In Search of Balance

Sara and Barry lead a fulfilling life as the proud parents of two young children. Sara has cut back on her work hours to spend more quality time with them, but she, like Barry, still enjoys a rewarding career. Barry is a considerate husband who helps out at home and takes over whenever Sara needs a break. Both husband and wife take pride in giving of their time and expertise to communal projects, enjoy spending time with their extended family, and are the first to extend any necessary assistance to their aging parents.

Sara is content with the fullness of her life. She wouldn’t want it any other way.

But no matter how fulfilled she feels, there is a perpetual quest for something just beyond her grasp: her relentless search to find "balance" in her life.

In fact, the more that Sara speaks to her female friends, the more she discovers so many of them pursuing this elusive "balance." The women she knows, more so than the men, seem to be seeking a unity, a state of equilibrium and harmony between so many tugging influences.

They search for a balance that will draw the many facets of their lives inward.

Sara wonders about this feminine need for "balance."

Six days shall work be done. But the seventh day is a sabbath of solemn rest, a calling of holiness, you shall do no work: it is a sabbath to G-d in all your dwellings.... (Leviticus 23:3)

Kabbalah explains that creation came about through the means of various sefirot, a progression of Divine channels affecting creation. Each sefirah is defined by a unique characteristic with which it imbues creation. The sefirah of chochmah, wisdom, contains the attribute of intelligence. The sefirah of chesed, kindness, brings mercy and the element of giving into creation. In contrast, the sefirah of gevurah, might, introduces restriction, and so forth with all the remaining sefirot.

The six emotive sefirot (chesed, gevurah, tiferet, netzach, hod and yesod) represent the six basic directions of the three-dimensional physical universe: north-south, east-west, and up-down. They represent the fundamental modes of reaching out to the six directions of creation.

These sefirot are referred to as the masculine sefirot because they are directed outward.

But these six outward bound directions could not exist without a center point. Malchut, the final sefirah, is the axis or focal point at the center of the six directions. It reflects an inward look and represents how we integrate spiritual illumination into ourselves.

Malchut is referred to as the feminine sefirah.

The six days of the week, from Sunday until Friday, represent these six directions pointing outward and are masculine. The Shabbat, on the other hand, which is feminine, is the center point that draws all six points together.

All week long in our struggle to gain spirituality, we are in male mode.

Throughout these six days, we dominate and exert influence over our surroundings. We are in a constant state of conflict, choosing between those elements of our world that we are to embrace and develop and those that must be rejected and overpowered.

The Torah helps us distinguish between that which can be positively harnessed and that which must be rejected. It guides us as to which foods, materials, items and relationships energize our being and sanctify our lives, and those which deaden our spiritual sensitivities and coarsen or debase our hearts and minds.

During the six weekdays, we operate in a masculine mode of conquest and assault, in a state of restlessness.

But every Shabbat we enter afresh into a spiraling cycle of harmony, serenity and peace. After having asserted ourselves and having accomplished our goals during the weekdays, we take a respite from our battles.

On Shabbat, we refrain from the selection and suppression process altogether as we enter into a feminine mode within ourselves and within creation, a state of harmony, peacefulness, restfulness and receptivity. For this reason, Shabbat is always referred to in the feminine, as in Shabbat hamalkah, "the Shabbat queen," or kallah, "bride."

Women, as the paradigm for the unifying sefirah of malchut and the harmonizing day of Shabbat, feel a stronger need to seek and bring this unification and "balance" into their lives.

Shabbat is the source of blessing both for the week that preceded it as well as the one that follows.

Similarly, a woman is the source of blessing for her husband and home. As our Sages declared, "A man receives blessings only through the merit of his wife," and "Joy, blessing, goodness, Torah and protection come from the wife."

This is because though you can have an abundance of blessing in your life, it isn’t really yours until you are able to stop, appreciate and absorb its goodness.

On Shabbat, we can finally absorb the blessing of our previous week’s toil as well as invigorate ourselves to continue on in the new journey awaiting us in the oncoming weekly cycle. We give meaning to the past while we renew our energies for the coming workweek.

Because Shabbat exemplifies the feminine mode and experience, it is the woman who has been entrusted with lighting the candles to usher in this holy day. Even "if the husband wants to kindle the candles himself, his wife takes precedence." For the essence of the woman’s being is in harmony with the essential message of Shabbat.

For the same reason, it is preferable for a man to recite the havdalah prayer at the conclusion of the Shabbat, ushering in the weekday work. The man, who epitomizes the struggle and the battle of the weekday cycle, ends the Shabbat experience as he separates it--havdalah meaning "separation"-- from the weekday's work.

The man bids good-bye to the Shabbat as he brings in the masculine weekday, through his recital of the havdalah service; and it is the woman who ushers in the feminine Shabbat by kindling and blessing its candles.

And in so doing, the woman brings the blessings, harmony and balance of the Shabbat day into her own life and into the lives of those around her.