what kind of demographic movement jews went through history. In your case I just wish to tell you welcome among us.
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Aliza, Congratulations and Mazal Tov as a Jewish New Bride. May Hashem shower you and your husband with Blessings of good health, simcha (joy) and mitzvot, and may you build a Torah home in Isarel with lots of G-d fearing children. Looks and Gawking should be the least of your worries. I live in Queens where you find jews of all the colors and practices, almost like in Israel. Jews we are human beings too. If we were perfect we wouldn't be on this earth. That is the challenge and the Tikkun (rectification) that we all have to work on: learn to practice "Ahavas Chinam For Am Israel" (baseless love for all of Israel)
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Lovely account. I get it constantly. The level of racism I have found is surprising. I, also, have Dutch Sephardic and German Ashkenaz in my family as well as Native American, Canadian, West Indian. I have been told that I could not be a Jew, etc. It is sickening. I would love to start a group for African–American Jews so that we could learn from each other how to deal with Jewish racism.
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Thanks you for your article. I am a Mexican American with a lot Mayan features (My mother is beautiful Maya woman). I get stares all the time at shul (from head to toe). I go to shul to pray to my G-d but I can hear, at times, “new” women talking about me on Shabbat, Yom Kippur (who is she? Jewish? She doesn’t look Jewish? Such behavior is wrong at shul! We all need to re-read the book "Guard your Tongue: a practical guide to the laws of loshon hora based on Chofetz Chayim ". B’H’ for converts and for the Jewish who don’t mind welcoming into their homes! Yes, I know Jewish are people too but out of respect to our rabbis and our G-d, cannot we just learn to appreciate different facial features? After all, it is Hashem the one that created man in different shapes and sizes from head to toe.
Thanks!
Rebecca, Orthodox convert.
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I live in Boro Park, a large orthodox community. Around here nobody blinks twice at anyone's color. With my own daughters one is pale and the other is very dark. The only one that ever made a remark about my dark daughter is a very senile aunt. She got way more looks than my daughter ever got.
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We had a Rabbi at our Shul some years ago, whose answer to what does a Jew look like was, "They must have red hair, green eyes, and fair skin." This is because, that was the look of the Jew, who looked back at him from the mirror.
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Aliza, you're absolutely gorgeous with a beautiful neshama (soul). I live in Israel and there is no such thing as "looking Jewish" - we are all so different looking as we originate from all over the world so please stop worrying.
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Wow, I've grown up hearing those words so often- "That's funny, you don't look Jewish." It hurts, because I am three-quarters Jewish, ethnically speaking (my grandfather, born in Wales, converted to marry my Russian grandma). I'm pale, and have hair that can't decide between wavy and straight, blond and brown. People expect a "real Jew" to look like your picture! (As a kid I used to dream of being tan, with dark curls. Still do.) Anyway, I feel your pain- I can only imagine what it must be to be an Ethiopian Jew, or a convert of any colour.
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You are very beautiful, that is what a jew looks like.
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You are a dedicated daughter of Abraham, who is following the path of her ancestors and that's what people should see when they look at you. Maybe they see that and that's why they stare ;)
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You're fine, a wonderful, intelligent, joyful, and dedicated person; anyone who 'stares' or has problem with your background is not only wrong but behaving in a very un-Jewish manner!
This sort of prejudice tends to be more of an American-Jewish thing; in Israel, which has a great mix of Jews from all lands and backgrounds, no one would blink an eye.
I've had some experience with this sort of thing and when people tell me 'you don't look Jewish' I often ask them, as if puzzled 'Why, what do you think a Jewish person is supposed to look like?'. (I've also considered responding 'Well, you don't look racist', but I realize that might not be helpful...).
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I find that statement comparing American attitudes and Israeli attitudes completely incorrect. Take a moment and consider the racism inherent in Israeli treatment of actual semitic Jews- terribly racist and an inversion of the truth of things as well, as we KNOW that Jews are a semitic people. There weren't any of those white Europeans in the original 12 tribes, after all.
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Jew is not the definition of a religion darling. I'm a real Jewminican....I am ETHNIC JEW!!! In my blood runs genes from my JEWISH ancestors! So yeah, Jews are a race. And they are not only fair skinned like The ashkenazi....Please do your research before going Jew-ghetto(urban term). You are offensive to those whom you are trying to imitate!
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I descend from 4 grandparents who were crypto-Jews, 2 Sepharadim, 2 Italkim. My family converted to Xianity gens ago. I am ethnically Hebrew and Med. I am fair, green eyes, dark brown curly hair, short. I look like a fair Med. I chose Judaism after witnessing idol worship & polytheism in Xtianity. I never converted. I am Hebrew, and my soul is Jewish. G-d knows that, and I don't need a beit din to approve of me. I attend services on High Holy Days.
HOWEVER, I have a friend who is Ashkenazi. She voiced what I've heard comments concerning, and that is her belief that Judaism is a religion, and if someone's ancestors are all Jewish, that just makes them descended from Jews, and less Jewish than the Ashkenazi who outbred to Russians. One thing about those of us who descended from all Jewish(Hebrew)/Med. ancestors...when we outbred it was to a phenotype that was similar to that of Israeli Jews in 70 ce. Descendents from Sepharadim often call themselves Hebrew, rather than Jewish. :)
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I just read through all of the posts and found several very offensive and bigoted comments.
The hatred espouses toward Europeans is very, very funny, when Spaniards and Portuguese had the largest population of Jews in the world for many years. Jews are dependent on their host societies, as is evident by the very nature of the disparity in appearance that you're mentioning here.
Simitic people are not sub-Saharan Africans. Take a look around the Mediterrean basin, both north and south of the Med, and you'll find people who are descended from Jews, who look Simitic.
I agree with the Jewminican who makes the comment about being an ethnic Jew. I have had Ashkenazic tell me that Judaism is a religion. I argue that Judaism is both a religion and an ethnicity.
But this is all so trite. The biggest zealots in any religion are the converts. Bravo to them for keeping Jewish religion alive. So many of us Ethnic Jews have lost touch with our religious roots.
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According to Rebecca: "Semitic people do not have blonde hair and blue eyes, Europeans DO."
Hey, Rebecca, you're wrong. There is an incidence of Blondes and blues in Semitic peoples. It's small, but it's there. There are blonde and blue eyed Africans, etc... Why the hostile tone about Europeans?
You can't be Sephardic or Ashkenazic, right? Sabra? And a pureblood? Get a DNA test?
FYI, genetic markers from Sephardic Jews show a close relationship to the "seed of Abraham". Sephardic Jews are European.
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One point: There are, and have always been, dark-skinned Jews. We call them Sefardim- Bucharim, Teimanim, Parsim, and just plain Sefardim. Some Teimanim are light, but the majority aren't. Light skin is more classic of Ashkenazi Jews. And Sefardim and Ashkenazim intermarry all the time.
The only time you look odd is if you're black- which increasingly is normal, because of the Ethiopians (though not too many are religious), or Chinese/Japenese. Try switching to a more Sefardi community- people will stare a lot less.
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Dear Aliza, First, let me say, you look beautiful in what I take to be your wedding dress. I too am a convert, of English Canadian background, with a small dash of Dutch and Woodlands Cree Indian. Born Jews tell me often that I don't look Jewish. Sort of a public service announcement, just in case I didn't know. My skin is pink and pale, my eyes blue, my hair dark blond and straight. I notice that some Jews treat me differently than they treat converts who can "pass" as Eastern European Jews. I enjoy your refreshing honesty about the amount of discrimination out there. But I think in a generation there will be so many converts, this "Jewish looking" nonsense will be a thing of the past. Best wishes until then!
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Because Spain is in Europe and G-d scattered the jewish people to the 4 winds Sephardic Jews are NOT Europeans. The idea of a belief in one G-d did not I repeat did not start in the bowels of a Polish Ghetto
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I am an African-American with Native American and West European Ancestry. I am a convert; a jew by choice. I made Aliyah to israel and have had dirty looks from fellow Jews as well as being spat upon several times. Everyone thinks of only the Ethiopians when it comes to being Black and Jewish. However, Blacks from the Americas and England have had a much more closer relationship to the Jewish people; especially the Sephardim and many of us are converts or children of converts for this reason. My familly origins are as slaves on the sugar plantations of Jamaica, Kingston to be exact and was later sent to the Carolinas and eventually ended up in Georgia. After emansipation and during the depression my family migrated north. I have stepped out to do those religious observances that my grand mother did in private and to re-unite the souls of my Jewish ancestry to the Jewish people. It is not easy being Black and Jewish. However, by the grace of HaShem, I hold on.
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Lately, I have been saying "I'm Jewish, but I don't look it," to people I meet who I know are Jewish. This comes from having so many people think I am not Jewish, but Irish, just by my looks!
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HebrewMed I agree a lot with you regarding the "fire" coming from the interbred blondes and the converts.
People, Culture (ethnic) is beautiful! Accept every piece of who you are and were your ancestors came from! Learn about yourself through them...we are all after all ONE HUMAN RACE!
Shalom
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My great grandparents were good Jews, my grand mother married a red haired Englishman, my mother married a red haired Irishmen, I am the first "Jew" in several generations... and I am a green eyed blond.
Thank you for the article, I am just starting to learn "how" to be the Jew I was born.
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This comment:are you really Jewish?You don't look jewish-you have blue eyes'" is one I heard again and again during my seven year long struggle for getting my Jewish identity confirmed by the Bet Din here in Jerusalem (by the way,the Rabbanim was great and treated me with loving kindness and encouraged me not to give up:you will find the proofs-and I did!But that is another story)But the remark was hurtful and often I was close to tears, until I understood the unspoken meaning"why do you want to be Jewish when you don't have to?and that saddened me,I felt sorry,not for myself,but for the people who asked.i still struggle,there is so much to learn,it is many painful issues to come to terms with.But beyond that there is this joy of not only being born a Jew but living as one!!!It is all worth it.As the only survivor of my family,I know the chain is not broken!!!
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Thank you so much for posting. I am a ger (convert) whose dark skin stands out in a sea of white Ashkenazi faces. I am at home in my Judaism and feeling self conscious in shul has not been a fun experience. I am thankful for friends who truly see me for who I am. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. You encouraged me so much.
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I am a Jew of Sephardi descent. I live in Texas, and most Jews at my Reform Synagogue are of Ashkenazi descent. However, I do not think that my skin color has anything to do with the way I pray (I am of an olive complexion-as are many Israelis, BTW).
Also, to me being a Jew is my religion, not my race. There are Jews of every race and ethnicity in the world. It is true that 'mainstream' Jews-especially in the U.S. tend to be Caucasian, but if you're not Asian or Black, you are Caucasian. Latino is also not a race! Thanks for your ear.
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This is the future of Judaism and we must embrace it!! At our Reform congregation in Suburban Philadelphia, my kids sing in the children's choir. The children are of all shades and colors. Through inter-marriage we have Jewish children from African and Indian heritage. Through international adoption we have Chinese, Vietnamese, and Venezuelan children. How anyone can listen to their beautiful voices sing and deem some of them "not as Jewish" as others is beyond me.
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I am an ashkenazi Jew, who looks more Polish or Russian than semite. I am pretty sure that my ancestors converted to Judaism way back. I believe that is true for most of Ashkenzi Jes.
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I was born and raised in islam, my parents told me that their great great grandparents were jewish decent but they converted to islam.
I'm not muslim and i'm proud to have jewish roots. I kind of look jewish i have fair skin and dark hair.lol
G-d Bless Israel
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Oh hon, that is one of the worst descriptive qualifiers of Santería or, for that matter, of anything I've read in a while. It's neither Spanish nor voodoo (which is properly called vodou and of Haitian origin). Anyway, congratulations on your journey. Me? I'm just following that fine Jewish tradition of nit-picking on detail and meaning. Shalom.
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The photograph is beautiful and as for the "nappy" hair, tell 'em it's a "jewfro"! My husband and sister-in-law had hair "out to there" back in the seventies. Hers is now short and his is now bald.....but you get the picture.
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Hi Aliza:
Best suggestion: STARE STRAIGHT BACK! It will work wonders. Trust me.
I once prayed the morning prayers in the ultra Orthodox neighbourhood of Sanhedria in Jerusalem many years back. I'm (I guess) Modern Orthodox, the rest of the men were all in black. One guy I remember was staring at me, cuz I obviously was NOT one of them. I stared straight back at him, in his eyes, mind you. He turned away a bit embarrassed.
Works like a charm. Promise.
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My Grandmother on my fathers side was an Othodox Sephardic Jew. I am moving home to NYC to start the process of conversion with my son. I cant wait. I have done a great deal of research.
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My background is almost identical to hers...From a Catholic family, and an over all Cristian Background, and a Hispanic decent. I've never felt in place, I've read the bible and no where does it say we must idolize saints, Catholics love to do this. And well unfortunately Chrisitans enjoys critisizing/judging other other people/religions...is that what G-d would ultimately want, I thought life was about living it correct to the best of your knowlege, fallowing G-ds orders, not nit picking at others. Since reading about Judaism things seem to click and make sense, like why we shouldn't be cremated, or why we should respect our bodies for they are a tool we are given to do good.
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I wrote a while back about how my elementary school teacher told me to put down my hand, when she asked how many children would be staying home for the Jewish holidays. "Put your hand down, Louise, you are not Jewish." That remark stayed with me all my life. My mother, of course, went back to school, after I asked her "Mommy, am I Jewish?" She told the teacher that I and all my ancestors were. The teacher apologized profusely. And still, to this day, people ask me "are you Jewish?" I am 66 years old, and a woman at the gym asked me that question two days ago. Patiently I reply that yes I am. Then I usually say, "you can't tell by looking at someone." But of course, they usually don't get it. I am tired of saying it. Tired of people speaking to me that way, or assuming I am not Jewish until I correct them. I love going to Temple, and feel I am a mensch of a woman! I look in the mirror, and say "why don't I 'look' Jewish?
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Bigotry is never pretty, no matter from where it hails. -
For the person commenting that Sepharadim are not European, go read up on history. Spanish Jews are European, as are Portuguese, Italian, and French Jews. Europeans of Semitic ancestry. To say that someone is both Mediterranean and Jewish is rather redundant, if you mean Jewish to be Semitic peoples who descend from the line of Jacob. Most descendants of said peoples converted to the religion of the day, long ago. Some maintained cultural traditions...the marranos...and conversos who held on to tradition, while outwardly practicing another religion.
Of my many friends who are Sepharadim and Italkim, and they're white to tawny Mediterranean Europeans. I also know some Ethiopians who descend from the same Semitic peoples, and they're much darker, but have simlar features and physiques as their neighbors to the north.
Jews have been dependent on their host pop for millenia, hence the difference in appearance.
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Most converts I know in Australia and Geramny go "underground" because of the constant problems. Interestingly the worst comments often comes from other converts in an effort to "fit in". My advice to any convert would be not to publicize the fact, its nobody's business and people are foolish. By the way, you do look Jewish but what is even more important is that you feel and consider yourself Jewish. Ignore all the stupid remarks of the others.
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dirty looks? We are all Jews, members of the tribe by birth or adoption, and should treat each other accodingly.
Part of being a Jew is hangingout with other Jews.
Demand acceptance!!! Remind them that it's a sin to doubt you or to refer to any former nonJewish identity.
People tell me I don't look Jewish and I say, "This is what Jews look like!"
I suggest you say it too.
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I am a Jew from the former Soviet Union, and living in Ukraine I encountered “go to Israel you dirty Jew” on daily basis, but when I immigrated to Israel the picture was the same. In Israel I lived in Ramat-Gan and there I would get “go to Russia you Christian pig”. My point is that Jews have gone thru so much that they tend to shy away from new comers. I don’t know what people’s problem is, if you go to Israel, you will see that we have a mix of Jews of different cultures these days. I have nothing but great admiration for your belief in Judaism. I have friends who converted into Christianity either in order to fit in or just assimilate themselves into their spouse’s side. The Jews who act strange towards you should be ashamed of themselves, because considering the hatred we have directed towards us on daily basis they should admire that someone actually wants to be Jewish by choice. I wish you the best of luck because you’re a great inspiration to anyone from any religion.
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I am finally moving home to NYC August 10th and I cant wait. I have lived in Cheyenne Wyoming for 6 years and have heard all of the ignorance over and over again. The ones that get me the most are the old adage that " Jews are cheap" are you kidding me. I am a complete spend thrift. I have also had to deal with the ignorant remarks that Jews do not believe in G-D, that is because these are Christians who relate Jesus to G-D and that we do not believe. Enough it enough, I am done with the foolishness and I am ready to come home.
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I have had similar experiences. I am of Boston Irish catholic descent. converted 20 years ago after taking 20 years to work on my conversion. was a member of a reform temple for 8 years before my conversion. who has given me the most trouble? Jewish people, especially Jewish women. I feel so socially isolated and although i would never renounce my conversion, did i do this for nothing?
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Here in Israel we have the whole rainbow of color:from black Ethiopians, brown Yemenites light brown Sephardim to pale blue-eyed Ashkenazim like myself. Although there is some racism, most of the problems are not about color but about who is accepted ad being authentically and halachically Jewish. I am sure that you for instance, would fit right in. I learn in my kollel with guys who are much darker than you. With your Orhodox conversion you would be accepted. Although there is some snobbery especially in the charedi community it is directed against converts more than "Jews of color"In my building (in Rechovot there are three Yemenite families three Ashkenazim and one Moroccan.We all get along fine
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I'm an African-American Jew who converted in Israel almost 30 years ago.The Rabbi who represented me before the Beit HaDin told me not to expect them to accept me as a candidate because the year before he had gone with another African-American woman and they had refused to convert her.I was lucky. This was before the influx of Ethiopians and being Black seemed to be a mighty big deal.Over the past 30 years the constant questions and looking and staring have almost driven me out of Judaism.For more than 20 years I do not answer any questions about how it is I am Jewish.I only go by people I know for Shabbatot and Chagim and I let them deal with any questions that are directed toward me.I've lived in Israel for more than 10 years and there are Jews from the four corners of the earth,still most Israeli's think I am a Black Hebrew from Chicago.I let them think whatever they want because my mission on this earth is not to educate the ignorant.To me Aliza looks very Jewish.But then so do I.
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First I would like to say to "Looking Jewish" from Jerusalem, that I believe converts are sent to educate the ignorant in what ever way we can. I often wondered why Hashem sent me, a black man from California,to finish my conversion process in the south, New Orleans,La. The reason was to educate the skeptics.
The way Hashem used me to educate them was by my knowing and leading prayer service in an Orthodox shul, reading Torah and Haftorah, blowing the Shofar and being part of the community.
Gawking will not end and I find myself at times taking an extra glance at someone in shul that looks different than what I regularly see praying in some snyagogue.
I am living in Beer Sheva now for 20 years and the stares at and assumptions about me have not changed. What has changed is positive reaction I have to any stares or rejections. I know who I am and what I am and that won't change. Stay the course my fellow convert and continue to educate others just by being.
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The first person to convert to Judaism was also not Jewish he didn't look to seek anyone's approval but G-ds. Hashem accepted him ,he stood out to the world with great belief in Hashem ,you could teach some people who merely are born Jewish what it is to be a good Jew,dont serve G-d's servants,serve Hashem and make the world a better place, most Jews today dont know their our origins I wish we could be converts ,we would be choosing to serve G-d,
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People still say I don't look Jewish, but when I talk, they say they can tell. Not by an accent, but by a way of expression. I call it 'hamish.' There is a certain familiarity, a caring mensch quality, that I aspire to, and hope enhances my relationships.
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Neither do I (look Jewish that is) but I am heart and soul. I can certainly identify with your journey having made a similar one. I will never let go of the One who made me Jewish and even in the face of those who sneer I can still hold my head up high and say "Um G-d, Um no, Um thanks". They just don't get it but that is okay. There was a time when I didn't either.
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This has been the biggest set back to me converting, the question of will I fit in? Will they treat me well? Will I be excluded? I know it should not stop me from converting but some of the experiences I have been reading about have been very emotional. I have been to a conservative synagogue for Shabbat and the people were amazing, but its the matter of being apart of the community globally, not just a Shabbat service. I don't know where to begin or what to do, but I have to convert someday, I just feel it.
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I have had quite a bit of contact with younger JOC's(Jews of color)and would advise you to reach out to others because there is strength in numbers.
I converted 30 years ago and although I knew other African-American Jews,I found their mentality of trying to fit in at all costs,something that didn't agree with me.
The young ones that I've met in the past couple of years are simply who they are.They still get the intrusive questions,but they are not compelled to answer.
You will fit in and you will be accepted by most and at least you'll know if you're not.That's better than people smiling in your face,pretending an interest in you and all they're really interested in is your story.
Tamara,just because of levels of religious observance,and how you are converting,may cause some fellow Jews not to accept you.You have to accept that and do what you need to do.
I have absolutly no regrets even though it has been hard for me,but that is just the way it is.
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Tamara ,"they" will not all treat you well. Yes, you will be excluded by some. But,for all the Jews that exclude you or do not treat you well you will find just as many or more who will go out of their way to pull you into the fold. It all depends on you. I accept the idea and premiss that conversion to Judaism needs to be difficult, within reason of course,for the potential convert. How else is it possible to measure the commitment?
I am now orthodox in my religious practice but many lessons I learned when I was on my journey to conversionfrom one of my mentors the late Reform Rabbi M. Blackman . He would say to me. "Not all Jews are going to accept you"
and " if Judaism is for you nothing or no one will stop you from returning to your people."
Is Judaism for Tamara or are you more concerned about being accepted? Sure, we all want and need to be accepted but first try to answer the question to yourself , why do I need to convert? B'Hatzlakha(success)
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Hi Tamara, and for that matter anyone wanting to convert in London (UK)
If you want some guidance or just chat with someone who's been through the process, then please pop into Kosher Kingdom and ask for me. I may not be able to talk for too long depending on how busy the shop is, but I'll try point you in the right direction.
Hope this helps.
Yonatan
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Just a thought,but what is a Jew supposed to look like anyway? Just wondering.....
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Went to a family party, and a woman I didn't know said to me: "Boy, do you look Irish!" Then she proceeded to tell me she has Jewish and Irish roots on her side-"You know-neurotics and drinkers!" I was so offended but smiled and walked away. I didn't know how to reply, except to say that I myself never assume anyone's religion by their looks. I didn't know how to address her other tasteless comment. I guess it would have taken a long time and since I didn't know her and it was a party after all, I didn't want to spend any more time with her. But I felt bad to be spoken to that way, even in casual conversation.
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I think you're beautiful. I'd be proud to have you as my daughter.
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I don't know how the constant conversion debate is affecting Jewish communities world wide but here in Central Europe it means that things are so difficult that I know of converts who have commenced to hide, as giving away this small fact means not being able to attend Jewish functions (even if orthodox conversion) due to the harsh behaviour of born Jews. The same treatment is given to Russian Jews who "only" have a Jewish father and would still need to convert. It makes me very very sad. We are so few and yet so arrogant.
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Jews look blond, and black. We have almond shaped eyes, and wide round eyes, and huge bumpy noses, and narrow pointy noses. We have nappy hair and straight hair and curly hair. We are short, tall, skinny, and fat. Some American Jews seem to have a really, really hard time facing the reality that Jews come in many different colors (and always have). I personally do not understand why; but it does seem frightening to them. I respect their fear but do not share it. I think it is great that Jews are a multiracial tribe, because I suspect that is what G-d wants.
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