The Shushan Files (Part II)

In the wake of that disconcerting episode with its gruesome finale, the Angel's absurd accusation, "The Laws of Nature are a conspiracy!" rang relentlessly in my mind. Like the inane melody of a country hit played and replayed mercilessly through the speakers of the clinic's waiting room, they began to pervade my consciousness. I had heard conspiracy theories to explain behavioral psychologists, Internet advertising, continental drift and adolescent acne -- but the Laws of Nature? As far as I was concerned, it was the laws of nature that paid my bills, ensured the earth would be under my feet every morning and guaranteed that what we doctors knew one day would not change the next. How could a conspiracy be so infallible?

As I have mentioned paying my bills, I should note that collecting payment from the patient's insurer proved somewhat awkward. For one thing, the address supplied simply did not exist in this universe. Fortunately, I was able to ignore this matter, as I had coincidentally received a promotion to department manager at the clinic and come into some extra cash by winning a lottery that very same week.

As for the patient, we had obviously not been able to arrange a subsequent appointment, so I did not know whether I would see him again or not. In any case, it was clear that I was unequipped to deal with Angel 2343bx8.5 without further research. But, search as I may, there were simply no catalogued studies on angels nor on "anathema to natural law."

The solution arrived in the propitious form of yet another heavenly patient, Angel 0112358-13-21... (a.k.a. "Angelo Fibonacci").

His appointment had been set two weeks earlier at 9:30 AM. At 9:25 precisely, he plodded into reception. Bent over deeply, his wings wilted and gray, his presence literally sucked the color out of the waiting lounge. Even the color TV and the National Geographic pictures went black and white. When he finally looked up, I saw it: The bow tie gave him away. Right off, I knew this was someone Angel 2343bx8.5 did not party with.

Angelo Fibonacci dragged himself into my office, his nose tracing along the carpet.

Therapist: "Mr. Fibonacci, you are here to discuss your feelings of inferiority, low self-esteem and general worthlessness. How long have you been harboring these feelings?"

A long silence. I waited. Then... very softly...

Angelo Fibonacci: Since Shushan.

T: Ohhhhhyessss

AF: You know about Shushan?

I needed to stay professional. But the excitement was hard to hold down.

T: Just continue with the history. What happened on the Shushan project that aroused such emotions?

AF: It wasn't so much the project. The project was very...well...redeeming. It was... one of the miracle angels. His comments to me were so... hurtful...

Angelo looked up for a moment. His eyes caught something on the wall. For a moment, I thought he was introspecting. I was wrong.

AF: Doc, that bothers me.

T: Tell me about what bothers you.

AF: The picture.

T: The whole picture?

AF: Just the one on the wall.

T: You don't like Ansel Adams?

AF: It's off.

T: Off?

I watched as the picture adjusted itself slightly on the wall.

AF: That's much better. Where were we?

T: Shushan.

AF: Oy. Can we go somewhere else?

T: You seem to associate Shushan with pain.

AF: Your desk.

T: I like my desk the way...

It was too late. My familiar wading pool of papers had already filed themselves neatly into a warehouse foreman's dream of neat, even stacks.

T: How long have you had this compulsion for neatness?

AF: No, doc, please!! I can't take any more of that criticism. It's very hurtful. Why do you think I've come to you? Do you think I was always a depressed angel? No! I used to be very well adjusted. I liked my life. I liked my job. I felt needed. Important. Until I had to work with him and he wouldn't let me alone. That's why I came here. And now, you, too...

He was crying. I've had patients cry in my office before. It's part of the therapy. For me, it's just another procedure. But these tears I couldn't take.

AF: There's nowhere I can go! It's true! It's just as he told me. I said, maybe I've got an inferiority complex. He said, no, you just are inferior, ask any psychologist. And he gave me your number. And I come here and it's true! You agree! I am just inferior and that's it!

Out my window it was pouring rain. I wondered if there was any connection. I also wondered what was going to happen to my golf appointment. I knew I had to think fast.

T: Angelo, that's not true. I haven't provided you with any diagnosis whatsoever. I'm not here to provide diagnosis. I'm here to help. To bring some sunshine into your life. Now let's get to some of those clear, sunny thoughts and wipe those clouds away.

AF: You think my obsession with neatness and consistency is an illness. You don't appreciate just what goes into keeping an entire natural order natural and orderly.

T: I certainly understand it takes a clear, open mind.

AF: Clarity! Gevald!!!

I was failing. Miserably. There was a full-blown thunderstorm happening outside.

AF: It's downright miraculous, that's what it is.

T: Miraculous... but I thought you were...

AF: ohno ohno ohno... what am I doing here? What's this humanoid going to help me? Doc, you don't know the first thing about natural law and order, do you?

T: I'm certainly eager to be enlightened. That's part of my job. So if you care to...

AF: Miracles as you know them-those are just reckless hacking. We create a magnificently elegant finite loop and they go punch a leak somewhere and pour in infinite light from beyond. From outside the system. What's the big deal? They didn't create anything. All their fame and glory rests solely on wrecking what others have accomplished. If The Boss wanted infinite light, He didn't have to make a world. That's what He started with-Infinite Light. A world is supposed to be finite.

That's what they did in Egypt. That's all they had to do at the Red Sea fiasco-they keep boasting about that year after year. Once they even brought down the entire system-we had to throw the entire heavenly body scheme into pause-just because they couldn't bother looking for a more elegant way to finish off a regular battle event.

T: What went into pause?

AF: The sun, the moon, the stars...

T: The sun?

AF: Joshua could have easily won the battle by natural means...but no...they wouldn't listen...

T: So what would have been better about...

AF: Natural means is awesome. It's a science. It's an art. It's the ultimate art. The Boss made it that way and He likes it that way. He even said, after He created it, "It's very good." Not just good-very good. You don't go wrecking something that's very good and beautiful for no reason.

T: But miracles are infinite light.

AF: Miracles are darkness!

T: no... please don't say that.

AF: People see a miracle and they have no clue what's going on. You can't study miracles. You can't make a science out of them. If there were nothing but open miracles, there would be no education, no universities, no professors, no doctors...

T: Oh, that's no good.

AF: People see a miracle and they say, "Hey what?" Then they just walk away and pretend nothing happened. I've seen it over and over. Those Children of Israel that left Egypt, they were broken and oppressed, so they could handle it. But their oppressors never got the point. So what did those miracle maniacs do? They drowned them. You know about those kind of scientists-they drown the specimens that don't match the desired results, right?

The ceiling was leaking real bad. I thought I might soon become one of those specimens.

AF: The point is that if you want people to learn, to grow, to really appreciate the wonders of creation and the Creator, you need nature-not miracles. Take Abraham...

T: Is he coming here, too?

AF: Not a bad idea. But only through natural means.

T: How's he...

The Angel was already fudging with the buttons on my video display -- the one I use for educating patients.

AF: How many dimensions does this thing display, anyway?

I had no idea what he was talking about. By the time I figured it out, there was already a three-dimensional display projecting into the middle of the room.

T: Uh, two.

AF: Two? How was I supposed to know. Oh well. Some glitches in the natural order are unavoidable.

Now, here you have little Abraham as a small baby, examining the world about him-the stars, the moon, the sun, the clouds, the wind...

T: Yes, yes. Grandpa told me the story.

AF: ..the rain. And he saw that things happened with a singular order, a design. Nothing was haphazard. He saw it is an intelligent system-even though it superficially looks like inanimate materials. Something like, if I meet a person and I see that he does things with design and intent, I know he's got a mind, right? I mean, it may look like just a hunk of blood, flesh and bones with a chunk of gray meat up in the attic. Intuitively, you would think it's ridiculous that this thing could produce intelligence...

T: Please. Let's just focus on the video...

AF: Good idea, listen to Abraham himself:

Abraham was now older in the video. Old enough to be explaining things to a crowd of people gathered about him.

Abraham: So look at this world! Does it really look like a mess of gods fighting with each other? Don't you see the harmony, the oneness, the synergistic gestalt of it all?

The people were stroking their beards and nodding their heads. There was a wet, burnt smell in my office.

AF: Note the cognitive approach. Highly effective. No need to convince with signs and wonders. People come to realize the truth on their own. Miracles, on the other hand, would just plunge them into confusion.

Abraham: So we see a Single Intelligence involved in all this. The universe is alive with a single soul within it! G-d is here now!

More stroking of beards. More enthusiastic nodding. Meanwhile, the electronics on my video display were crackling.

AF: You see, if they would know The Boss from miracles, they wouldn't think of Him as here now! They would think the only way He can be here now is by busting reality as they know it. They would think, "It's either G-d or a normal world-but you can't have both."

Seeing G-d in nature brings them to an understanding of an imminent, withit G-d. That's what Abraham's ideas are all about.

Abraham: But that is not all there is to this Single Intelligence. Look deeper and you will see the Infinite within!

At this point, the water level on the floor finally zapped the electronics and the Abraham video along with it.

T: There's really no end to this...

AF: Yes! You caught that. Abraham also discovered there's no end to the depth of this wonder. After all, you are probably asking yourself: If Abraham discovered The Boss through nature, how did he know about the Infinite? You probably think we nature angels have something against infinity, right?

The truth is, we are constantly working with infinity. Just that we have a more mature approach. To them it's a game. To us, it's an art and a science.

T: [looking up] Maybe you could just think of a way of holding back what's coming down from up there?

AF: Yes, doc! Now you're on the ball! That's exactly what we do! From up there, infinite light is pouring down. Our job is to contain the infinite within a finite order.

Like, imagine that up there in those clouds was an infinite reservoir of water.

Now it was me crying.

AF: ...and your job was to make sure only a trickle, just enough for a good deluge, managed to reach the earth. Because, otherwise, there wouldn't be any earth, right?

T: No. Just mud. Sopping, unplayable mud.

AF: So that's the situation we have to deal with. Doc, did you ever notice that the laws of nature are really infinite?

T: Um, can't say I did.

AF: Well, you're a human, so it's not really your fault. But if you would think about it, there's really no reason that any of the laws have to be the way they are. Take Newton's laws of motion. Or Planck's constant. With modification, of course-they're only humans. Gravity, electromagnetism, the nuclear forces. The point is, there's no reason they have to be the way they are. There's no reason The Boss couldn't have done things entirely different.

T: I've noticed.

AF: That means the source of all these laws and rules is unlimited. And they are, too, in a way. You probably haven't realized this, but do you think things were always this way? I mean, since the Beginning?

T: No. Only since you guys started coming here.

AF: Well, they have been. Since the end of the sixth day of Creation, those constants and laws haven't changed. Not one iota. The size of the universe may change. Relative time wobbles around. Light speed is slowing down. Certain higher dimensions have become a little more flat. Chicken soup isn't as effective anymore. But the basic laws and equations that were arbitrarily decided at the very Beginning-none of that has changed even to the smallest quantum. Now how is it possible that these things don't wear out?

T: They're supposed to wear out?

That was a mistake. A bolt of lightning and immediate thunder shook the building. The lights were out. Everywhere. Everywhere except for a mysterious light in my office.

AF: Why shouldn't they? Do you humans take everything for granted? Everything else wears out-because everything is finite. Same with the laws of nature. It all gets sustained from somewhere. So if that source were finite, the laws of nature would be wearing out, get it? So we nature angels, we skillfully manage the channeling of infinite possibilities and infinite energy into tightly defined and limited packages of natural causes.

Now that's what I call beauty and elegance! A nexus of the finite and the infinite! Absolutely wondrous! Not like what those ruffian gangster miracle snobs are trying to push on us-to them it's either/or: Either a finite world or infinite light.

Get it?

T: Uh. I'm just a human. Kind of inferior, you know. I...I just wanted to play golf real bad this afternoon. I really wanted to have an office with an upholstered sofa and lighting and a...a dry carpet...

AF: Oy, doc. Look what I've done! I should have known it was contagious! Next thing, you're going to start talking in mono-spaced type.

T: It's not like I'm a golf fanatic or anything. But all this angel therapy has been driving me nuts. I need a break. If I don't get out there to the match this afternoon, I don't know what's going to happen to me. Look, I don't know why I ever accepted these angel patients. I really can't take it. It makes me feel stupid, incompetent, confused and downright inferior.

AF: You don't need to feel that way, Doc.

T: I'm not inferior?

AF: Being inferior doesn't make you incompetent. Look, I came in here pretty gray and now, well, I'm feeling a lot better about myself, my occupation, my position in the cosmic order...talking things out over here to a non-judgmental human has really helped. You've really brought some... some...

T: Yes, some...

AF: ...some sunshine into my life.

T: aaaahhhhhhhh.

One look outside and I almost jumped out the window. Blue. Big Blue Sky. Birds singing. I spun around quickly and asked:

T: So do you think there's a chance I could even win that game this afternoon?

AF: Win? I thought you just needed some stress release? We don't do winning. If you're good, you win. Given your condition...well. Natural law, y'know, like we were talking. You don't want those miracle hackers mixing into your life, oh no.

T: Oh no. Just that maybe you could make it happen, well, naturally.

The Angel's brow furrowed. He looked at me suspiciously.

AF: Now where did you get this idea of natural miracles from?

T: Well, I got this promotion, for one thing. Not quite the natural thing for a... well, you know my... professionalism issues...

AF: It was a miracle.

T: But it was very natural. And all sorts of other things lately...

Angel shook his head, muttering in muffled tones.

AF: Oh no. Oh no. Wait! Where's your phone?

T: Angels need phones?

AF: Natural means whenever possible, remember?

The Angel had already grabbed a phone from my desk. He didn't dial nine. I don't think he dialed anything, really. In fact, the phone was just a toy one of my kids had left there. But he was talking to someone, somewhere. Another one of those glitches in natural law, I guess.

AF: Pi? Yeah, this is Fibo. No, I have to talk this way. I'm on a mission. Okay, it's a medical leave. But I need you to look up some coordinates. It's at Tof42₆1º in only 3D at active space. Yeah, way down here. He's a shrink. Not too good. You see any possibilities for promotion there in the last few creation cycles? It's okay, that's what we thought. Look, one more thing: Any signs of hacking? Leaks? System piercing? Nothing. Look, it's okay, I can handle it. Really. I'm feeling much better. We'll talk when I get back.

click

Angel Fibonacci was back down on his chair, nose back to the ground, wings wilting once again. I could barely hear him mumbling.

AF: He doesn't even ask us. We can't do it. We don't get it.

T: Uh, this is a different matter now?

AF: No. The same one. We're incompetent.

I glanced out the window in trepidation. My worst fears were confirmed. The big, black clouds were on the horizon, swiftly returning. I had to think fast.

AF: We do nature. They do miracles. Somehow, for some reason, He wants both. At once. But He's the only one that can do that. So He just bypasses us. We become superfluous. Redundant. He does it all Himself.

T: You mean, like my miraculous promotion.

AF: It's impossible. He breaks none of the Laws of Nature, and at the same time, He breaks all of them. It all remains finite and at the same time, He reserves infinite possibilities-He gets whatever He wants. Nobody can figure it out. He wanted us to do just a small mockup of that in... in... that place...

I knew better than to fill in the name. I was wracking my brains. I knew that this was it. Either I was a therapist, or I was going the way of Pharaoh's army. I put everything I had into it. I don't know where the words came from -- and I knew I was really risking it -- but I truly believe those words saved my life.

T: Fibo, look, you explained very nicely all the advantages to neat, consistent patterns of nature. It makes for an understandable reality and brings wonder into focus. It makes the unknowable very knowable. It makes the infinite imminent.

But there was a friend of yours here a few weeks ago that had a very good case for miracles. You have to understand his argument.

He was still listening. He didn't crack up when I said that.

T: Miracles are when the Infinite comes out in the open. Not just the background. Miracles get people to question their whole take on reality. Us humans need to be shaken up once in a while. Miracles show there's something beyond, something transcendent.

AF: So you think they are better than us, after all. They're the real angels and we're just nerds, right?

T: I think that each of you has something to offer. Now if you could get it together to do something real special... like a miraculous nature or maybe a natural miracle... that could truly be deep and beautiful.

AF: You want imminent and transcendent all at once. Infinite and finite in a single package.

pause

AF: Well, I suppose, to The Boss, they're just two modalities of the same Power of Being.

pause. A few quivers of the wings.

AF: So, you think, if we talk it through, we might be able to create some synergy. Like a miracle that permeates the natural realm. Or a state of nature that is only a veil for the miraculous. Crisp and natural on the outside, miraculous and chewy on the inside.

T: Actually, I was just thinking you might want to start with my golf par.

AF: Perhaps. But that may still be beyond us. We have to leave some things for Him and Him alone. But maybe, in Shushan...

He said that with an astonishing calmness. It was the first time I heard that word without a trace of anxiety or hysteria. In fact, he even smiled. I noticed a twinkle in his eye. And then he was gone.

I checked out of the office with just enough time to make it to my game. The turf was surprisingly dry for such a stormy morning. Bill and Dave played fairly, but my game was downright impressive. I guess all that training and perseverance finally paid off. I guess.