Question:
I have been studying Judaism for a number of years and have spoken to my rabbi about my choice to convert. Everything was going well until my rabbi found out I was dating a non-Jew. My rabbi was quite concerned and pretty much halted any encouragement to continue my education and such. I've spoken with my boyfriend about conversion but he doesn't seem to have the passion for Judaism as I do. Judaism has been a part of my life longer than my boyfriend. Is there any way I can make everyone happy, particularly myself?
Answer:
Yes, there most certainly is a way for you, and everyone around you, to be happy. But you need to make a choice. And, you needn't make that choice right now. Your love of Judaism doesn't necessarily require you to convert; perhaps your boyfriend is a gift from G‑d to make you think this through from a different perspective. One thing is certain, you cannot be Jewish and having a relationship with a non-Jew. But, you are not Jewish. And needn't ever be.
My best advice to you is the following:
Pursue and explore this relationship with your boyfriend. Don't encourage him to convert—that's not what it's about. Do encourage this relationship and see where it leads you. If this man is your destined soul mate, then you will know it, and you will establish a home together, built on much that you've learned from your study of Judaism. If, however, you'll find that you are compelled from your innermost soul to convert to Judaism, then you will make that decision.
For now...give it time....see what paths G‑d has opened for you.
Wishing you all the best,
Bronya Shaffer for Chabad.org
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