Is it the money or the man, the cash or the kids? Of course, no one would ever admit to putting money ahead of their children; but is it not an all too common phenomenon? Aren't most parents, even good parents, guilty of making that mistake now and then?
In this week's Parshah the Jewish People are preparing for the conquest of
Canaan and the allotment of the Promised Land amongst the twelve tribes of
Israel, when the tribes of Reuben and Gad make a special request of Moses.
They had abundant herds of livestock and the land east of the Jordan River
was especially suitable for grazing. They asked Moses if they could receive this
land rather than land west of the Jordan. In making this request they expressed
themselves thus: "Pens for the flock we shall build here for our livestock, and
cities for our small children."
Immediately, Moses chastises them and corrects their mistake. "Build for
yourselves cities for your small children and pens for your flock." Moses turns
around their sequence, putting the children ahead of the animals.
Rashi observes that these tribes were more concerned about their money, i.e.
livestock, than they were about their sons and daughters. Moses needed to give
them a lesson in values and priorities. Put family first. Possessions come
later.
The veteran American spiritual leader, Rabbi David Hollander, once told me
the story of a fellow who somehow managed to get himself locked in inside a big
department store after they closed up for the day. To compound the problem, it
was over a holiday weekend. When all his attempts to get out proved futile, he
decided to give vent to his frustrations by taking revenge on the store
management. He spent the time of his incarceration swapping price tags on the
merchandise. The result? A mink coat was now priced at $29.99, a necktie at
$999.00. Furniture was going for the price of peanuts, the latest hi-fi for a
song, and a set of underwear was absolutely unaffordable! Imagine the chaos when
the store reopened.
The question is, are our own price tags correctly marked? Do we value the
things in our own lives correctly? Are our priorities in order? Or do we too put
the cattle and the sheep -- the car and the office -- ahead of our children?
How many workaholic husbands have told their wives, "Honey, I'm doing it all
for you and the kids." But the businesses we are busy building for them
actually take us away from them in the most important and formative years
of their lives. Rightly has it been said, "the best thing you can spend on your
kids is not money but time."
I've seen many people become "successes" over the years. They achieve
professional success, career success, business success, growing their fame and
fortunes. Too many in the process have become family failures. At the end of the
day, our deepest satisfaction in life comes not from our professional
achievements but from our family -- the growth, stability and togetherness that
we have nurtured over the years -- what our Jewish parents and grandparents
simply called nachas.
To paraphrase the sixth Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi Yosef Yitzchak Schneersohn,
"Jewish wealth is not measured in property portfolios or stocks and bonds; true
Jewish wealth is being blessed with children who walk in the ways of G-d." For
that, we need to be there for them and with them.
A congregant of mine once walked up to me and proclaimed, "Rabbi, I am a
millionaire!" I knew the man to be of modest financial means but he immediately
explained, "I'm a millionaire in nachas!"
Amen. I wish it upon all of us.
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