Question:
Let's say I desire that somebody not live anymore, G‑d forbid. Let's say this somebody is a parent. But I don't take any action in this direction. I mean, I just keep acting in the interest of the well-being and health of this person, but simply desire that this person not live anymore. Is that a sin?
Response:
No, it is not a sin. Sinning isn't so easy. You can't sin with your feelings. You have to either do something, say something or at the very least willfully ponder something in order to sin.
If I feel I want to eat pork, that's not good enough--I am still not sinning until I at least start making the plans to get hold of some. If I feel I want to commit adultery, I am also not sinning. At the very least I would have to make some plans, or allow my mind to contemplate the idea. So, too, if I don't want someone to live, that is not a sin--as long as I don't willfully do anything that provides that feeling tangible expression. It's just a feeling, and in many cases, it may be a very natural feeling.
Nevertheless, it's not nice. You can't chastise yourself for it, because, well, that's the way you feel and you don't have direct control over your feelings. But if you stop thinking about those feelings--just distract your mind every time it comes up--and you don't speak about them, and you do things that are just the opposite, meaning you do good things for your parents--then the feelings will eventually disappear as though they never were.
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