Are You Lovable?

What Makes a Person Loveable?

Being "loveable" is relatively easy to achieve during the dating process. After all, what is required other than being reasonably well-groomed, polite and pleasant? Sure, a little humor and a few unique strengths can also contribute to the mix but the personal demands remain low. Just be nice.

In marriage, however, lovability is a whole different ball game. To remain loveable a few weeks after the marriage, you're going to have to work harder to impress your new "room-mate." Sharing space and resources can throw up challenges to your character that just don't show up in the dating arena. How do you think YOU are doing?

Rate Yourself

Give yourself a numerical score between one and ten ("ten" being nearly perfect) on the following "loveable" marital traits. (And remember to rate yourself, not your spouse! You can ask your spouse to take the quiz too).

1. Cleanliness. Now that you're living with your partner, you'll want to keep your belongings neat and organized. Your mess is not only unattractive, but makes YOU unattractive as well. Rate yourself from 1-10 on the Neat scale.

2. Responsibility. Fulfilling your obligations is definitely loveable while neglecting them is sure to bring disdain your way. Do you keep to your commitments and promises in a timely fashion? Do you do what you're supposed to do without having to be reminded, directed or nagged? Rate yourself from 1-10 on the Responsibility scale.

3. Respect. The ability to show respect is very loveable. Do you refrain from insulting, diminishing or otherwise putting down your spouse? Do you consistently use a pleasant tone of voice? Do you act as nicely toward your partner as you do to strangers, colleagues and friends? Rate yourself from 1-10 on the Respect scale.

4. Cool, Calm & Collected. Being able to handle stress is an essential marital skill. There's nothing quite so unloveable as an adult who tantrums, throws fits, yells or otherwise routinely "loses it." Showing violent upset even once a year is enough to reduce your loveability by 90%. Showing moderate upset once a month has similar results. Unfortunately, no one actually likes, let alone loves, an angry person. Rate your ability to stay calm no matter what provocations come your way from 1-10.

5. Communication. Some people don't yell – they just clam up. A warm relationship requires sharing of thoughts and feelings. Retreating into oneself leaves a partner out in the cold. Do you open up to your spouse about your joys, worries, frustrations, dreams, thoughts and ideas? Do your share? Rate yourself from 1-10 on the openness of your communication with your spouse.

6. Affection. The quickest way to a person's heart is through warmth. Showing physical affection and being generous with compliments and appreciative remarks is very loveable. Do you lay on the acknowledgement, praise, gifts, treats and other shows of love? Rate your ability to show affection from 1-10.

If you score over 55 on this quiz, you are one loveable person! The lower your score, the more you can do to improve. You'll find that bringing your score up brings your marital happiness up as well.

Remember to take this test each year on your wedding anniversary.