Coping With Miscarriage

Question:

I had a miscarriage a few days ago. I am still in shock, I never expected it to happen....

Response:

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your unborn child. There is little in life that is as painful.

I wish I had an answer for you. The fact is, we can never answer for G‑d's actions. But...even in our anguish, we can answer for our own. We don't know G‑d's mind, but we can know our own. And that means that in a situation of grief, we have the ability to create a perspective. As difficult as it is.

Every single soul has a purpose. Every single soul matters. It has meaning. For most of us, as we mature, develop, we strive constantly to find meaning for our own life. And our children,...for them, too, we provide an atmosphere - in education, in our very living example - so that each individual finds meaning in her/his life.

And then there is the child who hadn't the chance to do so. This soul, too, has meaning. We are not the ones to know the meaning of each soul, but we know there is meaning. No soul has no meaning. Perhaps this soul's purpose was to provide for her (his?) parents. To provide for you some meaning. What it is...I wish I could say. But you need to find some way to make this event matter...to make it matter a great deal, and not just in your pain.

We have no control over the events in our life that G‑d decides; we are the only ones, though, who have control over our own responses to them. Joy - well, that's easy. We're happy...and even when appreciating G‑d's blessing, we rarely move inwards to a degree great enough to make for some sort of personal, internal growth. And, may we, each one of us, experience only joy in our life. But pain...grief...that's different. Now we start questioning. And, however much it hurts, we need to be able to take the emotion and somehow, in some way, make it matter in a positive way.

It's raw still...so new still....but, with each passing hour and passing day you will regain some equilibrium...and then, perhaps, we can speak further about how you can honour your unborn child, how you can use your pain to better this world.

Please stay in touch with me...wishing you all the best,