How to Apologize

A chassidic master once asked his disciples: "If you are going to be lost in a forest, are you better off being lost while walking or while riding on a horse?"

"Of course you’re better off being lost while walking on your feet," one of his disciples replied. "You would not be as far lost as you would be if you were riding a horse."

To which the rebbe responded: "It is better to be lost riding a horse. Because the minute you realize you are lost, you can get out of the forest more quickly."

During our journey of life we often get lost. We make mistakes. This is inevitable. How quickly we fix our mistakes once we discover them -- that is what makes the real difference to the quality of our lives.

Some people find it very difficult to approach a person whom they have hurt and apologize for the pain that they may have caused.

How many personal and work relationships could have been saved, how many broken homes could have been repaired, how many parent-children estrangements could have been resolved -- if one of the parties involved would have had the courage to face the other person and say, "I am sorry!" Even if we believe that we had no bad intentions or that we were not at fault, we could still apologize for the pain that the other has suffered.

I admire the nurse who, before giving an injection, says to the patient, "I'm sorry, but this is going to hurt." Even though her action is for the benefit of the patient, she still apologizes for the pain she causes him or her.

Some people are concerned about saying "I'm sorry." Perhaps they think that by doing so they will be admitting a wrongdoing. Perhaps they are afraid of what might happen if their apology is rejected. However, we would gain a lot more respect from others if we had the courage to apologize. All we would be saying is: I am smarter today than I was yesterday, and I have learned something new. "It is our anger that gets us into a fight," a wise man once said, "and our ego that keeps it there."

Once, when I was apologizing to an old friend, he smiled and said to me, "I wish I could have been as brave as you and said I am sorry." Our old friendship was restored and is today much more meaningful than ever before.

How to apologize? Just do it! All it often takes is one single action to turn your horse around and get out of the forest.