The Path to Marriage

Why marry? The mystics explain that the natural compulsion to marry expresses a deep soul-ambition: its desire to reconnect with its other half. Every body is occupied by half a soul. Body and soul reach completion when they are reunited with their other half.

And it's a mitzvah. In fact, a Jewish home is one of our greatest mitzvot So we don't just wait for Mr./Ms. Right to appear—we actively search them out.

The mitzvah starts, and the search commences, at age eighteen. Don't worry about a perceived lack of financial ability. G‑d who sustains all of creation can and will provide for one more family!

Whom to Marry

Obviously the person you will marry should be compatible with your personality and particular emotional needs. But here's the Jewish angle:

First and foremost, a Jew marries another JewFirst and foremost, a Jew marries another Jew. Marriage is the union of two souls; a feat only possible with spiritually compatible souls.

A Jewish marriage is also a commitment to the continuity of our nation. Jewish parents raising Jewish children with Jewish values is our non-violent way of combating all the bigots who aspired to relegate our people to the annals of history.

There are also certain technical matters to be taken into consideration. Among them: certain restrictions on whom a Kohain can marry, and ensuring that your potential spouse has received a valid get (Jewish divorce) if previously married.

Dating

In Jewish tradition, dating is not intended for entertainment purposes; it is reserved for men and women actively seeking their life mate.

Jewish law precludes a man and woman from being secluded together. Thus, the preferred venue for a date is a public or semi-private location.

Successful dating requires the mind to exercise its judgment in an area which instinctively belongs to the heart. Obviously, the heart, too, must be involved. But the mind blindly following the heart can be a recipe for disaster. Allow yourself to "fall in love," but only after your mind has decided that this could be the right person for you.

For more on this topic, see our section on Finding Your Soulmate.