To Love without Limits

"I believe your child has Down syndrome." When parents of a newborn hear a doctor utter these words, their lives are changed forever.

Denial. Anger. Shock. A daze of confusion. Not the feeling new parents expected to feel as they gaze at their newborn, but common reactions as they struggle to absorb the diagnosis.

There is often a grieving process, as parents mourn the loss of their dream child. This stage is only the beginning of a long and winding road, often containing at least a few potholes and bumps. Many DS children have serious health problems and will need extra therapies and intervention to help them develop to their optimal potential.

Steve and Vicki Krausz of Denver, Colorado, have found a way to turn their pain into an avocation of the heart that has brought joy to them and many thousands.

After two difficult births, Vicky began a string of miscarriages and secondary infertility problems. The couple causally looked into adoption, but the doors seemed closed. "Jewish adoption was extremely expensive, and the other Denver agencies were looking for Christian families," Steve recalls. Vicki and Steve "happened" upon an adoption group and told their story.

Within a short time they received a call from a social worker needing There is often a grieving process, as parents mourn the loss of their dream child. to place a Jewish girl in foster care. The Krauszs wanted to proceed to adoption but county policy and bureaucracy stood in the way. After a 19-month fight, the Krauszs were finally allowed to adopt Elisheva. During those months they received some calls asking how they managed to adopt a Jewish child, and others saying, "We heard you adopted a special needs child. Would you like another?"

"We knew the county wouldn't let us adopt another," Steve recalls. "But there was clearly a need for someone to match Jewish couples wishing to adopt and Jewish children needing homes. We called rabbis and agencies, trying to find someone to do this work, but no one was able, fearing it would be too burdensome and costly."

Parents often worry about the future of the child and their family. Can they handle the burden? How will siblings react? What will others say? Every family must deal with these questions. There are unfortunately, too many instances of handicapped and special children being put up for adoption, which can mean the abrupt end of the child's Jewish identity.

"Well," Steve said, "in the Ethics of the Fathers we learn, 'In a place where there is no man, be the man,' so we answered the call."

The Jewish Children's Adoption Network (JCAN) was born. They figured there would be about a dozen kids a year. The first year, 1990, they placed 99. “We usually are given a matter of days to find a home, or the child will go to a church or some other non-Jewish situation.” Since then, they average about 100 children a year, and have placed a total of about 1500! "We are not an agency," Steve says, "we are a kind of 'matchmaking service.' We get calls from agencies and rabbis and families all over the country, and go into our database to make the match. Almost all the children have special needs of one kind or another. Our adoptive families get the paper work and home studies done ahead of time, so when a child comes on the scene they are ready. We usually are given a matter of days to find a home, or the child will go to a church or some other non-Jewish situation."

The Krauszs' work is a labor of love. Along the way, their family has been blessed with two more adopted children with Down syndrome, each with an amazing story. Rafael Chanoch is now preparing for his Bar Mitzvah, and Gabriella, age 9, is a spunky, bright little girl. The children happily participate in all the holiday preparations and many aspects of a full Jewish life they would have missed out on, had the Krauszs not become their father and mother. Though it might take them a bit longer to learn, Rafi and Gabriella read Hebrew, say blessings and are proud and happy Jews.

Gavriella with her sewing machine. She has a special one that can be adjusted to sew slowly and she has sewn several garments.

Several other families who have had their lives enriched with the gift of their biological or adopted Down syndrome child share some thoughts. The following is from the diary of a mother who adopted a baby scheduled to go to missionaries:

"We determinedly went to the hospital to pick up our new baby. When I first looked into her crib, my heart overflowed with a mother's love for her. I would give her all I could. We would help her to integrate into Jewish society, even if that meant waking up a lot of dull minded people. And now—she gives us back tenfold by just being herself.

"We are now raising our beautiful Down syndrome child; many of those medical problems she had have disappeared, with care, love and prayers. Okay, with all her physiotherapy and doctor appointments, my calendar looks like I'm the head of some high tech company, I admit. But we've gotten used to that too. She's not only not the monster we feared, but she is beautiful. Her slanting eyes and tiny nose add to her beauty. It all depends how you look at it.

"Our days are filled with our growing love for her, and joy with every new thing she learns. She has the most precious smile, and just today, my big daughter asked me, 'Mummy, what did we do before we got her?'"

American-born Menucha speaks of her experiences:

"Here in Israel, many are aware of the Torah perspective, and consider Techiya almost an angel on earth. She is the pet of the small town where we live, and it's heartwarming how much freedom she has, as everyone watches out for her. Techiya has definitely brought a special light into our lives."

Burden or blessing? As with most deep challenges/opportunities, perspective is the key. Armed with the Torah's spiritual insights, many parents have found the inner strength to focus on the true blessing of raising a special soul.