A practical look at how to forgive people -- especially those closest to us -- after they have caused us harm.
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Without going through a lot of explanations, I've been physically attacked twice in the past year by people who misinterpreted something I did. When they asked for forgiveness all I could do was open my arms to give them a real hug. It never occurred to me to hold a grudge.
Hashem forgives us on a regular basis, how can any Jew not forgive another person when they ask for forgiveness? I'd already forgiven them; I didn't know what I had done that triggered their temper.
A major bank DESTROYED my life's savings. I'm 71, can I start all over again? You bet I can.Millions of others are in my situation, but I'm just going to take my accumulated skills and open my own company and start from scratch. Frankly, I'm going to have FUN. Retirement and I don't get along too well. No weekends, holidays, vacations...feh, I may not recover all of what I've lost, so what? I am NOT going to stay angry as I've seen so many others do. With Hashem's help, I cannot fail.
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it seems that it maybe ok to forgive mny things, but if someone diliberity does something to ruin you financially. If they absolutely know that it would kill you emotionally to do it, it is much more difficult. If it is an accident or non intentional, I can see it being easy to forgive but when it has been discussed and still they do it. I wonder if is spiritually a bad thing to leave that person. I find it easier to forgive if they aren't in your face all the time. Is that acceptable
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On the topic of forgiveness, one very important verse in Tehillim 51 is where David seeks G-d's forgiveness for murder and he says "Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil from your perspective; so that you are right in accusing me and justified in passing sentence." I meditated on this over and over when I needed to forgive my husband for adultery. Your idea that when we begin to forgive someone, we realize that we too need to be forgiven. The hurt is so deep, yet I can stand knowing that the sin is not against me, but against G-d. He shares the hurt.
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To Antonio, September 9th, 2011: The Bible teaches that God tells us 'Vengeance is Mine, I will repay'. If we retaliate then we are just like the rest of the world because it's either forgive or retaliate - or we take the hate or hurt inside and become sick mentally or physically from it. God does take vengeance and while people call it Karma today, it is actually a Biblical principle of reaping what we have sown.
They say it is human nature to retaliate, and yet there is always pay back for that too that is negative.
Thank you to Rabbi Freeman for this important lesson.
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As usual,Rabbi.Freeman has put together another great lesson. I really appreciate Chabad for your continued teachings and your devotion to bring such excellent studies to your members. I tell everyone about this site .I just wanted to say to each Rabbi,co-worker and everyone there, I thank G-D for each and everyone of you. G-d Bless you all.
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I find it very difficult to forgive others for hurting me. Sometimes the hurt is so great that I want to get revenge on the other person.
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I wish I could get it down to a simple 5-step system. It's just so much more complicated than that. People are complicated.
It's something like learning to play in a band: learning not only your instrument, but to listen carefully to the other instruments as well, so that you can play together in harmony.
Nevertheless, the five points you have detailed are certainly major, if not THE major points. Just not necessarily in that order.
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Thank you Rabbi Freeman for such a practical and straight-forward teaching on how to forgive. I was wondering if you could help correct what I wrote down for the five points/steps you explained. I wasn't sure on point #5 especially. Please correct where I am wrong. Thank you.
1) Go to the person and talk to them.
2) Don't do say or do anything out of vengeance. Don't even think about it.
3) Ask "Who am I?" Make yourself smaller; don't think too much of yourself.
4) Forgive the person and forgive what the person did.
5) Bring compassion into your heart for the other person.
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Dear Rabbi Freeman:
You have a great facility for communicating your ideas in a lofty and practical way. Your easy-going manner is refreshing and familiar to a gentile like me. Please forgive me but can you include self-forgiveness as the focus for your next lecture. Thank-you.
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I have been hurt by many people during my life, and believe that also I have hurt others one way or another. I learned to forgive, and forget the past.
But there are some people who I have forgiven, but cannot have a relationship with them because of their choices in life. I have chosen the path set for me by my Creator, and He is all knowing, Eternal, and Merciful. May He deal with our relationship for our sake and Heaven sake. I surrendered it all!
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