Inner Stream
Moses' Anger Management Technique

Have you ever noticed that it takes years to gain maturity and only moments to discard it? I have witnessed grown men and women regress into childlike behavior because when thrust into an argument. Barbs are exchanged, passions rise, and before you know it otherwise balanced adults carry on like children. Why? Because they were offended by something someone said.

Such behavior is easy to criticize when witnessed from the outside, but deep down we know that we're all susceptible. We each have vulnerabilities that we don't want exposed. When these sensitivities are probed, our response is intense and unrestrained. Emotional reactions are easily triggered, but nearly impossible to control. Yet, the Torah demands precisely that.

Moses

Moses was exemplary of such inner discipline. Leaders are rarely without detractors and, in that regard, Moses was not different. Of his detractors, two stood out as intractable enemies, Datan and Abiram.

From the very beginning, these two men were the bane of Moses' existence. As a young prince, growing up in Pharaoh's palace, these two Jews betrayed him before the king, forcing Moses to flee the country.1 When Moses introduced the heavenly manna to Israelites in the desert, these two men stirred up trouble by challenging the rules under which the Manna was offered.2

These two men utilized every opportunity to challenge Moses' authority. When they joined Korach's rebellion against Moses it was hardly a surprise.

Yet we learn that Moses, in an incredible display of humility and self discipline, invited Datan and Abiram to dialogue with him. When they mocked him and refused his invitation, Moses refused to take offense. He saw that they would not come to him, so he humbly went to them.3

Moses, the leader of Israel, repeatedly challenged, had every right to cast them out and punish them, but he wouldn't hear of it. How did he manage such discipline? What is the magic potion that counters the rise of the ego and enables such incredible self effacement?

Anger and Faith

The truth is that there is no magic potion. It was not a pill that Moses took, but the perspective he brought to his interactions with others.

Our sages equated anger with the cardinal sin of idolatry.4 Moses must have reflected that if the sin of anger is so grievous as to be equated with idolatry, and if we are required to sacrifice our lives to avoid idol worship, we are surely required to rein in our ego and control our tempers to avoid anger.

It remains to us to explain the connection is between anger and idolatry. What is the connection?

The Master Plan

Divine providence is a central tenet of our faith. We believe in a personal G‑d, who guides the universe and who is intimately engaged in every facet of our lives. He knows if we are happy or sad, healthy or ill, wealthy or poor. He not only knows it, but actually orchestrates it.

We would not be poor if G‑d did not will it, nor would we be wealthy if G‑d did not will it. The doctrine of divine providence posits that G‑d is the root cause for all, even the insignificant, details of our lives.

Everything works in accordance with his grand design; nothing is coincidental. G‑d determines whether I will catch the green light on my way home from work, or stub my toe on that obtrusive dresser corner in my bedroom. Every event involves a deliberate decision on the part of the Creator, because every decision affects the overall scheme of history and even creation

A Divine Affair

If I accept that every occurrence is deliberately planned and executed by G‑d, then there is no difference in this regard between stubbing my own toe or being hurt or offended by another. Neither could happen if G‑d had not willed it. And if he willed it, who am I to object or take offense?

I know what you're thinking, "Rabbi, what about free choice? Didn't the person who hurt me choose to hurt me? Are you saying that G‑d forced him to slight me or to take a slug at me? Is he not accountable for his actions? Did G‑d force him to hurt me?"

You're right. Your fellow was not forced to hurt you--he chose to hurt you. But he wouldn't have succeeded had G‑d not first determined that (for some reason, not necessarily related to you, but related to the divine master plan linked to the cosmos and to creation) you were meant to be hurt today.

Your fellow did not have to be the executor of G‑d's plan. His choice to hurt you was sinful and for that he will have to offer an accounting before G‑d. But that is between him and G‑d, it is neither your affair or your concern. You have no cause to be upset with him over that. Your concern is that you were hurt today. Don't blame your fellow; if anything, blame G‑d.

If you blame your fellow and grow angry with him, you deny the divine origin of your pain. You banish G‑d from this occurrence and declare that he had no hand in it. We believe that G‑d is omnipresent and cannot be banished from any time or space. Banishing G‑d from what transpired is, in a word, heresy. It is tantamount to idolatry, which is why our sages equated the two.5

We now see why Moses never grew angry over Datan and Abiram's audacity. He was disheartened by their taunts, but he took comfort in the knowledge that his distress served a heavenly cause by aiding the divine master plan. As to Datan and Abiram's insolence, well Moses never took that personally. That was between them and G‑d. For them, Moses felt only compassion.