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A Woman's Journey of Understanding Modesty
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Who we really are, our inner essence, that which makes us truly unique and not just another pretty face, should be the image that we want to convey...
22 Comments Posted
your site has so much to offer me, and others, on living a more spirtual jewish life, and to become a finer person. i am truly thankful
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The author states " Who we really are, our inner essence, that which makes us truly unique and not just another pretty face, should be the image that we want to convey, and that image is best cast without highlighting the distractions – and trappings – of external appearance."
If this is so, why are men not held to this same standard?
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It is always been a sore subject for me. It has always been about how my family percieves me. I am almost 40 , a mother,wife, and teacher and yet I still seek approval from my family. Reading this article gives me to think about and perhaps one day I will be as strong. Thanks for writing such an inspiring article.
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I would like to congratulate the author on having captured the most important essence of the concepts of modesty in Judaism. I too have opted to cover my hair and observe the modesty rules andI find that I can still look good and feel good about myself. I have also found in the recent hot weather I have felt cooler and not suffered any unwanted sunburn because I no longer sunbathe or expose large areas of skin. Surely a message from HaShem that this is the way we are meant to dress.
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Living in an area of the country where being an Orthodox Jew makes one somewhat an oddity, it is articles like this one that helps me keep my perspective as a head-covering, tznius-dressing, observant Jewish woman. This article helped put my true value back into perspective. Thank You.
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we are what we were made to be - and "modesty" of one's self is how one portrays themself to be - not by design, but by soul. if one has to rely on props to better send a message, then the message need not be sent at all. If we do not have the courage to be what we were made then forever shall we hide behind the masks that man has made us believe we need to "be" ourselves. Why cannot men and women have the courage to represent their true selves and have the strength to show restraint and humility without having to have a physical intervention.
If I canot hold my own with what G-d gave me, then I do not deserve to be myself and I should live a life of conformity and give up on the very thing that made me, me. to cover or not to cover... that is the question. I choose mysel, and I have fatih in what G-d gave me to be myself, and I choose not to hide or compensate for that. Humilty is my nature - not my dress code. confidence is in who I am, not who I want you to think I am.
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I recently started covering my hair, and in that I have found a freedom beyond belief. I hold my head up high, and there are times that I even find myself feeling sorry for the women who aren't covering their hair. I feel tremendous blessings are given. It is a deep spiritual meaning that I feel is more than just being modest. It means so many things to so many people. It may take some time to come to the decision to do so, but once you do it is a release from the "ties that bind" sort of speak. I feel beautiful inside when I cover my hair. I find more respect when I am out of my home and in the public. And I live in an area where this is not a common practice. So what if I or Mrs. Jones covers our hair? So what if a man does not cover as modest? If you feel compelled to cover, then do it. You will be the one to reap the blessings. It is not for you to worry about what others are thinking or doing or not doing. That is not our job, it is to be what G-d wants us to be as a woman. Shalom
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Your artical is so amazing its so true I am muslim
and I agree with what you are saying as the concept of modesty its so true we are confused and ecouraged to be followers of those who want to keep us away from G-d however when we think about it If our foremothers could seek justice and truth and convey inner modesty in every aspect of their lives then we must rid ourselves of doubts and worry's and know that G-d is with us, I will most certainly take your words with me through life that ANYTHING which is attractive or seen as seductive is for the husband thankyou May G-d fill all our lives with peace
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I myself am still struggling with the "to cover or not to cover" question. As soon as I think I will, someone else's opinion or what society may think shoots me down. Thank you for your inspiring article- I am tired of concerning myself with what others think, especially when they are far from religious or even tznius.
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please dont feel sorry for and thus look down upon those who choose not to cover their head. thank you
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I am a christian woman and I have yet to hear the topic of modesty in a woman so well put as you have. Whether jewish, muslim or christian, inner modesty in a woman is so important in keeping true what is important before G-d. It is very misunderstood by the world but yet so essential to our lives that we not live by what the others think or believe, but what G-d thinks and knows to be true in our hearts. I celebrate this act and hope that this would be the way we should all be.
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I've been toying with the idea of covering my hair, but I'm always saying to myself, "how can i cover my hair if I don't daven (pray)every day?", or how can I cover my hair if my sleeves are too short?". Shouldn't other things come before covering your hair? It makes a public statement about how frum (observant) you are. Shouldn't other things be done first before making such a statement?
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In response to the lady who feels not religious to cover her hair; We are taught to do each Mitzvah that we can as soon as we get the opportunity. This worls is like a wedding party. Grab what you can b/c it doesn't last forever. Don't let the voices in your head steer you from the path which you know to ultimatly be the true one. Certainly, keeping this Mitzvah will encourage you & give you strength to do many more. Good luck!
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Feeling sorry for people who don't cover, isn't the same as judging. The author probably has compassion on them because they are missing out on a deep experience like the one (or better) than she has. It's like if someone is missing a relationship, you still respect them. But you are sorry they don't have it.
Even if the person has a relationship, there are many aspects to that relationship.
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I was raised in a traditional Israeli family - Shabbat dinners, strict kosher, a deep love of Israel and Zionism. However, my mom did not cover or wear skirts and my dad did not wear a kippah all the time (but tefillin were a must every morning). I recently got married to a wonderful man who was raised very differently than I was - Reform. We have come together and decided how we would like to start our own family and have our own house. However, very recently I have started thinking that I would like to be more religious. I have started wearing skirts only (which my husband noticed but has not said anything) and I am contemplating covering my hair. The thing is, I dont think he would be very supportive at first. I know he is not ready to wear a kippah everyday, and would it look weird if I cover my hair but he does not wear one? I really don't know how to approach this subject with him. Also, I am almost done with medical school and am afraid that if I cover, (to be cont. I ran out)
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if I cover, then residency programs will not hire me because they don't want someone who can't work on Shabbat. I want all these things, but somehow I dont know how to make them all fit into my life now. Being a doctor is so important to me, yet so is being a good Jewish woman. I always thought I would be able to do everything, yet now I come to find out that 1 or the other has to be lax, yet I dont know how to pick. If anyone has any suggestions, they would be greatly appreciated (both about the husband and the med school)...
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As an ad once ran: you wont know if you don't go. As a physician, when I started covering my hair, my patients and colleges asked questions, but were surprizingly supportive. I talked to the docs I take call with, and again, amazing flexiblity and support. So I work all those christian holidays, and am off for mine. If I have to go to the hospital for an emergency on shabbos, I walk, and only write whats crucial. Go for it, Hashem will help make sure it all works out.
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I still feel a little nervous about it, but already have been blessed. A friend sent this Chabad article to encourage me. I appreciate very much what Yael Weil has to say. Here are some other thoughts which have inspired me: Blessings over mitzvot all begin, "Blessed you You HaShem our G-d, King of the universe, who has sanctified us with His commandments..." "You shall keep My decrees and perform them - I am HaShem Who sanctifies you." (Vayikra ch. 20, v. 8) "To sanctify" is to set apart, to differentiate, to distinguish between. People who live by the V'Ahavta, "You shall love HaShem ... with all your heart, soul, and strength..." are different both inside and out, including their words, actions, and appearance. "You will make known to me the path of life, the fullness of joys in Your Presence, the delights that are in Your right hand for eternity." (Tehillim 16, v. 11) "And your ears will listen [even] to a word spoken from behind you, saying, 'This is the path; walk in it...'"
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It is not an easy road you're traversing. However, the rewards are tremendous. Your husband might resist the steps you are taking to get closer to Hashem. Once he has joy from his children he will appreciate the sacrifices you have made. Please be careful not to pressure him in joining you. That will only send him running in the opposite direction. With the blessing that you are bringing into your home he will eventually come around on his own. I know it's hard and you want your husband to join you yesterday. By keeping the peace in your home you will only double your blessings. Know that Hashem is with you every step of the way. He is very proud of your efforts.
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Yes, a head-covering is like taking your "tent" with you, even when you are outside your "tent". It is like armor, it protects you.
The synthetic-hair wigs of today can be beautiful, natural-looking, lightweight on the head and cheap. They are wash and wear, need no re-styling. It is easy to do this mitzvah. Google knows where to order them. Get a medium or long bob style, at least eleven inches long at the back.
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it takes a little getting used to when you are young. it"not your beautiful hair swinging around. but wait till you get to be 79, you look 15 years younger with a sheitel.
young women should stop exagerating the LOOK. shorter can be more modest.
if it is tznius youre emphasizing.
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