Rewards and Applause

I pray that I may not desire the world's applause. I pray that I may not seek rewards for doing what I believe is right. - 24 Hours a Day, Nov. 17

At my home meeting, sometimes we read from "Just for Today." In this little poem, one line says -- "Just for Today, may I do a good deed and not be found out. If I am, it will not count."

I have always had a hard time with that concept. What's the difference if someone else knows what I did? Why should that lessen its value? What's wrong with telling others that I was a “good girl" today?

I think the point is illustrated in the above quote. Maybe it is about my reasons for doing the good deed in the first place. Do I do it because I need a pat on the back -- or do I do it because it's the right thing to do? Would I be willing to do it if I could tell absolutely no one? Would it be enough for me to know that I simply did the right thing? Would I need G-d's acknowledgment, or is a human one necessary to me? Do I crave applause, or do I want some bigger reward? Wouldn’t it be reward enough for me just to know that I did the right thing?

I have to think about this some more. It could make a big difference in the way I feel about my deeds -- and the way I feel about myself afterward. And how about the times that I delayed or deferred doing something good or right? How about when I chose instead to do something less-right -- even if it doesn't qualify as something wrong?

Is this all about my motivation? Or is it about getting the right thing done no matter what the payoff? I have heard the following question: Let's say a poor person knocks at your door. Do you think G-d wants you to wait to have the right intention before handing him a donation? Would it be better to just give him the money right now, and worry about your proper intentions later? The answer -- just give him the money! He needs it now, so he shouldn't have to wait until you straighten out your head and heart. Our Talmudic sages have said: "Mitoch shelo lishma, bah lishmah." It means: The act of giving itself will eventually change the way you feel about giving. Your actions will slowly work to change your intentions. The point is -- just do the right thing, and the rest will come later.

Time is short, and life is short. All we have is this moment, right now. If we sit around waiting for our intentions to change, we might be too old or too feeble to even do the right thing.

And what about the "applause" thing? Right now I have to do the right thing. At the same time, I pray to my Higher Power to help me to form or change my reasons for doing it. That sounds pretty good to me. It means that I get to be patient with myself, and accept myself as I am right now. Some day I hope to be a much improved product.