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Love Yourself


By Yanki Tauber

Ok, here's the problem: I'm supposed to love my fellow man. Which means that I should accept my fellow human beings as they are. (That's what love means, right?) But can I -- indeed, should I -- accept my fellow human beings as they are?

Should I accept a malnourished child as she is? Should I accept a drug-addicted teenager, a suicidal spouse or a bigoted friend as he is? If a person I love suffers a lack of something -- whether that something is food, money, knowledge, health, moral integrity or peace of mind -- and whether that person wants to be helped or not -- should I not do everything in my power to fill that lack?

Love is an oxymoron. To truly love someone I have to do two contradictory things: I have to respect him and I have to care for him. If I do not accept him as he is, that means that I do not respect him. It means that I don't really love him -- I love only what I wish to make of him. But to love someone also means that I care for him and desire the best for him. And since very, very few people are the best that they can be, caring for someone means not accepting him as he is, but believing in his potential to be better and doing everything I can to reveal that potential.

I can respect someone. I can care for someone. I can accept a person as s/he is. I can not accept a person as s/he is. But I can't do both at the same time. Love sounds great in principle. In practice, it's impossible.

But I love myself. I'm not unaware of my deficiencies -- indeed, in a certain sense, I am more aware of them than anyone else. I want to improve myself, but I don't think less of myself because I haven't yet done so. I respect myself and I care for myself; I accept myself as I am, while incessantly striving to make myself better than I am. I love myself -- truly, fully, in every sense of the word.

The fact that such love is a logical paradox is irrelevant. It may be impossible to do two opposite things at the same time, but billions of people, myself included, do exactly that. I love myself regardless of whether this love makes sense, regardless of the inherent contradiction it embodies.

That's why the Torah tells us to "Love your fellow as yourself." If you find it impossible to love your fellow -- to both respect him and care for him, to be deeply concerned about his faults and be completely unmindful of them at the same time -- think for a minute about how you love yourself.

Then love your fellow as you love yourself.
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By Yanki Tauber   More articles...  |   RSS Listing of Newest Articles by this Author
By Yanki Tauber; based on the teachings of the Rebbe.
About the artist: Sarah Kranz has been illustrating magazines, webzines and books (including five children’s books) since graduating from the Istituto Europeo di Design, Milan, in 1996. Her clients have included The New York Times and Money Marketing Magazine of London

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Latest Comments:
Posted: Mar 18, 2011
loving self others
There is always an element of self sacrifice involved in loving those in need. Sometimes we are faced with difficult decisions as to who to love, how and when. There are only a given number of hours to the day. Without self care, nourishment, rest and time out for reflection the caregiver his/herself may become the one in need of care. If I am not for myself then who will be for me. The words of Hillel ring true throughout the centuries. Take time out to love and sustain the one made in the image of G-d; you.
Posted By paul caruso, N.Y., N.Y.

Posted: Aug 14, 2010
Parallelism
If you genuinely love yourself then others shall reflect the same.
Posted By Anonymous, Melb, AU

Posted: Dec 14, 2009
Love
Loves meaning is life's secret. Once we discover and understand the meaning of love without rationalizing it, we can extend it to everyone and everything. This is when we will create harmony in our personal life and harmony with all that surrands us. This is I believe Rabbi Akiva and Hillel meant when the said. " The essence of Torah is love" and everything else is commentary.
Posted By Anna, Maple, Canada
via chabadrc.org

Posted: Apr 30, 2009
love one self
Ask The Father to teach you what it is that He loves about you and you will grow to love yourself when you see yourself the way He does. You can't love anyone else if you don't love yourself.
Posted By Natalia, Pretoria, SA

Posted: May 2, 2008
Love is acceptance of reality ( Logic of Love )
The natural flow of love is 1)Love God, 2)Love your self and 3) then love you neighbor..

What do I mean by that? The idea of God will be come our point of reference and our ultimate destination to excell our human condition. God is all Perfection.

Then we need to know who we really are that is to acknowlegde our imperfect reality. Then, the choice we have is to accept that reality with our positive and no so positive things. The more we know ourself the more opportunity we have to practice love in us by getting or learning those things that we're missing to become as perfect as God. We'll never be God but we can certainly always grow more perfection in us.

And then, as a result of loving us and automatically and sometimes unconsciously we love our neighbors in the same way. We accept them the way they are, and we help them to grow perfection in them. Sometime we help them directly or sometimes just be setting the exemple. That's it. That clear.That simple.
Posted By Edgar, Harligen, TX

Posted: May 2, 2008
My question is, how am I suppose to love the other, if I don't really love myself that much?
Posted By Anonymous

Posted: May 1, 2008
more love
A malnourished child or a drog addicted teen, a depressed grown-up are not primarily these things. They are the persons and individuals they have been, but that are in a "bad period" or "bad state". To help them out, back to themselves is to show both respect and love. To not help is most probably fear as I see it, of failing, of losing, of not being able to be enough. But fear does not exempt love, not for oneself nore others.
Love for me is when two people motivate each other or the other to be better, to do god and to develop.
Posted By Eliora, CPH

Posted: Apr 30, 2008
Love IS logical
I propose an alternate way of looking at love.

If I love someone, what am I loving? Am I loving his self-concept? his condition? His story? His ego? His misdeeds? His problems? Or am I loving who he really IS, which is a manifestation of G-d? Isn't that the core of that person? Isn't that my own core as well?

If I truly love myself (rather than the stories I have adopted about myself( then I will notice when I submit to those stories and will endeavor to become more fully myself, ie, more fully a manifestation of G-d-- rather than a manifestation of my illusory ego, which tries to fool me into thinking that IT is myself.

I may love others in this same way, without loving their misbehavior or problems. Who they ARE differs from any of these. Who they ARE is a manifestation of G-d, and if I can see past the illusions, both of their egos and of their errors, into that beautiful Self they truly are--if I can truly see who they truly ARE, that is love.
Posted By Abigail

Posted: Apr 30, 2008
Love
Does love imply understanding? Can you love what you do not understand, yet find beautiful beyond words? Or hope that with love comes understanding (with objects/concepts/people?) On the other hand, do we tend to hate/fear what we cannot understand?
With love,
Posted By Valerie
via chabaddayton.com

Posted: Apr 30, 2008
Obviously
Not everyone loves themselves.
Posted By Moishe



 


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