Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

In the Big Book in Step 11, I am promised that I will gain an intuition in alignment with G-d's will; and that sometimes, because this is not something we feel perfectly, I will presume things that are not true. Sometimes I will be granted thoughts for action that lead me to aligning my will to G-d's will. I have been building my relationship with G-d now for a few 24 hours; even now, I question the tugs I get that lead to change, especially when those changes affect my lifestyle.

I can feel something so strongly - but my fear of change and the unknown can keep me from making such changes. I question my intuition; never, of course, when those changes mean that I am getting something I think I want or need. I must grow spiritually. As I grow, my life changes: my moral compass, need for personal integrity, my interests, desires, and needs -- they all change.

Change is not comfortable because it is different. Different, whether I perceive it as "good" or "bad," is still different and this leads to discomfort. I need to learn to become comfortable with being uncomfortable; it does not always indicate that something is wrong. Sometimes being uncomfortable is about getting right with spiritual change that leads to life change. It is at these times that I must act according to what the Big Book says, and throw myself into prayer, meditation and working with others. I am afraid to trust sometimes, and until I can walk through that fear, I cannot grow. Just like plants, spiritual journeys that do not continue to grow, eventually die out. This is a program that focuses on change and growth as part of our recovery. I want to choose life. I pray that G-d will help me do that.