Truth be told, I wasn't convinced. I couldn't relate to abstinence, I didn't understand the association of menstruation and impurity. I approached the experience like an anthropologist...
21 Comments Posted
I feel something is missing from my life, the purity of the Mikvah, and the married life that comes with it. I had so many problems in my former marriage, that I took for granted this important mizvah, and let my painful former marriage ruin my enjoyment and committment of this special mitzvah. I wish today that I had a loving husband who I could still follow this mitzvah for. I am Baruch Hashem in my forties, and before long menipause will come, to take this away from me. I would like to have another chance to have a loving marriage, where this special mizvah I can follow with better appreciation, than I had in my former unhappy marriage. Thanks for a very touching, and hopeful article, and message.
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Thanks for sharing your personal experience.
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Amazing... Thank you for sharing this! Now I really feel like learning more about the mikvah.
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What a wonderful article. I plan to share this with a lot of people! :) Beautifully written! Yasher koach.
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How do poor jews do this ritual?
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I, to, am a post menopausal woman who was raised conservative and reform, and so never took part in this mitzvah. Within the last year, I have become more interested in exploring my Judaism and have been going to a Chabad synogogue nearly every Shabbos. I have made great friends, and finally feel part of a large and loving family. I have approached my own young rebbetzin Devorah Leah who wants to study with me to prepare for this event. I fully intend to go to the mikvah before the end of the year. I fully intend that it be a spiritual and beautiful experience. This article was very inspirational. Thank you for sharing.
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This was very interesting. Thank you for being so open.
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You were very lucky you had someone understanding & patient. "My" mikvah lady was not understanding & "pushed "me away from using the mikvah due to a physical anomily I have. Even after an orthodox Rabbi told me not to worry about it, she did not abide by the Rabbi's ruling. She kept giving me a look whenever I came, so I stopped going.
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How poor? So poor they have no bed? So poor they have no bathtub? So poor they are working two jobs and have no time at night to go to the mikveh?
Surely there is one night available during the week to go to the mikveh. And at the mikveh she will find all the necessary cleaning tools and the bathtub too.
Just call your local orthodox synagogue or Chabad house. They will go with you and they will help. You don't even have to be friends first. They will assign someone to go with you. That's what I did.
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Hi, Don't be cheated out a wonderful experience because of someone elses mood or shortsightness. Would you stop paying for your groceries just because the checker gave you a look that didn't agree with you? I've had good and not good experiances with mikvah ladies. You can't let them decide such an important issue for you. Find another mikvah. If not, speak to her and let her know what her attitude is causing and costing. She is just the attendant there and not the Rabbinical figure. A smiling and easy going mikvah attendant who is pleasant to her "attendees", makes the experiance a pleasent and enjoyable one to look forward to. No one should have to feel ashamed or uncomfortable in such a special place or at such a monumental time. Here's to your next visit at the ritual bath Marsha!
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Do not let other people dictate what you do in life; whether the influence is direct, or indirect. Explain to your mikveh lady that your Rav approved and move on. You are only hurting yourself by not going. It makes no difference to her. This is your mitzvah.
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Meaning not enough money. Or maybe I sould ask what do the charges range?
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Thank you for all your comments. On top of it all I was not able to have children. Every time I went in she would comment on that also.. It's been many years now. I understood she moved out of the country and may not even be with us any longer. But that was the past. It did hurt but I no longer need the mikvah at my age. I only hope other women will have more conviction & strength than I did.
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Marsha, just as the author of the article went to the mikvah post-menopause, maybe that is something you would consider as well. Even though you have been to the mikvah in the past, if you never went after your last period, this would still be a mitzvah you could do. Having been a mikvah lady myself, I would suggest calling someone you are comfortable with to make it a wonderful experience if you fear having a "bad" mikvah lady. I agree that can be devastating, and you should be able to experience the beauty of the mitzvah. If you'd like I could try to help you find someone sensitive to take you in your town.
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A touching article, but a casual reader could misunderstand a few points. Use of the mikvah by a man -- custom only -- is not all all to be equated with use by a married woman -- commandment from the Torah. A man would never be using the mikvah at the same time as a married woman (wife or not). "After the mikvah, I was considered kosher." Oi, you were never "trief" in the first place -- you were nidah; now taharah. (The immersion was "kosher", not the woman.) The other uses by women who were "in crisis, sickness "- no, no, no; this is not what mikvah use by women is about at all. (near end of article) Thank you for your honest reflections.
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Thank you for wanting to assist me. I know many women here I could go with. As a matter of fact I live less then a block from our mikvah! There is no mikvah lady where I now live, however, I have gone with some women to be their "mikvah lady".
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Great article. I recently went to the mikvah for the first time and had a similar experience. I'm not religious, but I too feel as if the mikvah helped me become more spiritually fulfilled, both personally and in regards to my family. Thanks to all the mikvah ladies out there who are patient, understanding, and caring enough to walk us through the process.
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Although, I am not Jewish. I really enjoyed reading this article. I have always wandered what the Mikvah was and this article was very interesting and thought provoking. There should be placing like these for all women
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You are a great writer. This story was both deeply personal and very witty!
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No one has answered how much it costs to go to the mikvah. In the US the charges are usually about 18-25 dollars per visit. Usually it is higher in places that don't have any economy of scale, less in places with larger Jewish populations. In no place will cost be a problem. If you can't afford it, an accomodation will be made. Frequently, the rabbi knows, and he clears it with the attendant, usually by telling her that so and so already paid. Since some people do pay in advance (for a full year at once, with a discount) the attendant does not know the difference. At some mikvahs the attendant expects a tip, a couple of extra dollars.
How do I know all this? For a long time our personal funds were quite tight. I also have been a mikvah attendant most of my 29 years of married life, and I plan on continuing. I have always, and will continue to, refuse all tips.
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Finally some one has been frank with me about how the charges are.
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