It says that G‑d forgives those who forgive others. What does the Torah teach us about how to get rid of resentments, and start forgiving those who have hurt us?
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Usually I can't concentrate unless I am in the presence of the speaker. Today I didn't have my car and was stuck at home so I sat down and played this and was rapt the whole way through. I can't believe she spoke for an hour without needing notes. Too funny, I do live in the same city as the rebbitzen but didn't hear about this lecture, so thank you chabad.org for streaming it and including it in your emailed newsletter which I look forward to every week.
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Can forgiving someone and getting rid of the anger be enough or does it mean that you have to allow the person back into your life? If you forgive without an apology from the person it is possible to get rid of your anger. But without the person admitting or not being sorry it will continue to happen. Are we supposed to allow them to continue the hurtful thing and keep forgiving or can we get rid of the grude and anger and keep a distance until or if the person admits what they have done?
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The premise is what does the Torah teach us in terms of how to get rid of a grudge and forgive. The analogy is made to Joseph forgiving his brothers. How can most of us relate to that story? Joseph became the second most powerful man in Egypt, living in the lap of luxury. We don't know if he would have been so forgiving had he been left in the dungeon. Also, in Gen 45:5-8, Joseph tells his brothers it's not their fault, it was G-d's plan or fate. In light of this, it makes a more interesting story to discuss whether or not those who have wronged us are truly responsible.
That aside, how can we rid ourselves of a grudge? The video says,Push it out of your head'. Does that work for you? Isn't that repression? My experience is that gives the ill feeling renewed strength. It will find a way to manifest itself. Rather than chasing it away, recognize what need is going unmet. Probably a desire for respect and justice. Can you a find legitimate way to get that need met?
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I forgave them, I told them I loved them, but I can not forget. I tried to sympathize, but I feel hypocrite, since they are behaving as usual. I stopped all contact with them.........Two of my step-sisters.
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Every night as I say the Bedtime Shema I pray the prayer to forgive everyone. At first it was difficult and seemed foolish and insincere. However, as I kept up, the words coming out of my mouth finally started to become a reality in my mind and heart until I was able to forgive with sincerity. As I began to forgive the bitterness slowly began to leave. I had to ask G-d for tremendous help there. The Bedtime Shema is ideal to keep our forgiveness current and to do it before bitterness sets in.
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I have found that when in difficulty with
letting go and moving on ....
I need to step back further before
going ahead and I use words such
as :
I am willing to learn how to be willing
to forgive.
Once I take this step backword, which
aligns my words with the reality of
my situation, then the block comes off,
and I start to be able to process what
is stuck inside me and deal with it bit
by bit - and learn how to move on
in greater strength than before.
There is a Healer in the U.K. who is
including me in his healing prayers
every day and at 9 PM I also sit every night
and pray that all those who are
suffering like me are helped and healed
as I do not wish anyone to suffer like that
any where.
This is bringing me a measure of peace.
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I was abused when I was a child. The best thing to do for me was to forgive, surrender it to Hashem, and forget, bury it. As for this man who molested the 9 years old child, he is in jail. He will pay for his abuses. His inmates will probably do the same thing he did to this child. I would suggest to surrender your pain to Hashem and He will heal your heart and mind. There is nothing you can do now, what is done is done. Seek for Hashem, Blessed be He. He healed me. It is very hard to understand, but it is not G-d's doing is human beings who do these horrendous things to others. Hold on to the Almighty. May Hashem bless you and deliver you and yours from this trauma.
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I just love you Rebbetzin Plotkin! As usual, you're words of wisdom and encouragement always are extraordinarily healing, as well as empowering, and came at a pivotal time for me. Although I wish I had the opportunity to learn from you in person, thank G-d for this wonderful Internet medium, which provides all of us the access and opportunity to learn from you!
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There are stages of healing that take place before forgiving the unforgivable.
All of these steps need to be identified and followed first.
Forgiving does not mean that you accept what the person did. It means that
you wish to find the means to let go of negative emotions and move on.
You do not allow the victimizer to vicitimze your family twice, that way.
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I am very sad because my husband leave us to our fate, however he hurts so deep that my 2 little sons and me are with psycologist we are affected for this situation, and when I pray to Hashem It´s hard for me to forgive him, please how to heal our soul?
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