The Lost Art of Forgiveness

A trusted person who sexually abused children (catholic priests, Coach Sandusky at Penn State) is certainly more evil than someone who just tells a white lie. So therefore, the response is also different to the crime. However, trying to get past it and forgive, one must look to God. We are so small, and see such a small picture. If we can keep that in mind, we may be able to get past certain hurts. God does allow hurtful things and who are we to understand God.. But it is very empowering to just let it go. To move on. To leave it to God. After all Vengence is His, not ours.

ok, I don't have to forgive him, and not to forget either so that I can continue to defend myself against being hurt again in the future - but there's no way to even approach such a person and say what's in your heart, because it will only bring forth further abuse.

so how can I absolve myself form "hating him in my heart"?

PS yet another amazing class by R. Freeman

My oldest son came to me and said that when I tell him he is forgiven it is like I really don't or it is just in words. That my outward reaction doesn't line up with the fact I do really forgive. You said in your teaching video that to just say "it's all okay or no big deal or it's nothing" is not the correct way to forgive someone. How should I forgive in actions? How do I make sure that forgiveness brings healing and wholeness to the person I am forgiving. Because if I just say "Oh, don't worry about it" to my oldest son or whoever is asking for forgiveness and that makes them feel like I have not really forgiven him or her. That is wrong. What is your understanding of how to make sure someone knows they are truly forgiven? Thank you for your time.

Without going through a lot of explanations, I've been physically attacked twice in the past year by people who misinterpreted something I did. When they asked for forgiveness all I could do was open my arms to give them a real hug. It never occurred to me to hold a grudge.
Hashem forgives us on a regular basis, how can any Jew not forgive another person when they ask for forgiveness? I'd already forgiven them; I didn't know what I had done that triggered their temper.
A major bank DESTROYED my life's savings. I'm 71, can I start all over again? You bet I can.Millions of others are in my situation, but I'm just going to take my accumulated skills and open my own company and start from scratch. Frankly, I'm going to have FUN. Retirement and I don't get along too well. No weekends, holidays, vacations...feh, I may not recover all of what I've lost, so what? I am NOT going to stay angry as I've seen so many others do. With Hashem's help, I cannot fail.

it seems that it maybe ok to forgive mny things, but if someone diliberity does something to ruin you financially. If they absolutely know that it would kill you emotionally to do it, it is much more difficult. If it is an accident or non intentional, I can see it being easy to forgive but when it has been discussed and still they do it. I wonder if is spiritually a bad thing to leave that person. I find it easier to forgive if they aren't in your face all the time. Is that acceptable

On the topic of forgiveness, one very important verse in Tehillim 51 is where David seeks G-d's forgiveness for murder and he says "Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil from your perspective; so that you are right in accusing me and justified in passing sentence." I meditated on this over and over when I needed to forgive my husband for adultery. Your idea that when we begin to forgive someone, we realize that we too need to be forgiven. The hurt is so deep, yet I can stand knowing that the sin is not against me, but against G-d. He shares the hurt.

To Antonio, September 9th, 2011: The Bible teaches that God tells us 'Vengeance is Mine, I will repay'. If we retaliate then we are just like the rest of the world because it's either forgive or retaliate - or we take the hate or hurt inside and become sick mentally or physically from it. God does take vengeance and while people call it Karma today, it is actually a Biblical principle of reaping what we have sown.

They say it is human nature to retaliate, and yet there is always pay back for that too that is negative.

Thank you to Rabbi Freeman for this important lesson.

As usual,Rabbi.Freeman has put together another great lesson. I really appreciate Chabad for your continued teachings and your devotion to bring such excellent studies to your members. I tell everyone about this site .I just wanted to say to each Rabbi,co-worker and everyone there, I thank G-D for each and everyone of you. G-d Bless you all.

I find it very difficult to forgive others for hurting me. Sometimes the hurt is so great that I want to get revenge on the other person.