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By Sara Esther Crispe
| I watched the screen as he moved the instrument around. “Here is the sack,” he said as he pointed to a roundness appearing in the screen. He continued to search, yet had a blank expression on his face. “I’m sorry, but the sack is empty.”
38 Comments Posted
Dear Sara Esther,
I just wanted to let you know how much i enjoy reading your inspiring articles time after time and how brave you are in writing the current article. I am sure you will be a source of strength to many moms with your honest appraisal of life in the jewish lane.
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Such a powerful and important piece. Your words are going to make a difference in a lot of women's lives. Thank you for sharing your strength and wisdom. You should be blessed to go from strength to strength.
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I've been pregnant only once and miscarried after 2 months. Like you and so many other women, I continue to love - not a fetus, not some unformed 'it' - but a child.
My child.
Thank you, Sara Esther, for writing this. Thank you so very much. And if I could thank Rabbi Ginsburgh, I would do so. I've already done so mentally, and with my heart.
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Excellent article. Gave me chizuck just in the right time. Thank you
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I married at a later than usual age and got pregnant a year after. The happiness that my husband showed just added so much to my feeling of happiness. At 13 weeks I had to have a D&C. The reason, a blighted ovum. The nurse told me "Mourn this loss but not the loss of the future". After IVF and another 2 lost pregnancies I accepted that I would not have children, although I feel that my husband never did. I am glad to read your story and that this subject is being dealt with. The words of Rabbi Ginsburgh were truly inspiring to me even after all the years.
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I went through a similar experience, only my miscarriage was a little earlier. The concept of the empty sac was scary but strangely comforting to me at the time, because it allowed me to be sad for myself, but somehow I felt I didn't have to mourn for a baby. There had been no baby, only a sac. I found myself confused by the concept and slightly inadequate, but secretly relieved. I never wondered about the child that might have been; there was no child. Only cells.
Years later, when my daughter was born, the early loss made her birth more precious -- if that is even possible.
I feel for you. I remember so well the pain and the confusion. And like you, while I know that each of us experiences every pain in our own, personal way I am inspired and comforted by this amazing opportunity to share our experiences with other women all over the world. Thank you for this website.
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All I can say is WOW!!! What a story and so beautifully told. We have one daughter and after her birth 3 or 4 miscarriages. So we gave up. The heartache was just too much. And yes, as the male, I really did feel it too. If not in the physical sense, then definitely emotionally. Anyway, our daughter is now 14 going on 30. And Baruch Hashem, we have only had nachus and more nachus. So this story has a happy ending too.
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Dear Sara Esther,
Thank you for sharing this experience. I had a very similar experience as well, and 2 in a row before having a healthy baby. I felt all the things you're describing and it took months of healing emotionally. All this combined had forced me to delve into a very deep place inside me. I went far knowing that down there lay the answer to my pain and questions. The experiences gave me an unbelievable glimpse into my connection with G-d and among other things an appreciation and tremendous balance of trust and faith in Hashem. When I was pregnant with my beautiful baby son i took great care never to take it for granted.
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Sara Esther,
This is the 3rd time in just one week i'm writing to you to tell you how wonderful your site is!!
i am addicted... in the morning and then in the evening to open the site and just read. I learn lots, and I cry lots, and again learn to be strong.. it's gotten to be my safe place...
Thank you millions
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As a woman who miscarried after 10 weeks, I always wondered what the purpose of the pregnancy was, especially as by the time I found out I was pregnant ( I only took a pregancy after the second month when I didn't get my period ) the fetus was no longer alive.
Rabbi Ginsburg's words that there are the souls that need so little to complete their mission, that their soul only needs to come into a body long enough to beat its heart or simply create a pregnancy is very comforting and reassuring that everything has its purpose.
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Thank you for writting that. My wife and I just had our second loss in 5 months. thank you for that lil' bit of confort.
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Thank you for sharing your story. I recently suffered my 2nd miscarriage out of 3 pregnancies, in the same order as you. In this most recent one, we did see a heartbeat, but by the next week it was gone. The thoughts your Rabbi shared with you give me so much peace. To think that this soul was finished with it's work and ready to move on is so much easier to hold on to than any other "explanation". Thank you for sharing your pain to help relieve the pain of others at least a bit. Bless you.
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As I read your piece, I felt very sorry for your loss, but at the same time, with every word that I read, I felt a sense of calm that I haven't felt in a long time. I also had a blighted ovum with my first pregnancy. The word "empty" echoed through my head as well, as if I had failed in some way. I felt as if my insides were empty. I then suffered a tremendous amount of pain delievering the placenta and sac, and subsequently hemmorhaged and had to be rushed to the E.R. My family and friends, and my husband tried to be there for me as much as I needed them, but there were also those who thought they were comforting when they said it wasn't like I "lost a child". There was nothing there. But there was to me. The time I took off work as a result of my miscarriage, was not understood by my coworkers, and in fact was questioned and frowned upon. I never felt so alone. I thought what your rabbi said was beautiful, and I will hold those words with me as I try for another child...
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I have had 4 miscarriages in a row in a matter of 11 months. Thank G-d, I have one beautiful little girl. I am completely lost and feel like I will most likely not have any more children. Your article was very touching and has definitely made me feel like I am not alone. This suffering is unbearable and I am trying very hard to see things in other perspectives. Thank you for sharing your story. I now feel that what i am going through is serving a bigger purpose. I only pray that G-d will bless me and my husband with more children.
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I've been pregnant for the second time and after 3 months I found I have an empty sac, but I still thought I was carring a baby, my baby.
Thank you so much for your article. It is really sad and i'm so sorry.
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Having just had a miscarriage I found this article to be a source of comfort to me. Somehow, knowing that I am not the only one in the world who went through such an ordeal, eases the pain slightly. In particular the comment made by Rabbi Ginsburgh really helped me deal with some of my pain, and shed some light on the possible reason for my predicament. Thank you for your essay Mrs.Crispe and I hope and pray that we should all be blessed with beautiful and healthy children who give us nothing but joy!
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I am going through the same thing right now, I also just went through the same thing back in May and it is not any easier now than it was back then. I do have one healthy boy who just turned 2, and am more grateful for him now than ever. This article related to me and it did help me to feel a little better and know that I was not alone. Thank you for posting this story.
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Thank you Mrs Crispe for sharing your story. I just lost a baby late in the second trimester and am going through a very difficult time- especially since we were not able to bury the baby in the proper way due to negligence of the hospital. Rabbi Ginsburgh's words to you have been very comforting to me. Thank you again.
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I am going through a similar situation right now. I was just told today that my sac is empty. I was going for my monthly check-up at 11 weeks and was expecting to hear a heart beat for the first time.
I too feel empty inside. A piece of me died today and I am not sure how I will go on. Luckily, I am blessed with a 2 1/2 yr old son who will keep me strong.
While I am not Jewish, Rabbi Ginsburgh's words struck a chord in my heart and have been the only conselation that I have had since being told that my baby is gone. Bless you and your family and Thank you for sharing your stroy.
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Wow, I can't believe what I am reading, it is exactly what I am thinking. It is great to know that I am not alone. I suffered a molar pregnancy in April. Everyone said I would get pregnant right away but now I am having all of these health problems and won't be able to even try for three more months. Then, it is not up to me when I will even get pregnant, not counting the fear of another molar pregnancy. This really helps me wait and heal both physically and emotionally.
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What an amazing article. I have miscarried 9 days ago. My husband and I had been married for 5 months when we were told that we might have problems conceiving. I was so shocked since it had never even occured to me that this might be a possibility. However, three weeks after that we found out we actually were pregnant. We were so happy and overwhelmed. It seemed like a miracle. 5 days later the cramping and bleeding started.
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I read this just days after my miscarriage at 11 weeks and I cannot tell you what comfort it gave me. I sat here at my computer reading your story that I related to all to well and sobbed--this story was so healing to me. I have been doing so well and I really felt that I had put the miscarriage behind me, but as I near what was supposed to be my due date--these terrible feelings of sadness and loss are beginning to surface. So here I sit at my computer sobbing, but I know that this will once again comfort my heart. The rabbi was such a wise man and what a wonderful reminder it is that my baby needed only a heart beat to complete his purpose in life. Thank you so much for sharing this.
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Like everyone else, your story has moved me to tears. I suffered a traumatic unexpected miscarriage a few days ago after three, Thank G-d, easy text book pregnacies. I thought this one was just like the rest, plain sailing and easy. It came as a tremendous shock to me when my body just could not hold on to the little person within. Though I have been grieving enormously, I have also gained tremendous insight and sensitivity into the miracle of pregnancy and childbirth. I have always tried to be sensitive towards friends who are struggling or have miscarried, now that sensitivity has been taken to a new dimension. While I will miss that little person all my life, I thank him or her for teaching me so much in his/her short time and do belive that this was indeed a Tsadik (righteous person) who's one and only mission was to bring me to this understanding. Life is so precious, children are so precious. NOTHING ELSE MATTERS!! Thank you Sara Esther for sharing your story.
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I went for an ultrasound yesterday at 11 weeks also assuming all was fine as I had had no indication otherwise. But, the ultrasound showed no fetus, just a growth of cells. I had also experience all the symptoms and questioned so much but after reading the article have found some comfort - thank you! I am on my way now for a D&C but am so grateful for this article which has put so much into perspective for me!!!
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You have made me realize that I am not completely alone in this.
My baby never developed but I still feel as if it had died in my arms...
I thank you from the bottom of my heart because now I know that there are others and that it is possible for me to bring love into this world.
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It is good to have others who know what it feels like to lose a pregnancy. I have a healthy 2 year old, but have lost 3 pregnancies in the span of 1 year. It is impossible to describe the pain I feel about these losses and the envy and anger I have toward others who can and do keep and birth their children. You have captured much of what I feel and I do believe that we who have gone through this can learn from each other and grieve together.
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I just found out several hours ago that my daughter is now going through a miscarriage...she had another one approximately a year ago. This one was called am 'empty sac' pregnancy...although something had once been there.
Your story, Sara, is so comforting. In time, my daughter will read it and it will comfort her, too. She does have other children, but each loss is the Loss of A Dream. I loved what your rabbi said SO MUCH... I am not Jewish but it goes along perfectly with what my family and I believe, too. Drew and Lori prayed and asked a little soul who wanted to be born to them and their family to come to them...and we all thought that had been fulfilled. This will probably be the hardest part for Lori to go through wondering WHY...and yet the story from your rabbi helps a lot. We are still only human & at this level and cannot understand fully what its all about ...but someday we will. I believe that. Thank you, precious Sara, for your story. May G-d bless you and your family.
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I had an IVF on October, I am 38 years old and finding out I was pregnant felt just like a miracle. I thanked G-d every day for the best gift ever. I had an U/S at 7 weeks and could not see or hear the baby but my doctor explained it was still early b/c it was really 5 weeks ince the embryo transfer. I was so sure everything was fine, I was blessed with no nausea or bad symptoms. Then a day after my birthday I was bleeding, I could only beg G-d that this was nothing. The doctor did an U/S and told us I had an empty sac. I did not even know what that was. He send me home with little hope, but some. The next day I had to go to the ER, my body was ending the pregnancy in the worst pain I have ever felt. All of this just happened this weekend and the sadness is killing me. I have found absolutely no comfort in anything, until I read your story. Somehow I feel that what you say it's true and that just makes me feel just a little bit better. Thank you.
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I am so sorry to hear of this loss and you will move on, really. No one can feel exactly what you do, but the sun really does come up every day, so you can count on that. Do one thing for sure. Grieve. It's so important and when you keep it in and remain too stoic, you won't ever really get through it. Take good care of yourself, okay?
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I feel so sad for you as I went through 7 miscarriages myself and know exactly how you feel. The unbearable pain is something that nobody can take it away. The doctor finally performed a blood test on me for MTHFR and found that I have it and so it may be my problem as to why I am miscarrying. G-d bless you and good luck.
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Your story was very comforting to hear that I too am not alone. It has been exactly 1 year ago this month that I was told it was I had an empty sac when I went for my ultra sound,excited and then saddened. Your story has given me courage and hope as we keep trying to conceive our miracle. Take care of yourself -Thanks so much for making me see this situation in a new perspective.
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Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am currently undergoing a miscarriage and the truth is that I shared many of the thoughs you had before, and "during" the process..... Therefore, your story provided me with hope, since one of my biggest fears is to not be able to have more children, and with comfort, since I can see that I am not alone, and that my thoughts are not plain crazy.... I hope tonight I get to sleep better.....thanks!!!
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It is good to know I am not alone. I felt the same way after finding out my sac was empty. I thought I was all alone. I didn't leave my house for a long time. Thanks for telling your story because I thought something was wrong because we haven't gotten pregnant yet and it has been over 4 months since our lost.
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My daughter in law has lost 2 pregnancies half way through and I have mourned both for a long time and still do. I do however believe that their nashomas, souls, did not need to come to birth and that has been a great comfort to me althought the pain is still there even today. Baruch Hashem, Thank G-d, we have 2 beautiful grandchildren and we thank Him daily for them. May Hashem continue to bless you and your family.
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What a beautiful point of view. I am leaving my house in a few minutes to pick up the cremated remains of my 16 week old fetus. My baby died when I was 16 1/2 weeks pregnant. I had to have surgery and was so happy to have the option to have my baby's remains returned to me. I was searching for prayers this morning and found this site and am truly touched by your sharing this story with us. We are not alone - there is comfort in knowing that - and time will make the wound hurt less. I will always miss this baby that never got a chance at life - I wish the best for all of us going through this difficult time
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Thank you so much for sharing your story. I have 5 beautiful children. I have also suffered the loss of a twin (blighted ovum) and am currently suffering the 2nd of 2 miscarriages. The hormone dip is really hard to get thru. But each time, my walk with G-d is closer and He continues to work in our family. May G-d bless you and keep you...
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You word everything so perfect!!!
I went through the same situation at twenty. today was suppose to be my "due date" and it's killing me! I loved how you said that your husband could sympathize but couldn't empathize. I'm not married but I am still dating the guy who was supposed to be the father of my child. I wish he could understand how empty and ummm upset I feel.
I'm twenty-one years old and not ready for a baby, but I wish i had someone who could hear me out! twenty-one sure but its eating me inside! Why couldn't i have this baby! I'd love to talk about this with someone but my parents never found out about this and my sister kind of just ignores it and my boyfriend asked me to drop it. So I did... Till today!
I read your article and wanted to let you know that it was BRILLIANT! Every sentence was worded perfectly! I just wanted to say thank you i guess. I'll mourn it for today, but will have to move on for my own sake. I will have my baby when it's meant to be! :)
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my wife just got the same thing said to her and i dont know what to say or do to make her feel better i am truly sorry for women going through this in there life
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