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 | Judaism loves categories and celebrates them every way – night and day, milk and meat, Sabbath versus holidays and ordinary days – and gender is no exception...
23 Comments Posted
A mechitza removes some sources of distraction, but let's not exaggerate its benefts. In fact, the one at the synagogue I attend prevents the women from even seeing the Rabbi, and it seems to encourage chatting among them more than prayer.
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Thank you for this sensible and touching article.
You're expressing in a beautiful way what I always felt about the mechitza.
It enables me to concentrate on my prayers by giving me the privacy I need for this.
Your last sentence makes me think about how love between man and woman is so often banalized that people think a mechitza could really "separate" the two and how torah on the other hand makes that love special.
I would love to read more of your articles.
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Unbelievable article - I had this question for years, and no one was able to give me a proper answer.
Thank You! Finally! This makes sooo much sense, I wish the whole world could read it.
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Yes, to pray while in the embrace of anyone, especially one's partner, is almost impossible and it is necessary to have a separation of men and women during prayer. But what about elsewhere? In many communities mechitzas are put up at weddings (after the chupah), dinners and sometimes even restaurants, why is this necessary? Especially in the case of the weddings, where many times, even in chassidic neighborhoods, there is no separation during the chuppah (where it is necessary due to the presence of the minyan), but it is strictly enforced at the dinner. To me, the putting up of mechitzas in places that are not required seems arbitrary and even harmful. What if a newly wed couple were to attend a wedding, in which the bride or groom was a close friend of one of the two newlyweds , and the other newlywed didn't know a single person? This person could feel lonley and out of place with their better half right there! Many are the problems that can arise by putting up needless mechitzas.
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I AM 81 YEARS YOUNG....AND HAVE DISCOVERED MY SPIRITUAL SELF IN MY JOURNEY OF SELF-DISCOVERY...IT HAS LED ME TO CHABAD AND FOR THE FIRST TIME I FEEL THE WARMTH AND BEAUTY OF MY RELIGION. I AM SO GRATEFUL TO RABBI SCHNEUR AND DEVORA KAPLAN FOR MY DISCOVERY OF THE BEAUTY OF MY ROOTS.
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Keep up the wonderful, insightful essays. You never know who will be just touched by your words and thoughts to make changes in her life and to truly understand what is going on in our world!
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Thank goodness for a mechitza for my own spiritual development! I am a ba'ala teshuva and deeply needed that separation because I was so self-conscious about learning to pray. Without that mechitza, I know my growth and progress would have been stunted.
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I have prayed in both mixed and separate seating and believe me I concentrate better in a shul with a mechitza--so does my husband though he probably wouldn't admit it!
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Some of the logic in this article appears faulty to me. If it is "difficult enough to pray when alone", then how can men, even if they cannot see women, pray together successfully? Also, if men are so very distracted by the sight of women or women by the sight of men, then perhaps they aren't in the correct frame of mind to pray at all. Prayer involves intense focus on G-d and the prayers themselves and their meanings, and if one is looking around at everyone else one is not concentrating on one's prayers anyway, and so these prayers will not be heard.
I was raised in the Reform community, and have always sat together with men in my family and with men and women surrounding me. No Mechitza required. I don't think it's that I feel women are demeaned by this practice of separation; rather it is the men who are demeaned because they cannot focus themselves with women present. I cannot believe that a religious Jewish man cannot focus his prayers because people are present around him, men or women.
Thank you. The articles on this website are tremendous and very well written. I hope to read more soon.
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I agree with statement that less distraction results in better prayer, however, the main distraction is the fact that people (men and women alike) are not able to shut up even during shma or the shmone esrei (two foudational prayers when speech is forbidden). At one time I became so upset by the shameless bable around me that I folded my tallit and left in the middel of service, went home and finished service there.
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I have prayed in orthodox, conservative and reformed shuls and I have found that the greatest amount of chit chat during tefilah takes place in orthodox shuls with their mechitzahs and the least chatter occurs in refom temples without mechitzahs!
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I have also attended all kind of services and did not find it more silent on the balcony. I was often hard to concentrate on the prayer there, because some women seemed to use it as a kind of theatre gallery, watching the men praying and commenting their actions. Do not misunderstand me, I am not a against seperate prayer, but why not making up a womens' prayer room, where we can really be on our own? I always thought it would be a good compromise for my country, where you do not have the choice to attend many synagogues of different denomination.
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I agree with Talia and Eli...I think there is the most talk on the women's side because the Rabbi cannot "see" what is going on while he's reading the Torah with the men. However, I prefer the mechitzah; I don't have to put up with men oggling me or who knows what during services.
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Sorry, but you cannot make generalizations about chit chat. Talking is a problem of its own and exists in some places and not in others, unrelated to the topic of mechitza.
Distractions come from inside a person and exist even when a person is at home all alone.
The mechitza was adopted as a specifically Jewsih form of worship. It distinguishes the synagogue from the church. (to be continued)
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...and to the woman from Bklyn who thinks that we don't need mechitzas at weddings, again, this is all about kedusha. Weddings are a very high form of kedusha, so yes, we definitely should continue the holy practice of mechitzas there, too!
Let's quit this game of thinking women are oppressed, or that we should change tradition if it suits us better...
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Oppression has nothing to do with it, nor discrimination. It is a mater of choices and different functions. Men and women are not the same, do not have the same religieus requirements and obligations and should therefor not perform all sorts of riuals together. As for the Chupah, we did ours 21 years after our civil marriage. We had our three children playing music. The fact that my wife was there next to me at the chupah was in itself a kedusha (holy). To all men and women who think men and women are equal, just go back to biology class! You are different. One is not less than the other, just different.
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Joelle,
While this builds a beautiful case for the mechiztah is quite simply a lovely commentary on prayer. thank you for the wonderful images. I used to think myself I could NEVER sit through a religious service withouth holding my loved one's hand. I have since heard the melody of my own mechitzah - since the separation allows me to shift my focus from the pulse of my beshert to my own heart's beating which is where I can sing my own song to Hashem. And often, the power of other women's voices around me, reminds me of how smart g-d really is!
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I have no problem with the mechitza, in fact, I have noticed many benefits in my own family. My husband has been forced to tap into his own spirituality instead of relying on me, my oldest daughter feels the mechitza protects her from being ogled by young men while she's davening and I am free to pray without having to worry about whether or not the men in my family are comfortable.
But.. I miss the Torah. I love to touch it and hold it and long to be able to read from it.
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It seems that this tradition is based on the idea that as human beings we are always thinking about sex. I do believe that a time of prayer is best done alone. I recently attended a service with a mechitza at an orthodox synagogue. I felt uncomforable and removed from the most important part of the ceremony: The Torah. I feel that if one is truly IN the act of davening, then nothing around you will distract you. Not the person sitting next to you shuffling through the Siddur or the chatty kathy behind you.
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I find it difficult to focus on prayer when i have to listen to only men sing and i cannot sing along. I also prefer to pray alongside my family-not alone and cast aside. maybe you all like it but for me the mechitzah means being alone. Why doesn't anyone seem to understand this?
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To separate the men and women in the synagogues does not bode well with me. I go along with the saying that the family that prays together stays together. In our shul, which is orthodox, we are separated by a glass partition, where we can still see one another, but seems very austere. The little boys in the congregation have to sit with their fathers, and talk about distractions! They are running up and down the aisles and making lots of noise, as little boys do; and sometimes in desperation, the dads tell their kids to go and sit with mama on her side, even though it's forbidden. I think the separation creates a distance between husband and wife, and does not seem to serve any worthwhile purpose. It was so different in the conservative synagogue where I used to attend. The families sat together and prayed together and the children were much better behaved. I may just go back.
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As a working model and actress who gets devalued all DAY merely because of her looks... I LOVE the partition .... I LOVE being able to pray freely and without care to who sees me or who judges me ...
fom what Iv've seen Jewish women are SOO beautiful its so importan tthat we have a SPACE to pray , to light candles , to be OURSELVES unmolested by men's eyes and desires ... though I work in an un-modest field d i truly APPRECIATE modesty and its emphasis on the personality ..on HUmanity and Learning and True heartfelt spirritual as well as physical Love :) .
Just for Myself - I WISH for a Torah learned and observing faithful husband ! ( and observant , correctly raised beautiful Jewish children ! ) :)
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How beautiful and frank your above comment is; working in a field which ipso facto has to "worship" vanity, has given you a very clear perspective on true values. May HaShem hear your prayers for the kind of home you desire, since you see the depth and beauty of a Torah way of life.
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