Bondage To The Material

Dayenu: (lit. "it is enough for us"); the refrain in a song in the Haggadah recounting the kindnesses G-d bestowed upon the People of Israel after the Exodus

Here’s how it starts: He says, “You’d feel a whole lot calmer if you’d just smoke this.” Then I started to believe the lie -- that an external material will help me to be a better me. If an external substance helps me to feel calmer, prettier and more self-assured, then I would risk anything to get it. After awhile, I would risk jail time, self-respect or any amount of money. The lie had perpetuated itself in me. I thought I needed it.

So, after awhile in the program, I finally realized I am ok -- by myself—and that G-d is guiding me every moment. I gradually "came to believe" that I am enough, without any props or drugs. After I put a few more 24 hours together in the program, I started to realize that I am really sufficient by myself; I know I am strong with the help of G-d.

So it’s a Dayenu moment: I finally realized that me being me with the help of G-d is Dayenu – it’s enough. So when I realized at first that G-d is Dayenu, then little by little I could cut myself free from the external material I thought was a necessity to be "okay."

I finally came to realize that I had been enslaved to a substance to make me feel "okay." Now I know that I was always okay, and that the drug was really a trick that took me outside of myself -- out of my heart and into my body. The 12-steps helped me to reconnect to the "real interior" me – the authentic child-self who always knows that G-d is near.

Today I am no longer in need of something exterior to make me realize that I am okay. I was in bondage to the drugs; they made me do things I knew were wrong. I finally realized that this bondage is the worst way to live. So today I can call upon my G-d to help me when I am afraid or insecure. Knowing that G-d is with me is Dayenu! It is enough!