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Dealing with Secondary Infertility
 | Treatment after treatment, month after month, year after year, my womb remained empty. Nothing happened except the pain in my heart grew stronger...
13 Comments Posted
Dear Elana, thank you so much for sharing your experiences. Your ability to learn and grow from your hardships are an inspiration to me and so many others!! May we soon read the essay about overcoming secondary infertiity!
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Thank you for writting this important article. Your strength in trusting G-d lends inspiration and courage to those who are facing similar challenges. I have lost a child at birth and anticipate the possibility of having another child with all the fears and awe of G-d that it should be born healthy. In reality, we are truly, and solely, in G-d's hands. May you and your family be blessed with many healthy children.
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I too went through the stress and uncertainty involved with not having children. I saw a friend undergo three miscarriages before a successful pregnancy. A neighbor and her husband spent around $100,000 on treatments before having a little boy. He seems to be a normal little boy, close to age 4 now, but he is often sick from various illnesses and they worry about losing him. I was treated by a fertility specialist for years before I had a change of heart. I felt confident that I would be a mother, but I said no to more drugs. I thought of Sarah and how it related to our modern issues of surrogacy and infertility treatments. I decided it was not my decision to make. My daughter was born within months of making that decision. I know some people wait months and years without a child, driving them to make desperate choices. I feel fortunate that through faith I was able to make a choice that I did not regret.
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Having been in that situation for 21 years and adopting two children I find what you write interesting. I have only recently learned that the first step of a 12 step program is admitting you are powerless and that a power greater that your is in control Without knowing it, you have worked the first 3 of a 12 step program.
Keep surrendering, only Hashem knows what is instore!
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This was a beautiful article. I hope and pray that you have another child and for all the childless couples out there.
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Thank you for your story. As a massage therapist since 1981, I've treated many women who 'could not concieve'..one who told me this was her last hope before having to undergo fertility treatments. We worked,and already the first time, I could see the 'flame of the soul' entering and exiting her body . She could not see what I was seeing,but could feel it,and a month later,confirmed that she was pregnant. We worked weekly and the 'flame' would stay longer and longer periods before leaving..After the baby was born,we kept doing massage...by that time the baby had become so used to the rythm of the massage , it would cry if we put him down...so we'd lay him on her tummy or her back,depending on where I was working...he'd instantly fall happily asleep and just purr.So wonderful,so much fun! She went on to have 3 more children ! Some women are wayTOO THIN,too nervous to carry.There has to be a certain amount of body fat to get pregnant..'letting go,letting G-d' is smart,wise.Mazel Tov!
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I too had a similar experience and had to let go. However, after 8 years and 9 months of many challenges and even more praying, G-d gave my husband and I a beautiful second child. People always comment about the large age span and I always respond the same way "You get them the way G-d gives them". We have no control so letting go is best. Best wishes and my prayers are with you.
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This really touched me. I experienced secondary infertility after having 2 kids. I had several treatments done with failure. Eight years passed by and my life was consumed by this yearning. I couldn't even enjoy my kids because I only focused on what I couldn't have. I finally let go and just trusted my body. When I conceived my doctor could not believe it. I still have the same yearning even with 3 kids, but I learned that G-d has the plan for each and one of us. May you have whatever your heard desires.
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I have a 15 month old son. I had a miscarriage before we had him, and then it took seven months before we conceived again. I completely understand what the nagging voice inside is about, mine makes me suffer a lot. Somehow I think that I'm starting the process of letting go. My husband and I have been trying for 6 months now to get pregnant again, however we don't yet have any good news to share with our loved ones. I suffer a lot from the worrying of what is going to be, but I'm trying to be positive, and have just recently started realising how powerless we are, we just don't know what G-d in His infinite wisdom has in store for us, all we know is that we can pray and try to be good people - He will answer our prayers in a way that only He knows best. Please G-d we should all have good news to share very soon.
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We are trying for 2 years and 3 month! This is so hard, also if you know, that the problem is you... Every month shots, research, other painfull stuff and nothing happens.... I am so tired. But I know that we will have kids, and I am never angry or uspet when i see other kids and pregnant woman, it just makes me move on, to my dream. Everybody deserves to be a mother. And I know that G-d will not leave us alone. He is with us, just only He knows when is the right time!
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It has been 10 years since our daughter was born and I still hope for more. Its hard for my Shoshi to see her friends with SO many brothers and sisters. She doesn't understand why she has to be alone. My husband and I try to help her to see the positive in her life but I know how she feels. I really thought after having one baby that the rest would follow. I would ask Hashem (G-d) "aren't there any neshamas that want to be part of our family?" I focus on my beautiful Shoshi and how much she has filled my life with more than I thought possible. This neshama was meant for us. Elana is right about letting go and trusting Hashem. It has taken me seven years to let go and see what will happen.
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I am a christian and have drawn great strength for these stories of other women who had problems with getting pregnant. It could not have come at a better time in my life. I am 40 and still praying, believing and trusting in the L-rd. I am very grateful for the encouragement that I have gathered from the testimonials. My brother-in-law is having a baby and I am very happy for them, but it can not help but cause temporary pain for those who are having a hard time conceiving a child.
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Thank you Elana for your beautiful story. I pray for you for #2, and I pray for that same #2 for myself, and all the other mothers on here longing to bring beautiful souls into this world. I feel so many of the same feelings you mentioned in your letter. After trying and waiting so long for #1 , it still feels unbelievable despite our daughter being 26months! We conceived #1 with the help of IVF, but sadly had 1 miscarriage and one failed IVF in our attempt for #2. We will try for a final IVF this summer- with the help of Hashem we hope our little princess will some day not have to endure the pains of being a "lonely only" that I myself had to endure.
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