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I was listening to a radio discussion about bullying. According to the presenter, the data suggests that there is a correlation between being bullied as a child and growing up to be a bully oneself. People were calling in to tell of their experiences of being picked on in the schoolyard, and whether they felt that their early experiences had impacted their later life. It was a fascinating and thought-provoking discussion.
Parenthetically, one guy admitted that he had been a bully as a child. He told a few stories of how he used to terrorize his playmates, and how he’d slowly come to realize how wrong his behavior had been. He sounded justly proud that he no longer felt the desire to persecute innocent victims.
I was actually quite impressed with him, until he let slip that he was currently employed as a parking inspector. I guess some things never change.
Or do they? Can one truly break away from the evil that others did, and resolve to act with generosity and understanding to others? Are we condemned to blindly repeat our childish experiences, without hope or recourse for a better future, or can we exercise free choice? How terrifying a prospect that the ordeals of one’s past should determine one’s future behavior towards others. How can a victim ensure not to become a perpetrator?
Breaking Free
The Jews in Egypt were slaves. They were the victims of decades of brutality and lifetimes of indignity. They were defeated and demoralized, and a steady diet of cruelty was their daily lot. Suddenly, Moses and Aaron appeared, bearing the promise of freedom and free will. They were soon to be released from their servitude, and would be able to act in any way they chose. Would they have the emotional strength to move on from the hardships of their past, or would they treat others as they themselves had been treated?
“So the L‑rd spoke to Moses and to Aaron, and He commanded them concerning the children of Israel.”1 The Jerusalem Talmud2 explains that this first commandment the children of Israel received from G‑d was the directive that a Jewish slave is to be freed within six years.
On the face of it, this seems so incongruous. Of all the mitzvahs in the Torah, was this the most important instruction that Moses and Aaron needed to share at this juncture? Surely there were more weighty matters to introduce to their attention. What a time to instruct them about the care and treatment of their servants—when they were still slaves themselves!
The commentators explain that the reason a Jew has no right to enslave his fellow in perpetuity is because G‑d alone is our Master, and we can belong to no one other than Him. Even in the rare circumstances where a man sells his services, submitting himself to the authority of another, that power is temporary and must be exercised with caution.
By introducing this commandment while they were still enslaved, G‑d was showing the Jews a way to break out of the cycle of violence and intimidation that is the usual lot of those who were once misused. Even in the dark times, they were reminded that everything comes from G‑d, and that He is the source of all. By connecting themselves with a higher power, they managed to overcome their bitterness, and substitute kindness for cruelty.
Even those most abused can have the ability to overcome. By connecting oneself to G‑d and surrendering to His mission, one undergoes an exodus from the cruelty of his past, and is given a chance to enjoy his own personal redemption.
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Latest Comments:
I do. I understand what people are saying, Encripted Jew, Sientje, and Anonymous.
It has been centuries, meaning years by the thousands, and people continue to bully each other. So yes, everyone is right, and I also deeply believe that arrogance, the need to feel better than the other, is key. If we could all stand together, outside, look up at the stars, and really feel how small we are and how great this is, this miracle of being, this miracle of a seeming endless universe, then maybe we'd hold hands together and get down on our knees together, and weep.
For such is joy.
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How likely is it to become a bully, when one is clothe in humility. So if one looks to the one who is our Creator, then the fear of Him,and His commandment "love your neighbour as yourself" would it not stop us from becoming bullies, or is there such as certain people do not have any fear of the Lord G-d and become natural bullies?
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What a reflection. I´m still assimilating and thinking...
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What you describe is accurate. As an optimist you see the possibilities of ending the madness. As a skeptic i only see the bullying which started with Cain and Abel - brothers, siblings, family of Adam and Eve. Bullying was wrong then. How many centuries have passed and the problem has only become ever more severe as in suicides, and in so many more forms as in technology. Number one, we are not born into equal opportunity. Hence rivalry. Number two, it is impossible to be born into equal opportunity. Hence rivalry. Rivalry is a nice word for bullying because inevitably push comes to shove.
I wish it could be like you foresee. That's a genuine wish. How to get there is beyond me. It will take a Miracle. I don't rule That out.
Good Shabbos all ! If we could ever get all the attendees at Shabbat services the world over to be for love alone, for just one day, that would be dayenu, and at least a start.
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We are on the brink, the entrance to a new world of perception, that ALL is G_d, the depths of this.
As the ice is melting in the Arctic, so it could be, a vast metpahor, is moving us all forward, into a new era of understanding, of compassion, a new and vital way of being.
You are right about the Jews being bullied. And strangely, BULL is the symbol for Aleph, the earliest letter, the Aleph is the depiction of the bull.
A life has this most bipolar aspect, as we can do good, and we can do bad, we can use words for good, and for evil purposes. We need, all of us, certainly others, who could be brothers and sisters, to work to eliminate bullying for once and for all, in all arenas where people are being put down.
There is a massive story, contained by the aleph bet, that will bring us all HOME. And it is evidenced in all walks of life, the roads we travel, meaning the entire world.
to get me, seems to be very difficult but once seen, the world does change, for better. BET.
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There is no answer to stopping bullying altogether. You plug a dyke here, and another crack appears.
Until the planet reaches what will be known as The Messianic Age, all solutions will fail. For every bully that changes , a new comes on stream.
Why the pessimism ? Let me change the discussion slightly. When will Anti-Semitism disappear ? When will Anti-Zionism disappear ? These are blatant forms of bullying. And i would add, only the tip of the iceberg on the whole issue. Why i alter the subject is because Jews have been bullied throughout history and it still exists, and shows no sign of disappearing.
So answer me on those two microcosms, before taking the subject further. What is up with those Haredi bullies ? They are one of us. That it is over-reported to sell newspapers may be true. It is beside the point. As is so usual, even if you solve bullyism in your own ranks, it returns soon enough.
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I noticed that you said "I was actually quite impressed with him, until he let slip that he was currently employed as a parking inspector. I guess some things never change." The Torah says to judge people favorably. Just because when this man was young he was a bully, doesn't mean that he is abusing his power of a ticket inspecter. Let's please remember to judge others favorably and Moshiach will come speedily in our days.
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You make a good point when you say "heal with the help of friends/professionals".
I don't think this contradicts the article as you implied.
Since it would certainly be encouraged to use others if it was ultimately to help "connect oneself to G‑d and surrender to His mission" thereby following his command to help "one undergo an exodus from the cruelty of his past".
It would work in reverse too, whereby once you seek to connect yourself to G-d and recognise his mission, it may encourage you at that point to actually seek help from friends and professionals so as to fully overcome the cruelty of ones past.
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"By connecting oneself to G‑d and surrendering to His mission, one undergoes an exodus from the cruelty of his past"
to properly heal from the emotional wounds of your past you can't just put yourself into G-d and trust that your wounds will magically heal.That is equivalent to telling someone who has a broken bone to just connect yourself to G-d and trust that your bone will heal. You need to see a doctor. Same thing goes with emotional wounds a person needs to first take a hard look at himself and heal with the help of friends/professionals.
To tell him the way to heal is to surrender yourself more to G-d, is just dismissive of his wounds, and will only cause more pain in the long run. Only after a person pays proper attention to himself and his injuries can he then focus his attention on G-d's mission.
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This is a topic on the agenda right now for a lot of schools and concerned teachers and parents. There were recent suicides due to internet bullying that hit the local papers. Probably we can all recall such instances from our own childhood if not personal, involving others. Sometimes it seems scapegoats are needed for some children and others even as they age to feel better about themselves, a kind of group power trip.
I think since as you point out, it's ALL G_d, then we are still expected to work towards the positive, and to realize that bullying can be deeply sensitizing, and can create people who work to stop cruelty of all kinds, but can also work in opposite directions.
Many who work in prisons are bullies, and this is well documented. To examine the histories of these people will probably show they never felt empowered or were themselves,neglected or otherwise mistreated.
A vicious cycle is created. We need to work this through by educating. Creative outlets for self worth.
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